Hip-Hop Lines To Use In Job Interviews

[BigTom]

you're going to be doing a 6 week workfare placement

even though we getting money you can gimmie some more

got a letter from the government the other day

 

[stuff_it]

"Are you working?
What kind of work do you do?"

 

[Pickman's model]

how did you get here today?

straight outta compton

 

[stuff_it]

"alright Snoop, what you wanna be when you grow up?

- i wanna be a motherfuckin hustla, ya betta ask somebody"

 

[blairsh]

"So Mr Coronel, what do you feel makes you the right person for the role of head chef?"

"I like beef and broccoli mother fucker! Mind your god damn business"

 

[alsoknownas]

"Why are you particularly focused on this role as opposed to other employment options?"

Fuck flipping burgers,
Cos I deserve a,
Nine-to-five I can be proud of,
That I can speak loud of,
Help a nigga get out of,
Yo - the concrete playground,

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

"What qualifies you to be BuzzFeed's travel writer? Do you consider yourself well travelled?"

"i've been Southampton but I've never been to Scunthorpe"

 

[Athos]

How will you balance this demanding role with your personal life?

Ain't worried 'bout pussy, no time for relaxation. Only thing that's on my mind is Benjamin Franklin

 

[DotCommunist]

this will be your first time working in an all female enviroment- have you any qualms about this

I got 99 problems but a bitch aint one

 

[BigTom]

Working in a butchers, you'll be handling a lot of uncooked meat, will that be a problem?

Ooh baby I like it raw! Yeah baby I like it raw

 

[Voley]

As a member of our streamlining team tasked with identifying people whose role has ended and are to be offered a redundancy package, how will you deal with the unpopularity you will face in the workplace

Takin' a life or two, that's what the hell I do,
You don't like how I'm livin'? Well Fuck You!

 

[alsoknownas]

"We've noticed you have some absences due to ill-health on your previous employment record. We like to think of ourselves as a supportive workplace, so this needn't be an issue, but - without elaborating too much - how would you say your state of health is currently?"

At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn,
Candlesticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned,
Four walls just staring at a nigga,
I'm paranoid, sleeping with my finger on the trigger,
My mother's always stressin' I ain't living right,
But I ain't goin' out without a fight,
See, every time my eyes close,
I start sweating and blood starts coming out my nose,

 

[Voley]

We think you're the man for the job but - and it's a big but - we have doubts about your honesty.

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

 

[Voley]

At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn,
Candlesticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned,
Four walls just staring at a nigga,
I'm paranoid, sleeping with my finger on the trigger,
My mother's always stressin' I ain't living right,
But I ain't goin' out without a fight,
See, every time my eyes close,
I start sweating and blood starts coming out my nose,

You be illin'.

 

[Rebelda]

We see here that you received a formal warning recently.

It wasn't me.

 

[DotCommunist]

Due to the size and near constant operation of our industrial kilns we have an above average working temperature- can you work in a hot enviroment

till the sweat drips from my balls

 

[mentalchik]

So have you had any experience working in a busy kitchen?

I just toss that ham in the fryin' pan
Like spam
It's done when I come in

 

[rekil]

"Just two more questions for you Mr.Beastie. Do you have an up to date forklift operator certificate? And since the commute from New York is somewhat challenging, can you assure us that 5am starts won't be a problem?"

Yes Yes Y'All And Yes Yes Y'All
I'm Always On Time Never The Less Y'All

 

[alsoknownas]

"We take each candidate as he or she comes, and place less emphasis on academic achievement as on personal ability and motivation. However, we would like to get some idea of your academic background - perhaps you could start with your post-graduate achievements and work forwards from there?"

I skipped class in school a few times but I ain't dumb nigga,
Pitched grass too a few times but I don't pump nigga,
Never was the fastest in class but if you put me on the track,
I was guaranteed to run niggas,

 

[eatmorecheese]

Personal security is a strong point in our company, considering appointments that finish late in badly lit areas. How will you ensure your staff team is safe at all times?

I grew up in a place where little kids get shot in the face
You can lose your life just for being in the wrong place
So I don't wonder when I see a glock in little man's waist
If you was him you would
If you wouldn't, you're living in space
It ain't a movie with the real goonies on a crank ting...

 

[twentythreedom]

What role do you foresee for yourself in our modern police service?

"A dumb mutherfucker with a badge and a gun"

 

[friedaweed]

Well thank you for coming in Mr Weed. Are there any questions you'd like to ask us?
No I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop

 

[ska invita]

As you are aware this post is currently being consolidated with what were previously three separate posts, leaving the successful applicant the opportunity to carve out their own specific job title, depending on their own strengths and areas of interest. Have you any thoughts on what form this job title might take, and do you think you'll be able to handle the additional workload?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, now what's a title to fit me?
A champ like Tyson, a Captain like Kirk, no
Employee of the Month, cause yo, I do work
The K-A-N-E
is on the J-O-B
An expert, cause I get it D-O-N-E
So lights, camera, action - all hail the one!
That gets the job done

I get the job done - I work - baby....

 

[tufty79]

A large part of the job will be manually filing cases - your CV indicates you have previous experience in this. Could you describe your preferred organisational methods?

A to the motherfucking Z

 

[SpookyFrank]

And I see you worked as a criminal defence lawyer for some time, how would you describe your work in that field?

Representin' for the gangsters all across the world

 

[alsoknownas]

"So, the job will involve a fair amount of hard selling - financial products, re-adjusted annuities, etc. We'll be relying on you to make sure potential customers bite, and that targets are met. How do you feel about operating in a pressurised sale environment?"

Nigga, you don't gots to explain shit,
I've been robbing muthafuckas since the slave ship,

 

[bi0boy]

No skills to pay the bills
Talkin' 'bout education to battle inflation
No college degree, just a dumb ass G
(Yeah you Nigga, who me?)
I got a baby on the way, damn it's a mess
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Yes
Took some advice from my Uncle Fester
All dressed up in polyester
Welcome to McDonalds may I please help you?
shit, what can I do?

 

[alsoknownas]

"You'll be managing a small team of co-workers in an environment that will require sensitivity, tact, and assertiveness on your part. Let's act out a scenario here - let's say that I'm a junior colleague who has failed to sufficiently carry out a filing task. How do you think you might approach that?"

I'll fuckin - I'll fuckin tie you to a fuckin bedpost with your ass cheeks spread out and shit, right?, put a hanger on a fuckin stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour, take it off and stick it in your ass slow like *Tssssssss*,
Yeah, I'll fuckin - yeah I'll fuckin lay your nuts on a fuckin dresser, just your nuts layin on a fuckin dresser, and bang them shits with a spiked fuckin bat
BLAOWWW!!,
I'll fuckin - I'll fuckin pull your fuckin tongue out your fuckin mouth and stab the shit with a rusty screwdriver, BLAOWW!!

 

[skyscraper101]

So what brings you to the army recruitment office?

"I got a letter from the government the other day"

 

[Patteran]

What do you think will be the good points to working in this chippy?

Fish, which is my favourite dish.