Have you ever been attacked by a god?

[maximilian ping]

yes..i think those IDIOTS posting on the silly 'have you been attacked by a dog' thread should be paying attention to our one to get some idea of THE REAL CAUSE of their problems.

as you said, the flying spaghetti monster was obviously behind the bull mastiff attack, in the same way that when i was nipped by a labrador i was 'pretend riding' when i was 5 years old, i think it was almost definitely being egged on by the god of fishcakes. the shit

 

[fishfingerer]

jesus. i can't believe agrona tried it on in the dole office. the closest i've come to an actual attack is poseiden making a grab for my ankle in a urinal in madrid

The local rag did a piece on welfare goddesses and she came out of it quite poorly. Hasn't been the samesince.

 

[miss giggles]

yes..i think those IDIOTS posting on the silly 'have you been attacked by a dog' thread should be paying attention to our one to get some idea of THE REAL CAUSE of their problems.

as you said, the flying spaghetti monster was obviously behind the bull mastiff attack, in the same way that when i was nipped by a labrador i was 'pretend riding' when i was 5 years old, i think it was almost definitely being egged on by the god of fishcakes. the shit

I wish I hadn't been posting on that other thread now, this is an infinitely superior one Gods are seriously scary, and there's no dangerous God act to protect us, is there? Luckshimi (dodgy spelling, Hindu God of money anyway) has been spanking my arse for years.

 

[oryx]

I'm tho Thor I can't even pith.

<old joke. Don't ask me remember the whole of it.>

 

[gurrier]

From experience, I advise people *not* to challenge Ganesh to a boxing fight.

It's not only the extra arms (although they are a bastard to defend against) the cunt isn't above sticking the head in.

Bastard

 

[Loki]

Thor had some rather unkind words to say to me when I lopped Sif's (his wife's) hair off. I thought they'd get the joke

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/ice/coo/coo05.htm

 

[ViolentPanda]

Eris has fisted me many times, but I don't think that counts, 'cos it was consensual.

As for YHWH, I'm not even going to get into that cunt's list of crimes against me...

 

[ViolentPanda]

Thor had some rather unkind words to say to me when I lopped Sif's (his wife's) hair off. I thought they'd get the joke

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/ice/coo/coo05.htm

I notice you've kept quiet about your wolf-shagging antics, oh father of Fenris!


I'm calling the RSPCA on you laddie, Rolf'll be round to bludgeon you to death with a paint-spattered canvas before you can say "rainbow bridge"!

 

[maximilian ping]

thor's hammer would be probably be the size of the empire state building. an attack with that weapon would be unfair on a human, i think

 

[newharper]

Have you ever seen Jehovah and Allah in a room together, though?

<hhmmmmm>

err, aren't they meant to be the same bloke?

 

[pilchardman]

err, aren't they meant to be the same bloke?

 

[darren redparty]

didn't greek gods have a habit of manifesting as a 'shower of golden rain', or is that just taking the piss?

 

[In Bloom]

didn't greek gods have a habit of manifesting as a 'shower of golden rain', or is that just taking the piss?

boom-tsh

 

[Brainaddict]

I got well and truly fucked in the arse by Jehovah, but it's okay now cos I ripped his nads off and nailed them to his face

 

[Ryazan]

I had a set to with Agrona, celtic goddess of slaughter, in the dole office once. She'd jumped the queue and I suggested that wasn't on so she swung her bag of cans at me and nearly took my head off. Several sidhe had to hold her back 'he's not worth it!' etc until things calmed down. She was a fox though.

Celtic mythology is cool.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

Felt up by Vishnu.

 

[tobyjug]

Well?

I have frequently been shat on from a great height but I don't think god had anything to do with it.

 

[Yuwipi Woman]

If you consider being dragged out of a perfectly nice, safe womb onto a planet occupied by insane, violent, and increasingly bizarre people, being attacked--then yes, I have. I just can't figure out which fucker is responsible.

 

[laptop]

Thing is, you can't bang 'em away for a stretch. Well you can, but they use their powers to escape.

You've not really thought through the full implications of omnipresence, have you?

It might have been a comment like this that put Thor into that thunderous mood - or it might have been the Special Brew...

 

[mauvais]

I'm omnipresent on that poll up there. Soz. I thought I'd lie a bit, but by the last option, I was suitably ashamed.

 

[pilchardman]

You've not really thought through the full implications of omnipresence, have you?

Aye, well not all gods have the omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence thing going for them.

 

[Purdie]

Well?

Well, too much skunk when i was living in Amsterdam caused me to have a conversation with Neptune who was communicating through the river behind Centraal Station once. He was really giving me a bollocking but to this day i can't remember what for

 

[nino_savatte]

I've been attacked by phildwyer, does that count?

 

[kyser_soze]

I glassed Shiva in a pub once.

NOT a happy camper. Laid waste to the place and the landlord couldn't claim on the insurance cos he wasn't covered for 'Acts of God(s)'

Boom-tish.

 

[ViolentPanda]

I've been attacked by phildwyer, does that count?

Phil isn't a g-d, he merely believes he is.

 

[nino_savatte]

Phil isn't a g-d, he merely believes he is.

Aye, there is a difference and many mental health patients also believe they are God, Jesus or the Buddah. There is a name for this condition I believe...is it "God complex"?