And just in case you were thinking of driving eg
You may have seen this pogofish
Rules for Driving in Aberdeen
Indicating will give away your next move. A real Aberdeen driver never indicates.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Aberdeen is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the Council, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
Real Aberdeen women drivers can put on a pair of tights and apply mascara on the outside lane of Anderson Drive at 50 mph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Real Aberdeen men drivers can remove tights and a bra on the outside lane of Anderson Drive at 50mph in bumper-to-bumper traffic and manage a quick grope and a w@nk.
Heavy fog, rain and snow are no reasons to drive UNDER the speed limits. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring that Dod's Garage in Kincorth has plenty of work all year round.
There is a common held belief in Aberdeen that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front. Aberdeen is very enviro-friendly so stick close to the car in front.
Look out for cars with the sign 'Kids on Board' in their rear window. Due to the short attention span of kids nowadays parents request that other drivers keep their kids entertained by baring arses and driving up so close to the car you see the whites of the kids eyes! Do not worry how scared the kids look it's only a game!
Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.
Drive illegally in all of our many Bus Lanes.
It's O.K when driving in Aberdeen's Tillydrone Area to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "arsehole". But it is imperative you are driving at least a 5 litre V8 with a crowbar in your lap.
Dundee council, shower of twats.
