getting your own back on housemates

[tufty79]

AHAHAHAHA!

i has access to kitterns, an make a scarecrow, and i'm sure ket can't be that hard to source.


lookout housemates

(love y'all really

Inject them with a large dose of ketamine while they sleep, meanwhile, suspend a stolen scarecrow (a right nasty looking fucker) above their bed with a series of complicated hooks and pulleys so it hangs about 12" from their sleeping heads. Bring in a bag full of wet kittens that you found in the canal and balance several open jars of beetroot on the floating scarecrow.

Record a tape of you screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA with a load of lions roaring and babies crying dubbed onto it and put it in a walkman, turn it up as loud as possible, and using some extra long earphones, put the earphones in their ears while you take the walkman just outside the door.

Put a load of balloons saying 'HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY' around the place as well just to properly freak them out. as well as a load of cobweb effect material hanging from the ceiling and walls. Sneakily take a photo of your flatmates mum, blow it up and paste it to one of those pull down screen things people use to project images onto. Roll this up and hang it from the wall opposite his bed with a cord attached to his toe so as he stands up it'll drop the screen down exposing his mums massive face right after he's been attacked by a scarecrow with a load of beetroot and cats all over him listening to the sounds of hell while thinking he's in a batcave and its his 60th birthday

Now.........about 5 mins after injecting the ketamine, get outside the room, press play on the walkman and wait for the ensuing hilarity that will probably get him sent to an insane asylum, but will at least stop him from pissing you off when your trying to get some shut eye

 

[quimcunx]

Leave a suicide note saying that you've gone out to throw yourself under a bus cause you've blown your disertation thanks to lack of concentration due to lack of sleep, life ain't worth living anymore etc. Then hide in a cupboard.

When my mum gave me into trouble and sent me to my room, I would open the window then hide in the cupboard so she thought I'd run away when she came to fetch me for my tea.

I would last 2 minutes tops.


Anway what this thread needs is some mauvais.

 

[johnnymarrsbars]

Leave a suicide note saying that you've gone out to throw yourself under a bus cause you've blown your disertation thanks to lack of concentration due to lack of sleep, life ain't worth living anymore etc. Then hide in a cupboard.

this is actually a genuinely good idea.

 

[mauvais]

When my mum gave me into trouble and sent me to my room, I would open the window then hide in the cupboard so she thought I'd run away when she came to fetch me for my tea.

I would last 2 minutes tops.


Anway what this thread needs is some mauvais.

I'm afraid I just can't top the scarecrow thing right now

 

[quimcunx]

I'm afraid I just can't top the scarecrow thing right now

You could lend them Michael Heseltine's family. That'd learn 'em.

 

[mauvais]

Oh yeah - you owe me a message etc.

Hesso's wife and kids are all bagged up for easy evidence collection later but I forgot to label em, so if I ever want to rebuild them for some kind of Tory zombie nightmare I will just have to guess which bit goes where.

 

[Bob_the_lost]

All my years at university have taught me one thing:

The uses of pigs blood are infinite.

 

[quimcunx]

Autoreply:

Owing to recent illness, Ms Cunx has been unable to deal as promptly with recent weeks' correspondences as she would like, resulting in an unfortunate but unavoidable backlog. Please be assured that all outstanding correspondence has been prioritised in order of importance and your inquiries will be dealt with once she's finished with those.

Perhaps in the meantime you could direct your ire at the subject in hand instead of derailing.

 

[Bob_the_lost]

Do they have a car? One i read in a dilbert book: Pour a small puddle under the engine, they will notice it and send it off to the mechanic, who'll then spend hours trying to find the non existent leak. Then do it again and again and again.

 

[fjydj]

a very horrible ex flat mate always used to eat whole jars of jam and spreads and stuff with a spoon after getting pissed and never bought any replacements....

so we carefully mixed a load of laxative powder into them... childish but very funny.

doesn't make up for a miserable year before they moved out though.

 

[quimcunx]

When my flatmates piss me off too much I just tell them to find somewhere else to live using my landlordly powers.