How good a host are you?

[mrsfran]

I can't be having people just dropping by, the flat might be (and frequently is) a sty. I don't have the kind of friends who would just randomly pop round. I don't live in the 1960s, after all. But if they're invited, I'm nice. I fucking love cooking for people. I want people to feel at home enough to feel happy to put the kettle on or whatever.

 

[moomoo]

I don't live in the 1960s, after all.

Perhaps things are done differently in London but it's quite normal here to pop in and out of friends houses...

 

[Herbsman.]

I don't have the kind of friends who would just randomly pop round.

That's really fucking sad.

And I know, because my friends don't either.

 

[Guineveretoo]

but, like if i came round yours to visit for some reason, you wouldn't make us a cuppa?

If I didn't know you very well, I would.

Once you became a "friend", you would have to make your own. Only special people get to help themselves and to make tea for me, don't you know!

 

[mrsfran]

Perhaps things are done differently in London but it's quite normal here to pop in and out of friends houses...

Perhaps that's what you do in the provinces, but not here I'd never drop by a friend's house unannounced, and I wouldn't expect a friend to randomly turn up without calling first. Well, that's not strictly true, if my best friend turned up I'd throw open the door and welcome her in, but that's because she lives in Oman and it would be a cracking surprise.

 

[quimcunx]

I like people to feel comfortable here so encourage them to help themselves to stuff.....

I use this excuse too. I sometimes find myself putting up either people I don't actually know very well (sometimes never met) from all parts of the country/world, or quite a number of people at once, or both. Though not for a while, now.

I make them their first cup of tea/coffee/juice/water. Other than that I tell them to help themselves and there is a 24hour shop 2 mins away that they can buy their own choice of snacks/breakfast from on the way home from us being out.


As for dinner parties, they are just stressful. I spend all night in the kitchen cooking or getting drinks then just as I can relax and sit down for a proper chat they are drunk,tired and ready to go home.

 

[Guineveretoo]

Out of interest, do you people have an open house or do people have to be invited to come to visit?

Since I moved to London, no-one ever comes to visit me anymore, unless I invite them, and I rarely bother to invite anyone other than close friends, because it is such a hassle for anyone to get here, that all they do is moan.

But, if anyone is passing and knows where I live, please pop round. Unfortunately, I have to keep the front door closed, because I want to keep the cats away from the main road, but the back door is usually open, so long as you can fight past the Japanese Knotweed, giant spiders, and barky dogs from next door, just come in and help yourselves. I have got dozens of different flavours of tea, and one coffee (I don't drink coffee - so I only keep it for guests). Biscuits are in the cupboard.

 

[cliche guevara]

I run an open house, people just show up form ime to time. Except for my parents, they are on a very much invite only basis.

 

[moomoo]

Perhaps that's what you do in the provinces, but not here I'd never drop by a friend's house unannounced, and I wouldn't expect a friend to randomly turn up without calling first. Well, that's not strictly true, if my best friend turned up I'd throw open the door and welcome her in, but that's because she lives in Oman and it would be a cracking surprise.

Awww, that makes me so glad I don't live in London! I'd be paranoid that no one liked me if no one came to visit!

I'm going to come round your house now when we come down........

 

[Guineveretoo]

Perhaps things are done differently in London but it's quite normal here to pop in and out of friends houses...

That is certainly what happened in Cambridge.

 

[quimcunx]

That's really fucking sad.

And I know, because my friends don't either.

Hello Herbsman.


I don't really want people to pop round unexpectedly. I prefer a little notice so I can tidy up. It's sometimes the only thing that inspires me.

I do however have a habit of not going to bed or having my bath til late just in case someone turns up wanting to go clubbing. That this has only happened once and i'd say no on a Monday night is by the by.

 

[Guineveretoo]

Perhaps that's what you do in the provinces, but not here I'd never drop by a friend's house unannounced, and I wouldn't expect a friend to randomly turn up without calling first.

That's what is sad.

I much preferred it back when I lived in the sticks, and people did just pop round to each other's houses.

 

[mrsfran]

That's really fucking sad.

And I know, because my friends don't either.

No it's not I have great friends. But we don't randomly pop round each other's houses because we all live over a mile from each other and don't drive. We meet down the pub.

If a friend showed up on my doorstep (and wasn't having some kind of crisis) it would be very unusual. We all work full time, in the evening we're having tea or relaxing or whatever. It's not a bad thing.

 

[Pip]

Perhaps things are done differently in London but it's quite normal here to pop in and out of friends houses...

Not round here. My flat's on the way to Sainsburys and near the tube, so I often get unexpected visitors.

 

[Guineveretoo]

Awww, that makes me so glad I don't live in London! I'd be paranoid that no one liked me if no one came to visit!

I'm going to come round your house now when we come down........

Come to my house, too. It's a complete mess (apart from the sitting room - I half tidied that earlier, so it's only half a mess), but I would love to have someone popping round.

My doorbell broke the other week, and I didn't bother mending it, since the only people who use it are people trying to sell me something.

 

[Herbsman.]

I wish people would just turn up without any sort of arrangement, cos I like randomness, I hate it when stuff is organised, it just feels a bit, erm, formal, can't think of a better word because I'm half-cut, but ya know what I mean.

 

[aqua]

Pretty rubbish I think. But my friends know where the kettle/tea/coffee/biscuits are kept so all good.

I like people to feel comfortable here so encourage them to help themselves to stuff.....

this

 

[softybabe]

I reckon I'm a good host but i dont have people over often cos I dont have time to entertain besides my family are in and out so often there's no point hosting

I reckon ddraig is better than me though 'some tea' 'water' 'wot can i get ya' constantly i cldnt keep up with that!

 

[mrsfran]

I'm not sure why it's seen as a good thing that people can just turn up uninvited at your house at any time. To me, that means I'd have to be tidying up all the time! I wouldn't be able to sit around in my pants drinking beer, for one thing.

I mean, I wouldn't turn anyone away, I love having people over. But a little warning is a good thing.

 

[quimcunx]

Not many man on this thread despite using the male 'host' in the title.

 

[moomoo]

I'm not sure why it's seen as a good thing that people can just turn up uninvited at your house at any time. To me, that means I'd have to be tidying up all the time! I wouldn't be able to sit around in my pants drinking beer, for one thing.

I mean, I wouldn't turn anyone away, I love having people over. But a little warning is a good thing.

I don't like it when I'm having a nap and I wake up to my brother in law staring at me for example...

 

[mrsfran]

Having just said all that, I realised that I do actually pop down to my neighbour on the floor below fairly frequently (and she pops up too) to borrow stuff/ask them to feed my cat or whatever. But when the flat's a sty I have to say "You can't come in! My flat is a sty!"

And I've never made her a cup of tea.


I'm a terrible host.

 

[Pip]

I'm not sure why it's seen as a good thing that people can just turn up uninvited at your house at any time. To me, that means I'd have to be tidying up all the time! I wouldn't be able to sit around in my pants drinking beer, for one thing.

That's pretty much what I'm doing now, and I'd still happily let people in
And why's it so bad for your friends to see a bit of mess?

 

[Herbsman.]

No it's not I have great friends. But we don't randomly pop round each other's houses because we all live over a mile from each other and don't drive. We meet down the pub.

If a friend showed up on my doorstep (and wasn't having some kind of crisis) it would be very unusual. We all work full time, in the evening we're having tea or relaxing or whatever. It's not a bad thing.

Oh dear a whole mile, what a trek, what a journey!

Well guess what, all of my friends live at least three miles away and we all work full time too, but this isn't some kind of "how far away do your friends live" competition.

I'm not going to argue that you should like what I like, or that you should think the same way as me, all I'm saying is that I find it very sad that it's not normal for people's friends to just pop round to eachothers houses. I think it is a nice surprise when someone turns up unannounced, I don't give a fuck if my house is untidy, even if there were sex toys and illegal drugs lying about the place, so what? We're all human for fucks sake, I ain't ashamed of the way I live, it's not like I do anything in my house that I don't want anyone else to see, especially my friends, so they're welcome to come around whenever they want - IF they want.

Obviously you feel differently, I don't have a problem with that, I'm not going to argue with you, each to their own. I just feel it is sad that people have to arrange to see their friends. It's too 'official' IYSWIM - these are people I feel comfortable with and enjoy spending time with, they are 'one of us', not outsiders that I have to put up false pretenses and schedule meetings with...

 

[geminisnake]

I'm not sure why it's seen as a good thing that people can just turn up uninvited at your house at any time. To me, that means I'd have to be tidying up all the time! I wouldn't be able to sit around in my pants drinking beer, for one thing.

Why would you have to tidy all the time? Love me, handle my mess and my state of undressedness(I'm generally clothed but sometimes in pjs or my 'slobby' stuff)

If I'm an unusual state of clothedness my door would be locked so I could put summat on before I answer

We live two miles out of town and people drop in unannounced

 

[mrsfran]

That's pretty much what I'm doing now, and I'd still happily let people in
And why's it so bad for your friends to see a bit of mess?

It's not really, my friends would hardly think any less of me if they saw my flat was a mess I guess what I mean is that my flat is like my sanctuary, I want to feel I can completely relax, could wander around with pants on my head and a pencil up my nose and no one would randomly walk in or knock on the door.

Oh dear a whole mile, what a trek, what a journey!

Well guess what, all of my friends live at least three miles away and we all work full time too, but this isn't some kind of "how far away do your friends live" competition.

I'm not going to argue that you should like what I like, or that you should think the same way as me, all I'm saying is that I find it very sad that it's not normal for people's friends to just pop round to eachothers houses. I think it is a nice surprise when someone turns up unannounced, I don't give a fuck if my house is untidy, even if there were sex toys and illegal drugs lying about the place, so what? We're all human for fucks sake, I ain't ashamed of the way I live, it's not like I do anything in my house that I don't want anyone else to see, especially my friends, so they're welcome to come around whenever they want - IF they want.

Obviously you feel differently, I don't have a problem with that, I'm not going to argue with you, each to their own. I just feel it is sad that people have to arrange to see their friends. It's too 'official' IYSWIM - these are people I feel comfortable with and enjoy spending time with, they are 'one of us', not outsiders that I have to put up false pretenses and schedule meetings with...

You seem very belligerent about this, have you had a few? I'm only answering your statement that it's sad, not trying to enter a competition And while you might be happy for your friends to wander in and see sex toys and drugs lying about the place, I really wouldn't. Not least because they'd probably be all like "Is this a crack-filled dildo? Do we need to to have a talk?"

 

[berniedicters]

Since I moved to London, no-one ever comes to visit me anymore, unless I invite them, and I rarely bother to invite anyone other than close friends, because it is such a hassle for anyone to get here, that all they do is moan.

But, if anyone is passing and knows where I live, please pop round. Unfortunately, I have to keep the front door closed, because I want to keep the cats away from the main road, but the back door is usually open, so long as you can fight past the Japanese Knotweed, giant spiders, and barky dogs from next door, just come in and help yourselves. I have got dozens of different flavours of tea, and one coffee (I don't drink coffee - so I only keep it for guests). Biscuits are in the cupboard.

Are they hobnobs?

 

[Guineveretoo]

Are they hobnobs?

The current batch aren't, but they will be from now on, just in case an urbanite takes pity on me after this thread, and turns up unannounced to call my bluff

 

[Pip]

It's not really, my friends would hardly think any less of me if they saw my flat was a mess I guess what I mean is that my flat is like my sanctuary, I want to feel I can completely relax, could wander around with pants on my head and a pencil up my nose and no one would randomly walk in or knock on the door.

I don't mean to sound patronising but I suspect this is a generational thing. My flat's my sanctuary too, but unless I'm in a proper shit mood (in which case my intercom gets turned off), it can only be improved with the addition of chums, no matter what state of undress or intoxication I'm in.

in fact, the drunker and more naked the better!

 

[Herbsman.]

You seem very belligerent about this, have you had a few? I'm only answering your statement that it's sad, not trying to enter a competition And while you might be happy for your friends to wander in and see sex toys and drugs lying about the place, I really wouldn't. Not least because they'd probably be all like "Is this a crack-filled dildo? Do we need to to have a talk?"

- Yes, I've had a few, but I would still have said the same

- I never said you were trying to enter a competition, I just didn;t want it to seem like I was trying to score points when I said my friends live further away than yours do

- Like I say, I don't want to argue with you because it's pointless, each to their own. I just find it sad that some people are too ashamed of themselves to have their friends come round unannounced and that they have something to hide from them.