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How to make your bike look shit (to deter thieves)

Herbsman. said:
Next up:

Dress like a homeless alcoholic to avoid getting mugged or raped.
- Wear filthy, ripped clothes.
- Cease all methods of personal hygiene and grooming.
- Walk around town drunk, with can of special brew in hand.
- Piss and shit self regularly.
- Regularly beg people for change for 'a cup of tea' or for 'bus fare to the STD clinic'.
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:D

Someone once said to me in all seriousness that the reason I had been mugged so many times was because I was too clean and tidy.

As for making my bike look shit - no way. I wouldn't want it if it looked like a piece of crap. I bought it because it was good looking! (amongst other things).
 
editor said:
Err, because if you're in the saddle all day or have to cover long distances, a shit cheap bike makes for an uncomfortable, slower and harder ride?
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I suppose so, but I was (slightly tipsily) thinking in terms of a few miles' commute rather than serious riding. In the latter case, yes, I suppose a decent bike is an advantage.
 
Best thing to do is just lock it up properly in a secure place - no need to uglify it - why spend all that money only to ruin it all?
 
Herbsman. said:
no-one's attempted to steal it, probably because no-one wants to contend with a kryptonite new york shackle.
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this is true, they're fucking invincible. i lock up my colnago with fancy italian paint job in areas of high bike theft worked over by professional thieves (islington, clerkenwell, shoreditch) with my kryptonite mini D and i haven't lost one yet.
 
Roadkill said:
Why not just have a shit bike and have done with it? :confused: I really don't see the point in spending a fortune on a bike at all. Provided it gets you about, what's wrong with £25 of old wreck from the local secondhand shop? Unless you're avery serious cyclist, it'll do just the same as a fancy bike, and no-one will nick it.
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Cos it looks nicer and feels nicer and works better- same reason why you would spend more money on anything!
 
Orang Utan said:
Best thing to do is just lock it up properly in a secure place - no need to uglify it - why spend all that money only to ruin it all?
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As I keep trying to explain, this isn't for everyone, but if you need a good bike and have to routinely leave it locked up in urban areas, it's a course of action that many have decided to be prudent because:
a) there aren't always 'secure places' available and
b) No bike lock is invincible

I had a lovely Kuwahara mountain bike that was left on a busy, well lit traffic island in Islington, secured by two heavy duty D Locks. It got nicked mid evening, when loads of people were about. If the bike hadn't looked so gleaming shiny, new and expensive, it probably would have been less likely to have attracted attention.

For my next around town bike, I switched to a decent 531 framed road bike and tatted it up a bit. It got left alone.
 
beesonthewhatnow said:
You could always, you know, get a car ;)
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For driving around London? LOL. And with all that pricey insurance, road tax, MOT, repairs, petrol and the cost of the car, you could get yourself a small fleet of decent pushbikes instead. And stay fitter and get around town much quicker too.

Your suggestion is 100% fail sir.
 
Herbsman. said:
*yawn* I'm off to bed, my opinion hasn't changed, and my bike is still beautiful. And no-one's attempted to steal it, probably because no-one wants to contend with a kryptonite new york shackle.i.e. a proper deterrent. Which also, erm, actually stops people from taking the bike. Because, it's, like, a lock.

Night night!
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I could open your posh lock in two mins flat. :p
 
TopCat said:
I could open your posh lock in two mins flat. :p
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And this is basically what it comes down to, and why the editor is right to make his point.

Proper bike thieves will nick your bike if they want to. They will do it in broad daylight, in front of loads of people, in seconds. They won't care what lock you have, because they're all easy enough to bust if set upon by hydraulic bolt cutters.

So, there are two routes:

1) Don't leave your bike anywhere in public
2) If you insist upon leaving your bike in public, make it look a bit less valuable

Proper bike thieves know their onions. Of course they can tell if a bike is any good, regardless of any efforts to make it look older and cheaper, but the thing the bike thieves don't have quite as much of is time. They cruise the streets of foggy London town in a transit van. If they see a nice bike, they'll make a couple of passes, hover by it, a bloke will jump out, cut the locks, put it all in the van and drive on. Making your bike look shit doesn't stop people knowing it's a good bike, but it does mean it isn't quite so much of an advert for it. "COLNAGO RACER PROPER FUCKING FAST 500X" is nice and easy to see from a van cruising for bikes.
 
Herbsman. said:
*yawn* I'm off to bed, my opinion hasn't changed, and my bike is still beautiful. And no-one's attempted to steal it, probably because no-one wants to contend with a kryptonite new york shackle.i.e. a proper deterrent. Which also, erm, actually stops people from taking the bike. Because, it's, like, a lock.

Night night!
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I agree with you - a good lock is the best deterrent. The key to working out whether a lock is a good one (apart from the star ratings) is to find out if a pair of bolt-croppers can get through it. The majority of D-locks can be cut - unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to realise this, or that a small percentage of very good locks can resist.

But still, take a chill pill - did you get out on the wrong side of bed or summat? :p
 
Brainaddict said:
I agree with you - a good lock is the best deterrent. The key to working out whether a lock is a good one (apart from the star ratings) is to find out if a pair of bolt-croppers can get through it. The majority of D-locks can be cut - unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to realise this, or that a small percentage of very good locks can resist.

But still, take a chill pill - did you get out on the wrong side of bed or summat? :p
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There's two levels of bike thief. Amateur and pro. You buy a good (£100+) lock to stop the amateurs... there isn't a lock on the market that will stop a proper pro.
 
ChrisFilter said:
There's two levels of bike thief. Amateur and pro. You buy a good (£100+) lock to stop the amateurs... there isn't a lock on the market that will stop a proper pro.
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Sure, if they've got power tools and so on. I don't get the impression they account for most bike thefts though. I don't have any statistics but from what I've heard the majority appear to be taken by 'amateurs' and I think you'd have to be quite unlucky to fall foul of a professional gang driving round with a van.
 
Brainaddict said:
Sure, if they've got power tools and so on. I don't get the impression they account for most bike thefts though. I don't have any statistics but from what I've heard the majority appear to be taken by 'amateurs' and I think you'd have to be quite unlucky to fall foul of a professional gang driving round with a van.
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No. Most bike theft is opportunistic by nature with kids/dodgy types looking to make a few easy quid.

They're rarely bike experts and are unlikely to bother to hang about to carefully inspect the components of a tatty looking bike - they'll just go for the kind of thing they know they can sell easily. And that's nice, shiny, expensive looking bikes.

I've really no idea why I've attracted such hostility on this thread, btw. It's not like I'm ordering people to start sticking tape all over their bikes, but I believe the advice given in the OP would be useful to some cyclists worried about having their bikes nicked.

Oh, and not everyone can afford bike insurance either - I certainly couldn't when my only bike was stolen and it hit me hard for a long time.
 
ChrisFilter said:
There's two levels of bike thief. Amateur and pro. You buy a good (£100+) lock to stop the amateurs... there isn't a lock on the market that will stop a proper pro.
Click to expand...
My lovely Kuwahara bike was certainly stolen by pros. There was only about seven of the frames in the UK and quite distinctive, so I kinda hoped I'd find the culprit sooner or later, but it had probably been shipped straight out of the country.
 
Brainaddict said:
I agree with you - a good lock is the best deterrent. The key to working out whether a lock is a good one (apart from the star ratings) is to find out if a pair of bolt-croppers can get through it. The majority of D-locks can be cut - unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to realise this, or that a small percentage of very good locks can resist.

But still, take a chill pill - did you get out on the wrong side of bed or summat? :p
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Nah, I was very tired (it was late night when I was posting) and had spent 12 hours in the passenger seat of a van helping someone do deliveries in london. So there's an excuse for my crankiness (pun intended)
 
Brainaddict said:
Sure, if they've got power tools and so on. I don't get the impression they account for most bike thefts though. I don't have any statistics but from what I've heard the majority appear to be taken by 'amateurs' and I think you'd have to be quite unlucky to fall foul of a professional gang driving round with a van.
Click to expand...

Once you get to the £1k mark (and have the appropriate locks) then you're most likely to fall prey to the pros.
 
Herbsman. said:
Next up:

Dress like a homeless alcoholic to avoid getting mugged or raped.
- Wear filthy, ripped clothes.
- Cease all methods of personal hygiene and grooming.
- Walk around town drunk, with can of special brew in hand.
- Piss and shit self regularly.
- Regularly beg people for change for 'a cup of tea' or for 'bus fare to the STD clinic'.

Next week we'll show you how to
Ruin the appearance of your home to avoid getting burgled.
Including tips on inducing mould patches on your wallpaper! And how to make your curtains look like they've been shat on.
Click to expand...

Ha ha ha :D
 
I've always taped my bikes up with a bit of black material tape. Soak it all off if I want to sell it (though I usually run them into the ground). It's sound advice (though I've also got two locks and full insurance). When there's around 60 bikes all outside in the street, it's worth making yours not stand out too much.
I did this in London too.

Professional bike thieves here recently lifted an entire bike rack into the back of a van, given that they are concreted into the floor usually that was quite an achievement.
 
I always found the best deterrent to having my bike nicked was by being 6'7" and having a saddle so high that anyone who saw it a) had no chance of riding it away and b) thought (hopefully) 'I don't want to fuck with the bloke who owns that if he comes back while I'm nicking it. So, erm, growth hormones are obviously the answer.
 
2571007688_d50d410ee4.jpg
?
 
i've got a chunky but cheap £25.00 lock. I don't think i could carry anything heavier around in my back-pack without putting it in the boot of a car.

How much does a £100 lock weigh :eek: ?

And how do you carry around a large, heavy fuck-off lock while perched on top of a bike?

genuine Q ....
 
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