how to throw a house party that isn't shit

[Mr Moose]

House parties should be consigned to history. People seem utterly unable to throw them without stupid decibels and fucking endless screaming.

Parties are fun, so throw them in places that are cheap to hire or like a pub may give you a room to drink in because of the trade you bring.

Homes suit smaller gatherings like a barbie or dinner party with music at what most people could settle on as a moderate volume, finishing rather than starting around midnight.

If you need to recreate a club, recreate a club. Somewhere else.

 

[DotCommunist]

House parties should be consigned to history. People seem utterly unable to throw them without stupid decibels and fucking endless screaming.

Parties are fun, so throw them in places that are cheap to hire or like a pub may give you a room to drink in because of the trade you bring.

Homes suit smaller gatherings like a barbie or dinner party with music at what most people could settle on as a moderate volume, finishing rather than starting around midnight.

If you need to recreate a club, recreate a club. Somewhere else.

can't skin up and do lines at a venue without staff getting the (righteous) hump

 

[Bakunin]

What I'm really looking for are stories of house parties gone wrong to make me feel better

OK, where do I start with stories of my party-related disasters?

There was the time I and some 'acquaintances turned the staircase into the Cresta Run by lobbing gallons of water and a large container of washing up liquid all over it, getting it all foamy and then taking turns sliding down it on trays. Sort of a poor man's luge, if you will.

The now legendary time during my student days where we all got riotously pissed, had a curry fight that left the kitchen honking for weeks (and with some interesting biryani stalagmites extending downward from the ceiling). That was before one of the residents scored with a young lass and took her up to his room. Where we assisted him by bellowing endless repetitions of 'Bread of Heaven' while pounding time on the door.

The Great Custard Powder Debacle. Suitably refreshed and in the mood for a spectacular party piece, I insisted that custard powder can indeed be thrown in the air and touched off with a lighter. Other guests disagreed and, the more they disagreed, the more insistent I became. Cue a large bag of custard powder being detonated to prove my scientific credentials.

In the kitchen.

While other people were in it.

 

[Mr Moose]

can't skin up and do lines at a venue without staff getting the (righteous) hump

How you get stoned at any point in time in the face of whatever social difficulty, sea depth or atmospheric pressure circumstance throws at you is your trial and rite of passage as a young person and a challenge I am sure you will overcome.

 

[DotCommunist]

I'm 32. my days of sly lines in the bogs and crafty jazz cigs are over. These days I want to do it in my own house comfortably then stick on a dvd #oldbeforemytime

 

[Mr Moose]

I'm 32. my days of sly lines in the bogs and crafty jazz cigs are over. These days I want to do it in my own house comfortably then stick on a dvd #oldbeforemytime

Fair enough. Last thing you need is a house party next door.

 

[RubyToogood]

What I'm really looking for are stories of houseparites gone wrong to make me feel better

My 21st was exactly like this. I'd gone to a lot of trouble about food and drink too.

 

[8den]

never invite Doctors or medical students some of the messiest parties I've ever been do have been caused by absolutely paralytic doctors.

 

[Supine]

House parties should be consigned to history. People seem utterly unable to throw them without stupid decibels and fucking endless screaming.

Parties are fun, so throw them in places that are cheap to hire or like a pub may give you a room to drink in because of the trade you bring.

Homes suit smaller gatherings like a barbie or dinner party with music at what most people could settle on as a moderate volume, finishing rather than starting around midnight.

If you need to recreate a club, recreate a club. Somewhere else.

Do the opposite of this. Good house parties start at midnight

 

[AnnO'Neemus]

The Great Custard Powder Debacle. Suitably refreshed and in the mood for a spectacular party piece, I insisted that custard powder can indeed be thrown in the air and touched off with a lighter. Other guests disagreed and, the more they disagreed, the more insistent I became. Cue a large bag of custard powder being detonated to prove my scientific credentials.

In the kitchen.

While other people were in it.

And...? What happened next?

 

[pesh]

Do the opposite of this. Good house parties start at midnight

Screw mattresses over the front room windows. Turn it up. Success.

 

[Celt]

OK, where do I start with stories of my party-related disasters?

snip (and with some interesting biryani stalagmites extending downward from the ceiling). That was before one of the residents scored with a young lass and took her up to his room. Where we assisted him by bellowing endless repetitions of 'Bread of Heaven' while pounding time on the door.

snip

Sorry for pedantry but if it is extending downwards its a Stalactite

 

[Bakunin]

And...? What happened next?

There was a blue/yellow flash and a loud pop, followed by a stunned, dreadful silence, followed by me being rather roughly ejected from said party and told never, ever to darken their door again.

 

[Greebo]

Sorry for pedantry but if it is extending downwards its a Stalactite

Agreed - stalactites have to hang on tightly or they'll fall off, while stalagmites might join up with a stalactite, if they grow big enough.

 

[Mr Moose]

Do the opposite of this. Good house parties start at midnight

Should be finishing off with the tongue thrash classics then m8.

 

[Treacle Toes]

Don't bother throwing a party in your own house. Team up with a mate with a garden and organise a BBQ with a rig and a gazebo to cover all eventualities, invite every random fucker you know, happy days whether 5 turn up or 500

Then when it's all over you can go home to your nice, clean, tidy, quiet house, have a little nap, chill out, and reflect on a job well done

 

[twentythreedom]

I hadn't thought of it like that

 

[Treacle Toes]

I hadn't thought of it like that

Liar!

I knew it...there will never be decks at my place now.

See ska invita this is why we can't have nice things.

BUSTED!

 

[twentythreedom]

Liar!

I knew it...there will never be decks at my place now.

See ska invita this is why we can't have nice things.

BUSTED!

I can see how it looks, but really, not guilty!! Just look at it as an inadvertent compliment that you clearly know how to throw a great party

And I would certainly never refer to ska invita as a random fucker

Pass me that spade please

 

[ska invita]

what what what?

 

[friendofdorothy]

House parties should be consigned to history. People seem utterly unable to throw them without stupid decibels and fucking endless screaming.

Parties are fun, so throw them in places that are cheap to hire or like a pub may give you a room to drink in because of the trade you bring.

Homes suit smaller gatherings like a barbie or dinner party with music at what most people could settle on as a moderate volume, finishing rather than starting around midnight.

If you need to recreate a club, recreate a club. Somewhere else.

Fuck dinner parties. no fun at all and far too much work.
A good house party should have all the fun of a club with out the cost and with a group of people who you know you will like.

Volume is a tricky issue. Best warn the neighbours, apologise in advance with bribed of choc/wine or invite them but only if you like them enough. Surprised any of my neighbours speak to me, but they do. Theres probably some people on the next street who hate me. But hey - only once/twice a year and always on a friday or saturday night

 

[Mr Moose]

Fuck dinner parties. no fun at all and far too much work.
A good house party should have all the fun of a club with out the cost and with a group of people who you know you will like.

Volume is a tricky issue. Best warn the neighbours, apologise in advance with bribed of choc/wine or invite them but only if you like them enough. Surprised any of my neighbours speak to me, but they do. Theres probably some people on the next street who hate me. But hey - only once/twice a year and always on a friday or saturday night

It's considerate of you to only fuck their weekend up and not any important time of theirs. Let's hope none are athletes of any type with anything on the next day.

 

[Gromit]

Homes suit smaller gatherings like a barbie or dinner party with music at what most people could settle on as a moderate volume, finishing rather than starting around midnight.

If you need to recreate a club, recreate a club. Somewhere else.

Depends on the home. Probably the best party I ever went to anywhere was a large 3 storey town house. The two hosts didn't re-create a night club... they recreated Glastonbury as they weren't able to go that year and so Glastonbury Themed Birthday Party was born.

Hallway - Large security barricade and gate made out of cardboard. Hosts dressed in Devil's outfits as they were the security from hell. You stepped into the cardboard passageway which was closed behind you. Whilst in the dark you were asked the password (which was simply your name) and then a door opened and let you through into the hallway proper where you were greeted by a stairway to heaven which had smoke falling down it.

Living room - They built a large Pyramid around their TV which was playing videos of the main stage at Glastonbury. So basically they had their own pyramid stage. Disco ball and lights in operation of course too.

Kitchen - If you looked out the kitchen window to the garden you could see scores of campfires stretching off to the distance. A miniature double decker bus made of (cardboard again) sat in the table. Open the bus up and it contained bottles of real welsh cider (which a friend of mine brews as a small sideline).

Garden - Here you discover the campfires were in fact tea lights scattered across the garden. A sign saying welcome to the Glade.

Oh there was no toilet roll in the toilet. You were given a toilet roll on a string to wear about your neck and take in with you when needed.

I'm probably forgetting a few more details.

Did I mention there were hash brownies?

 

[Orang Utan]

elevenerife

 

[twentythreedom]

Depends on the home. Probably the best party I ever went to anywhere was a large 3 storey town house. The two hosts didn't re-create a night club... they recreated Glastonbury as they weren't able to go that year and so Glastonbury Themed Birthday Party was born.

Hallway - Large security barricade and gate made out of cardboard. Hosts dressed in Devil's outfits as they were the security from hell. You stepped into the cardboard passageway which was closed behind you. Whilst in the dark you were asked the password (which was simply your name) and then a door opened and let you through into the hallway proper where you were greeted by a stairway to heaven which had smoke falling down it.

Living room - They built a large Pyramid around their TV which was playing videos of the main stage at Glastonbury. So basically they had their own pyramid stage. Disco ball and lights in operation of course too.

Kitchen - If you looked out the kitchen window to the garden you could see scores of campfires stretching off to the distance. A miniature double decker bus made of (cardboard again) sat in the table. Open the bus up and it contained bottles of real welsh cider (which a friend of mine brews as a small sideline).

Garden - Here you discover the campfires were in fact tea lights scattered across the garden. A sign saying welcome to the Glade.

Oh there was no toilet roll in the toilet. You were given a toilet roll on a string to wear about your neck and take in with you when needed.

I'm probably forgetting a few more details.

Did I mention there were hash brownies?

Worst festival ever

 

[Fez909]

Plan less, just get the essentials: food, drink, music. And invite me

 

[Pickman's model]

throw a house party in a house which only has stairs and a kitchen, because everyone knows those are the best places at a party.

 

[Mr Moose]

Depends on the home. Probably the best party I ever went to anywhere was a large 3 storey town house. The two hosts didn't re-create a night club... they recreated Glastonbury as they weren't able to go that year and so Glastonbury Themed Birthday Party was born.

Hallway - Large security barricade and gate made out of cardboard. Hosts dressed in Devil's outfits as they were the security from hell. You stepped into the cardboard passageway which was closed behind you. Whilst in the dark you were asked the password (which was simply your name) and then a door opened and let you through into the hallway proper where you were greeted by a stairway to heaven which had smoke falling down it.

Living room - They built a large Pyramid around their TV which was playing videos of the main stage at Glastonbury. So basically they had their own pyramid stage. Disco ball and lights in operation of course too.

Kitchen - If you looked out the kitchen window to the garden you could see scores of campfires stretching off to the distance. A miniature double decker bus made of (cardboard again) sat in the table. Open the bus up and it contained bottles of real welsh cider (which a friend of mine brews as a small sideline).

Garden - Here you discover the campfires were in fact tea lights scattered across the garden. A sign saying welcome to the Glade.

Oh there was no toilet roll in the toilet. You were given a toilet roll on a string to wear about your neck and take in with you when needed.

I'm probably forgetting a few more details.

Did I mention there were hash brownies?

Sounds good fun and I hope it was all packed up and quiet by midnight.

 

[Mr Moose]

throw a house party in a house which only has stairs and a kitchen, because everyone knows those are the best places at a party.

Or convert other rooms into temporary kitchens.

 

[Gromit]

Sounds good fun and I hope it was all packed up and quiet by midnight.

I doubt it was all packed up but at least half the guests had left (including me) and the music had been toned down to mere background sounds probably about half an hour before I'd gone (some time before 12).