I have no drive or ambition

[SubZeroCat]

Yep... I was told at school that I had no ambition and my teacher actually said to my parents that I would probably not achieve much. I left school with two GCE's & then I sodded about at Tech & then left with no quals after a year

I have 9 GCSEs (I think?) and 1 A level

I'm still trying to shrug off the things I was told when I was at school by teachers/parents/grandparents/parents friends....but that's a whole other thread

Idaho - Yep, you're totally right and I am going to, I just don't know how to say it without being too rude

 

[Idaho]

Don't be rude, be polite, earnest but strong. Imagine you were Thatcher!

 

[GoneCoastal]

Idaho - Yep, you're totally right and I am going to, I just don't know how to say it without being too rude

When you are disagreeing with your boss, the key is really to listen first and then be as non-confrontional as possible (if you want to keep you job that is )

Facts count ... not opinions & try not to blame anyone ... doesn't look or sound good

Be positive .... and forward looking ... sort of along these lines IYSWIM

OK, something seems to have gone wrong somewhere ... I'll do XYZ to make sure it doesn't happen again ... may be double check before trips or something like that

Gives a positive spin and also shows u are making an effort to stop what ever happened from happening again (Assuming something did go wrong somewhere) even if you weren't at fault

Hope this helps
P

 

[SubZeroCat]

Don't be rude, be polite, earnest but strong. Imagine you were Thatcher!

I suppose acting like Thatcher when he does summat wrong would work as a good deterrent

I'm gonna do my "calm but disappointed at your unacceptable behaviour" thing.....

Thanks

 

[LDR]

I want to say summat like "I don't think it is beneficial to our working relationship if you assume I am at fault" ?......LDR you're good at this, help me out! He did it again with something else too so this is important.

I'm just out the door for work and I have football straight after but I've got a decent idea of how to approach this problem. I'll post it up tonight.

 

[Streathamite]

Let me turn this on its' head; what do you actually enjoy doing SZC? enough to train at it, grafdt for it, sacrifice for it? becuase I feel that unless and until you get an answer to this question, you'll still feel like you're drifting in 3 years time.

 

[SubZeroCat]

Let me turn this on its' head; what do you actually enjoy doing SZC? enough to train at it, grafdt for it, sacrifice for it? becuase I feel that unless and until you get an answer to this question, you'll still feel like you're drifting in 3 years time.

There's loads of things I really enjoy doing and loads of jobs I fantasise about doing.

Problem - As I have already said I can't commit to studying. I drift away/lose interest or just don't want to do it. It's been like this for years and I don't know what to do about it. I have absolutely no power over myself when this happens. I am chronically lazy and not sure why. For years I just have not been bothered.

Please don't tell me it's easy if I just put my head down and knuckle down cos I can't. I'm not being cunt, I just have this block.

 

[May Kasahara]

When you are disagreeing with your boss, the key is really to listen first and then be as non-confrontional as possible (if you want to keep you job that is )

Facts count ... not opinions & try not to blame anyone ... doesn't look or sound good

Be positive .... and forward looking ... sort of along these lines IYSWIM

OK, something seems to have gone wrong somewhere ... I'll do XYZ to make sure it doesn't happen again ... may be double check before trips or something like that

Gives a positive spin and also shows u are making an effort to stop what ever happened from happening again (Assuming something did go wrong somewhere) even if you weren't at fault

I would agree with all this, with the proviso that at some point you also calmly lay out exactly what did happen, e.g. I booked this according to these instructions you gave me, I was informed by blah that so and so had amended but resolved the situation thus. Absolutely be positive and non-judgemental, but I find that assuring the boss that you will do x, y and z in future to try and eliminate mistakes works much better once you have made him understand that mistakes are made by other people too and problems arise that are out of your hands. Otherwise you make it easy for a blame-layer, which he sounds like, to keep spading it on.

 

[sleaterkinney]

tbh, it probably was a shit job if you got it with no experience (don't take that the wrong way!), and everyone has to do them at first, grin and bear it?

 

[Streathamite]

Thanks for the good advice guys...

I need help with one more thing -

I need to address my manager about an email he sent me saying that his flight times were wrong and that he couldn't believe this and he'd talk to me about it on Wednesday. I know I booked that flight properly and was not surprised when I called the travel company and they said that strangely Air France amended at 9am yesterday morning and they didn't know why. They also assured me that his flight is still booked and ok and he can even take the one 1hr later if he wishes.

I'm angry that he assumed I fucked it up just like that and that he's spent all weekend in the belief that I was in the wrong and planning what to say to me tomorrow.

I want to say summat like "I don't think it is beneficial to our working relationship if you assume I am at fault" ?......LDR you're good at this, help me out! He did it again with something else too so this is important.

Thanks

right, Ok.
The key here is to create a win-win situation. A situation where he gets the most out of it, and so do you. The vital thing is NOT to create a situation of egoes, because in any clash of egoes, the boss ALWAYS wins.
This means you check and double-check your facts, put them before him quite meekly, but then move on. "Of Course, O Great Lord & master, the vital thing is that this situation never happens again, due to circs beyond our control. so what we need to do is 1,2,3" i.e. have the remedies all ready and waiting.

 

[sleaterkinney]

right, Ok.
The key here is to create a win-win situation.

Yeah, Yeah, you have to get some synergy going when you touch base with your boss.

 

[GoneCoastal]

I would agree with all this, with the proviso that at some point you also calmly lay out exactly what did happen, e.g. I booked this according to these instructions you gave me, I was informed by blah that so and so had amended but resolved the situation thus. Absolutely be positive and non-judgemental, but I find that assuring the boss that you will do x, y and z in future to try and eliminate mistakes works much better once you have made him understand that mistakes are made by other people too and problems arise that are out of your hands. Otherwise you make it easy for a blame-layer, which he sounds like, to keep spading it on.

Spot on !

 

[GoneCoastal]

Managing the boss is a whole subject in itself

 

[Streathamite]

There's loads of things I really enjoy doing and loads of jobs I fantasise about doing.

Problem - As I have already said I can't commit to studying. I drift away/lose interest or just don't want to do it. It's been like this for years and I don't know what to do about it. I have absolutely no power over myself when this happens. I am chronically lazy and not sure why. For years I just have not been bothered.

Please don't tell me it's easy if I just put my head down and knuckle down cos I can't. I'm not being cunt, I just have this block.

OK - I think you need a "suck it and see" approach. look at the route to doing the job you really wanna do as a long series of small steps. thibnk if studying a tiny bit at a time. Then a bit more. as Ms T said - if you want a good job, you'll need quals.
I also think if you find a vocation/subject that really, genuinely interests you - you will study, eventually.

 

[Streathamite]

Yeah, Yeah, you have to get some synergy going when you touch base with your boss.

OK, it was a mistake using that sorta phrasing here...

 

[Idaho]

Problem - As I have already said I can't commit to studying. I drift away/lose interest or just don't want to do it. It's been like this for years and I don't know what to do about it. I have absolutely no power over myself when this happens. I am chronically lazy and not sure why. For years I just have not been bothered.

Now forgive me, I don't know you or your troubles, and I am sticking my neck out a little here - but that all sounds like bollocks of the highest order.

You may well have issues that underly this, and various other things going on - but this just sounds like a lack of patience and a fairly common inability to defer gratification and accept that real goals take time and hardly anyone has stuff handed to them on a plate.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off

 

[GoneCoastal]

real goals take time QUOTE]

Very true .....

And to really know your own goals you have to have a good understanding of what it is that you truly value and what really motivates you

I found that it took quite a bit of self-analysis and a fair amount of time before I was able to come up with anything that I really thought was meaningful and relevant to me as an individual

'Twas an interesting exercise to go through though

 

[bluestreak]

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying here.

Are you saying only jobs you don't get paid for are worth doing? That makes no sense whatsoever.

no, not really. i'm just saying that for the vast majority of people, work is what they do because they need the money, not because it's fun. most things that are worth your time and effort you do for the joy of it int it.

only very lucky people get paid for doing something they would do for free.

 

[41132n]

Thanks for the good advice guys...

I need help with one more thing -

I need to address my manager about an email he sent me saying that his flight times were wrong and that he couldn't believe this and he'd talk to me about it on Wednesday. I know I booked that flight properly and was not surprised when I called the travel company and they said that strangely Air France amended at 9am yesterday morning and they didn't know why. They also assured me that his flight is still booked and ok and he can even take the one 1hr later if he wishes.

I'm angry that he assumed I fucked it up just like that and that he's spent all weekend in the belief that I was in the wrong and planning what to say to me tomorrow.

I want to say summat like "I don't think it is beneficial to our working relationship if you assume I am at fault" ?......LDR you're good at this, help me out! He did it again with something else too so this is important.

Thanks

(((SZC)))

There was no way that this was your fault - do you have an email showing the confirmation of the booking and / or one showing the modification that Air France made without your knowledge ? These would be the things to show to your manager.

If you have the time try and get an upgrade from Air france [ or some other form of recompensation ] as a means of apology which may also show your [for the want of a better word ] proactive respose to someone elses fuck up.

e2a: If they give him an upgrade it may act as an ego boost for which he may be greatful even subconciously. If they refuse , then they may become the target of his displeasure. This may be the Win-Win situation you are after.

PLease forgive the management - speak.

Another aspect - you are relatively new to the job market - you are allowed to make mistakes. If your manager can't accept this and is unwilling to support your development as a new employee then you should consider requesting assistance at your next review - whcih should be after 6 months of employment. You are a manager at the age of 19 - I'm a foot-slogger at the age of 37. I think you are achieving more than you give yourself credit for.

Rereading your post - if the flight has already happened and your manager flies frequently push Air France for an upgrade for the next flight. If you have the opportunity to get this in place before the meeting on Wednesday it may be a useful lever.....

 

[SubZeroCat]

Now forgive me, I don't know you or your troubles, and I am sticking my neck out a little here - but that all sounds like bollocks of the highest order.

You may well have issues that underly this, and various other things going on - but this just sounds like a lack of patience and a fairly common inability to defer gratification and accept that real goals take time and hardly anyone has stuff handed to them on a plate.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off

I won't tell you to fuck off cos I don't expect you to understand. I don't really want to go into in detail here + it's far too fucking long anyway.

I suppose I could have tried to sort it out a while ago, now even but I haven't (again for various reasons). Cos it's been so long it makes it really hard to break the pattern and to motivate myself. I have little confidence in my capabilites too (trying to work on it, honest!)

I accept that I am a lazy pathetic waster but unfortunately it won't just change overnight and it will take a while to fix. That's why I think studying in 4 years time or so would be better.

pete - you're right, I need more time. As time goes on I get a better idea of what area of work I'd be good at (health/care etc) but am not yeah sure of what I want to do exactly.

41132n - Thanks I know it's not my fault, hence the anger...I have emails and so on as proof so he can't really deny that it's not my fault. I will call AF tomorrow to ask them..

Thanks for the advice Jezza and May about speaking to my boss

 

[ChrisFilter]

There's loads of things I really enjoy doing and loads of jobs I fantasise about doing.

Problem - As I have already said I can't commit to studying. I drift away/lose interest or just don't want to do it. It's been like this for years and I don't know what to do about it. I have absolutely no power over myself when this happens. I am chronically lazy and not sure why. For years I just have not been bothered.

Please don't tell me it's easy if I just put my head down and knuckle down cos I can't. I'm not being cunt, I just have this block.

I can't study either..

Sadly I reckon you've just gotta keep on trying at your job, it sucks, but it will improve. Make it your own, put loads of effort in, you'll find it starts to get more rewarding. I've been doing a lot of this recently... seems you get out what you put in!

 

[Streathamite]

y'know what SZC? it's motivation that's the issue. nowt else. That's what you lack. Only way to solve that - think of the things you desperately want and set your sights on them

 

[GoneCoastal]

it won't just change overnight and it will take a while to fix.

It's a good first step to recognise that... instant (or very quick) achievement of goals is rare and often means that the goal wasn't challenging/stretching enough

There's a great sense of achievement when you do accomplish something that's a bit above what you thought you could do

E2a: I am very interested in the values/mission/goals approach & found that it did make a difference to me & the way I work & live generally

 

[GarfieldLeChat]

Nice idea but I'd have to save up for 6 months or summat (i.e. 6 months working here!)

rennie - oh ok, fair enough. It's still gonna be a shitty day though

and it be 6 months at the start then it'd be 5 then 4 then 3 then 2 then 1 then a few weeks then you'd be on the plane.... giving yourself summit to work towards means it comes really quickly except of course your last day (think the night before xmas... ) go for it... call it a career break or summit... you won't regret it honest... and people are always looking for managment experince and life experince this could actually help your career too....

doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit

 

[ATOMIC SUPLEX]

[

So, what are my options?
]

Stop wanking, it will build up your vibrant 'get up and go' energy.

 

[GoneCoastal]

I also think if you find a vocation/subject that really, genuinely interests you - you will study, eventually.

Yep... I got my main quals after I sort of fell into I.T. I'd been working a fair few years first (accounting but I never qualified at that)

I only got my Project Management qual the year before last & was well chuffed. I tend to really want to study when I get interested in a subject but tha makes it all the more interesting imo

 

[SubZeroCat]

y'know what SZC? it's motivation that's the issue. nowt else. That's what you lack. Only way to solve that - think of the things you desperately want and set your sights on them

But at the moment I don't desperately want anything.

Maybe I'm just freakish

pete - I don't know what I want now, I don't have any goals....

 

[Blagsta]

Without meaning to sound patronising (so apologies if I do) and without reading the whole thread (so apologies if I repeat what others have said) - you're only 19. Enjoy being young and having no real responsibilities. Try loads of things out, travel, doss about, party. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do when I was 19, I only worked it out when I was about 31 or 32. Don't stress, have fun!

 

[mauvais]

I'm a bit the same. 22, little motivation, always the path of least resistance, just plodding along. I don't particularly like what I do, it's alright, it pays more than enough, but it's not something I want to do forever. I think that's basically what you've said, only a little more urgent.

First of all, have a plan, even if it turns out to be shit later. A financial one would be the best start. If you want to move but can't see a way out, start thinking about to make one. Start saving up money over six months, one year, two years, whatever. For instance I wonder about doing photography or something, another degree, France, I don't know - once I've bought the stuff I want in the next few months, I'm going to start saving and build up the momentum to allow me to take some risks.

In some ways you may need to write off a few things in your life - say 'yes, it's going to be dull for a while but I can stick this out because the possibilities I'll open up are far more rewarding'.

Find things to do and stuff to get involved with. Qualifications aren't the be all and end all - without them it's more difficult to get straight in at the top but to get a foot in the door it's more about what skills you have; stuff you can demonstrate in terms of teamwork and all that crap. Enrich your CV while you're stuck doing something you don't like so much.

Finally, the whole motivation thing - as pointed out, you do have some if you're bothered about getting out! If you're the same as me it'll take a shitty job like that to propel you out of complacency and make you try harder to find what you want.

I reckon everyone but the really lucky ones have been there, so chin up

 

[bluestreak]

OK, it was a mistake using that sorta phrasing here...

for "here" read "anywhere"

seriously subz, you're earning more than anyone i knew at your age, if nothing else take the money