im getting bullied at work

[Grandma Death]

Have to say slightly perturbed by some of the urbanites replies. If those in question think the best way to stand up to bullies is to act like a bully yourself then you're seriously deluded.
Even if the OP's workplace hasn't got a Dignity at Work policy then at the very least there are better ways of dealing with it than acting like an arse yourself.

 

[ilovebush&blair]

it has all stopped now, just a combination of asking people to stop, ignoring certain people and the threat of reporting it has bought it to an end. some people don't talk to me now but i never liked those people...

 

[Jonti]

I'm glad you sorted it OK.

And not in that old crazy revengeful way

 

[jimadore]

Hi ilovebush&blair, The posties in Cardiff all have nicknames, my brother in law was one for 26 years but dont' take it wrong swampy is how you look? get rid of your look ?end of your nickname piss take is normal in lots of male only jobs. Thats not bullying thats banter . you will make some good friends in the royal mail

 

[panpete]

Having been brought up with loads of siblings my own age, and having been around lots of self conscious catholics, I did the above approach all of my life.
Thing is, I lost sight of me, and all I knew to be me, was someone who dressed, acted, and said, everything, so as not to be bullied, and worse still, I wasn't even aware of what I was doing.

I'm not saying this is true for bush&blair, but what's taken for banter is bullying in a lot of cases.
If it hurts, if its insulting, or if there is any negativity (in all that banter) then it's bullying.
True if your not bothered by it you can laugh it off, and the bullies look the fools, but most of us are bothered, and we not only kid others we aren't we kid ourselves, and that's how bullying thrives.

 

[TopCat]

Bullying at work is awful. I had to put up with it for years and I lost weight and got rather depressed.

 

[Eva Luna]

Being the person upon whose back people's games are raised is hard.

What I mean is - they dont understand your look - they make stupid derogatory comments about it and dont understand that thats wrong - like Jade Goody on Celeb BB - when it is pointed out to them theyre all offended and fake hurt - then they step down a peg or two and realise that their mouth can hurt folk.

FWIW I would NOT cause physical trouble. Speak your mind calmly and clearly and then get the hell away. 'Dont call me that, I dont like it.' 'Dont call me that its derogatory.' 'Call me that one more time and I will lodge an official complaint against you.'

xxxx take care

 

[bigbry]

everyone keeps ripping it out of me because i have long hair and a beard, im not even a hippy but people keep calling me swampy and saying things like "look at the state of you!" stuff like that.

i told a manager and i have to fill out a form and send it away so its gonna take weeks before this is sorted out!

someone walked up to me yesterday and said "look at the state of you, swampy" and i went up to him and said "why you so fat pat" you should have seen the look on his face, and later on he came up to me and said "that was quite nasty what you said to me" when i said what he said to me was nasty he didn't even think he had done anything wrong and we had a massive argument!

im not a victim and i can sort this kinda thing out easy but if i do it my way then people are gonna get hurt and im gonna get the sack, so im trying to stop it all the right way with out me going mad and getting revenge in my usual crazy way...

Why look like a tree hugging hippy - it's so last century !

 

[panpete]

If someone goads someone else with the aim of trying to get the other to lash out, its still bullying.
If the recipient does lash out, the bully has got what he wants.
Surely the sensible thing to do would be to report it.
Allowing it to happen unaddressed is foolish, as s retaliating in a violent way.

 

[RubyBlue]

If someone goads someone else with the aim of trying to get the other to lash out, its still bullying.
If the recipient does lash out, the bully has got what he wants.

^ I've been the reciepient of emotional bullying recently - took me a while (and talking to friends) to realise that by reacting I'm giving the other person just what they want - my attention - now I just let it wash over me.

 

[Divisive Cotton]

It nearly all kicked off one day because I said that - given the opportunity (the question had been put to me) - that I wouldn't shag Lady Di.

This was a while ago and she was still alive at least.

yeah I'd give her one even if she is dead

 

[Mortlake]

If you don't need the person, keep a distance. Usually two mad colleagues on your own level or one mad manager at the level above are enough to sabotage a job, but I've never worked on Royal Mail so it might be different. If I'm right, and you can do your job without having much to do with the person, maybe they'll find another hobby.

It's often mentioned on these boards that unions are a collective effort etc, but I have to ask myself why they charge money and charge no-win no-fee lawyers for referrals if so. That's the paid-for part. Decent people volunteer as stewards and there is no harm in asking a volunteer steward for advice.

 

[swampy]

.... im not even a hippy but people keep calling me swampy and saying things like "look at the state of you!" stuff like that....

 

[RubyBlue]

sorry but

 

[Sadken]

Just take the piss out of them, "Swampy eh? Fuck me you should go to an open mike night at the comedy club, doss prick."

This. Not everything should be handled by industrial tribunal.

 

[fogbat]

As with all workplace conflicts, it should be solved by taking a shit in their desk.

 

[berniedicters]

I sometimes get into trouble for saying stuff like this, but here goes...

Bullying is a collaborative process. For someone to be bullied, there has to be someone prepared to play the role of persecutor, and someone prepared to play the role of victim.

In both cases, "prepared to play" can mean (and usually does) "isn't aware of any other way of doing it".

Reading your posts, ilovebushandblair, and some of the responses you've made to them so far, I have to say that you do seem to be playing into these bullies' persecutory behaviours quite effectively, and that's the first thing that needs to change. You're in a relationship with these people (like it or not!) and what has to happen is that the nature of that relationship needs to alter.

There's a few ways you might want to try doing that. First off, most bullying types only square it with their consciences by depersonalising the person they're picking on: in other words, by turning you into a bunch of labels they can criticise. If you can step out from behind the labels and show yourself as a proper decent human being, you stand a better chance of changing the relationship - one often effective way of doing this is to identify the ringleaders, and sidestep them: look out for the hangers-on, the loyal lieutenants and the camp followers instead. Then, in a positive and assertive - NOT aggressive - way, start to find ways of making connections with them. All you are aiming to do here is to become a "real person" to some of the crowd connected with your main persecutors. Don't do it by trying to please them - just do what you can to show them that you're a real person. It can be as simple as looking them in the eye and saying "good morning".

Alongside that, start working on not responding to the persecutory behaviours. Don't send ANY MORE FACEBOOK MESSAGES! That's making things worse! If in doubt, don't communicate. Ignore the behaviours, and I don't mean in an "I am ignoring you, just watch me, see, here I am with my nose in the air ignoring you". Acknowledge the people, ignore the behaviour. Act as if it is completely inconceivable to you that they might have said what they just did.

I do a lot of work with people being bullied - mostly in school settings, as it happens - and it is often amazing to them how quickly these tactics can cause the bullying relationship to unravel. But it requires quite significant personal change from the person being bullied - something people often resent because they feel like it's only the bully that should change. Hence my point at the top of this post about it being collaborative.

And I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who's been on the receiving end of a fair bit of bullying himself in the past...

 

[panpete]

I wont slate you for being honest.

Bullying is a collaborative process. For someone to be bullied, there has to be someone prepared to play the role of persecutor, and someone prepared to play the role of victim.

If someone has been brought up with bullies, having the role of victim can feel forced on them.

In both cases, "prepared to play" can mean (and usually does) "isn't aware of any other way of doing it".

Even more eerie, if the early life is so oppressive, the concept of choice can seem an alien concept.
I actually got phobic, for instance of others anger.
Workplaces felt suffocatingly oppressive.
Being used to victimization for so many years, (youngest of a big family who used the 'kicking down' system) I didnt stand a chance.
I needed calm and serenity not loads of moody people in my face all day.

My bullying was not the jokey bantery type though.
Mine was more people taking out their aggression on me, not a joke or banter in sight.

I felt as if the workplace wanted me to become denensive and egocentric, it wanted me to be not real, to be false.

For bushnblair, I agree with avoiding Facebook,

For me to change, to deal with my anguish and severe morbid depression, I knew I had to change, but for me, it had to be in solitude.
Being brought up as the family scapegoat, I was too sensitive to negativity around me. I never courted it, but I did attract a lot of unprovoked attacks, as corroborated by different others, too.
I was becoming more and more affected by negativity in peoples presence, than my healing rate could keep up with. A case where one needs to remove oneself to give oneself a fighting chance.
I am at the start of a long road, but keeping away from overpowering moods from others has enabled me for the first time, to make baby steps on that road, whereas before, not only was I figuratively being knocked down. The figurative injuries were hampering my progress, clouding my vision, and preventing any real healing.

I did try and change interactionally, but I guess I was at too vulnerable a stage.

Maybe a job in a more suitable environment would work.
I know lads who have gardening jobs, and they love it.
People = pressure for me, espeically scorn loaded people, just there for the money.

I hope this post dosent hijack the thread, as I dont think bushnblair is in anyway like me, but have you thought of another job, away from the monkeys.