Fuck it i'm going to do it!

[mrs quoad]

Ive sprained my ankle and can't walk very far so a jog is out of the question. I suppose I could manage a limp to the shops to buy the morning paper and YES I could get up at 8am. I can't get to the gym on my ankle so a swim is also out of the question but I could tidy the flat, apply for a job, make an appointment to see the nurse at my GP surgery about my weight loss/also my regular blood test. I could do some writing. I need to go sign on tommorow which will mean a taxi to the jobcentre (as I can't walk that far at the moment)

^^^

Short-term, realistic, describable, pragmatic, physical goals.

Great stuff.

Im going to save up and do my research masters (which I have been planning to do for ages). I am also going to concentrate on my writing. I write poetry, short stories, drama. I might go on the scriptwriting MA at Salford Uni which is done on an evening.

Longer term might think about doing my anthropological fieldwork (for PhD) Maybe getting some of my creative stuff published.

Also want to lose a bit of weight and get some new togs. I feel a bit scruffy at the moment.

^^^

All great... but far more indistinct. And all longer-term. Which is fine, but unlikely to give you any sense of achievement in the short-term. None of those are 'things I can do today', or 'short-term easily measured / ticked-off Things'.

 

[dessiato]

Have been pondering my life recently. Have decided that I am going to listen to the advice of the boards and take charge of my life. I am not a victim. I am master of my own destiny and I am going to at least attempt to do the things I want to do.

I have been down and depressed for too long, moping around, sleeping in all day. I am going to grab life by the balls and do something constructive with my time.

Thats all

Will report back on how I am doing over time...

Go for it, grab life by the throst and live it! Or as a friend once said to me 'fuck the fucking fucker!' Life is for living.

 

[Shevek]

was reading my psychologists 'report' on my psychology treatment last night before I went to bed. There was an interesting bit on goal setting, as some on here have said, breaking big goals down into manageable chunks.

I think its about PERSPECTIVE. As Mrs Quoad has said before [stop seeing insurmountable obstacles and see possibilities]. I think it is possible to look at these things as CHALLENGES rather than OBSTACLES.

As most on this thread seem to agree it is also about SHORT TERM, REALISTIC, ACHIEVEABLE goals aswell as BIG PICTURE, BLUE SKIES THINKING. I need to set myself some do-able tasks in there here and now and be pleased with ticking them off my to do list before I gradually move onto my bigger ambitions

 

[weltweit]

You can have big hairy blue sky goals, in fact that can be very good, but you have to understand that the journey towards achieving them is made up of loads of quite small achievable steps.

Hence: the longest journey begins with a single step.

 

[TrippyLondoner]

was reading my psychologists 'report' on my psychology treatment last night before I went to bed. There was an interesting bit on goal setting, as some on here have said, breaking big goals down into manageable chunks.

I think its about PERSPECTIVE. As Mrs Quoad has said before [stop seeing insurmountable obstacles and see possibilities]. I think it is possible to look at these things as CHALLENGES rather than OBSTACLES.

As most on this thread seem to agree it is also about SHORT TERM, REALISTIC, ACHIEVEABLE goals aswell as BIG PICTURE, BLUE SKIES THINKING. I need to set myself some do-able tasks in there here and now and be pleased with ticking them off my to do list before I gradually move onto my bigger ambitions

Exactly right. I like that advise mrs quoad said to,about seeing possibilities not obstacles, i think i have slowly begun to see things that way, but i think you can only fully think like that once you have a path opened up for you to go somewhere. The key basically is just getting started.

 

[Shevek]

Had a good day. Got up at 10:00 (not 08:00 because I stayed up till 5 am helping my partner on radio production ideas). So got up wandered to the shops bought some bacon barms and the paper. Came back, filled in my job centre booklet, got taxi to job centre, signed on, came back, chatted to partner for a while, rang doctors surgery but was shut, went to the Midland Hotel for tea with my partner and one of his friends, went to my partners office and met one of his employees. Got a taxi home.

 

[D]

job centre - CHECK!

nice one

 

[D]

or would you all say "tick" instead of "check?"

 

[newme]

job centre - CHECK!

They have just unwittingly paid for me to travel the country on the train with their cash under false pretences, mwahaha teach you fuckers to make me go through the shitty process of signing on whilst proving to be completely clueless about anything that might help me.

 

[newme]

or would you all say "tick" instead of "check?"

ye definitely tick, showing your americanness there miss D

 

[D]

ye definitely tick, showing your americanness there miss D

but wouldn't you also say (or, er, write) "cheque" not "check"?



Anyway, got no qualms about my Americanness showing...

 

[newme]

but wouldn't you also say (or, er, write) "cheque" not "check"?



Anyway, got no qualms about my Americanness showing...

of course we would, thats the PROPER way
My cornishness has apparently been showing this evening

 

[Shevek]

first proper day of 'new me'. Have been for a 50 minute swim at the YMCA. Am now at my boyfriend's office (he is not here, he is in a meeting somewhere in town). I need to get some lunch and then maybe hit the library or Waterstones for some research/reading (don't really feel like I can do anything till I have eaten though).

Later on this evening I am going to go to a meditation class.

I am feeling very positive and motivated although I think it is going to take a while for the 'reality' of my life (overweight, worn out clothes, untidy flat) to catch up with how I am feeling.

For example I looked at jobs on the internet this morning. I am only looking for admin jobs because I dont feel up to doing anything like a 'proper' career. My appearance and confidence aren't in my view up to scratch. So I want something that isn't too taxing to begin with. I'd even do data entry. I realise all jobs are taxing to some degree but I need to start at the bottom.

When I was looking on jobs sites I realised my confidence/confidence in my appearance was so low that I couldn't approach these people/walk into agencies/ring people up.

I think I have to gradually build my confidence. Maybe I will do some volunteer work. I know it isn't going to solve our cash crisis but at least it will build my self esteem.

Shevek

 

[Shevek]

Went to meet my partner. Had a sandwich in a Cafe on Oxford Street (a main street in Manchester near the conference centre). There were loads of Tories around and I felt like smacking them/interogating them about their shit political opinions.

Partner went off to have a meeting with some bloke who is organising a media conference and I went to the bank to transfer some money from Mr Shevek's account to mine to cover some direct debits that are due out.

It was pissing it down in Manchester and I got drenched through. On the way from the bank back to Mr Shevek's offices I found a tenner in my wallet so I bought some milk for the office (I like drinking coffee) and a Subway sandwich.

Came back to the office, ate the subway sandwich, made everyone a hot drink and came onto Urban. Really looking forward to my meditation class in 2 hours time.

Shevek

 

[derf]

I have been down and depressed for too long, moping around, sleeping in all day. I am going to grab life by the balls and do something constructive with my time. ..

Smart cookie. I did that a few years back, had a total change and it's bloody great.
Best of luck.

 

[Shevek]

have been to my meditation class again today. Am feeling a lot better. Feel more confident and optimistic. I feel as though I believe in myself and my own abilities. Am looking forward to the next few days and weeks as I put everything I have learnt into action.

 

[sorearm]

good stuff.

whereabouts do you do your Meditation?

we should meet up for a coffee/beer etc as we're in the same city

 

[Belushi]

Thats great news shevek, keep it up mate

 

[Shevek]

Thats great news shevek, keep it up mate

thanks, am feeling a LOT LOT better!!

 

[Shevek]

Im looking forward to tommorow when I can start putting my new feelings into practise.

Shevek

 

[Shevek]

update...

Have been doing my meditation twice a week for about a month now. The other week I thought I was really getting somewhere with it but this week I have not been getting such a buzz from it.

I have got a bit depressed with it but I am going to carry on with it.

I went to Liverpool on Sunday and I somehow felt better. I felt part of something bigger amongst the crowd and I felt like anything was possible.

Although I want to change my life nothing yet has changed. I am still overweight/scruffy and don't feel particularly challenged. I don't really know what I am trying to say.

I feel a bit frustrated, as if it is going to take a long period of time before I see any noticeable difference in my life but then I find that I am just sitting back and waiting for something magically to happen and I don't think that is what I am meant to be doing either.

I still feel as though my challenges have changed into stepping stones and that as Mrs Quoad says I am seeing beyond the obstacles but nothing has changed yet.

 

[Shevek]

I feel like something is going to happen but I'm not sure

 

[TrippyLondoner]

I feel a bit frustrated, as if it is going to take a long period of time before I see any noticeable difference in my life but then I find that I am just sitting back and waiting for something magically to happen and I don't think that is what I am meant to be doing either.

I still feel as though my challenges have changed into stepping stones and that as Mrs Quoad says I am seeing beyond the obstacles but nothing has changed yet.

Just keep trying to gain in confidence from every step you take. It takes some effort but gets easier i think, or in my case its starting to. The more i go to my course the more i'm settling down now, and not getting as anxious as before, which is a relief. Don't expect something to magically happen, just keep going on day by day would be my way of thinking about it. Meditation isn't going to magically change your situation on its own. Maybe you're relying too much on it? Dunno,i'm only wondering really.

 

[Shevek]

I dunno what I'm trying to say really. When I was Liverpool the other day I felt part of something bigger and that I could do anything I wanted to. I was really looking forward to the week as I could put it all into action, but when the week came nothing happened. I probably am relying too much on meditation.

I just generally feel confused. I feel as though I should be able to do things (i.e. be succesful) but I can't decide what to do and what risks to take. Although I sometimes feel hopeful the fact that nothing is changing makes me feel a sense of gloom. I feel as though I am going to go on like this indefinately

 

[TrippyLondoner]

I dunno what I'm trying to say really. When I was Liverpool the other day I felt part of something bigger and that I could do anything I wanted to. I was really looking forward to the week as I could put it all into action.

How were you hoping to put it into action?

 

[Shevek]

I don't know. Even though I sometimes feel as though I can start to work towards my goals when I decide to do it I find that I don't have the infrastructure around me to do stuff. For example with my desire to do my masters degree I don't have a current library card for the uni library to get books. I want to get a part time job to earn some money but I feel bad about how I look and don't feel confident about approaching employers

 

[Shevek]

I am hoping that if I stick with it things will improve

 

[TrippyLondoner]

I am hoping that if I stick with it things will improve

They will, just keep this in mind, no one ever achieves anything by giving up. Obvious i know, but a good thing to tell yourself, imo.

 

[soulfulofsoul]

I dunno what I'm trying to say really. When I was Liverpool the other day I felt part of something bigger and that I could do anything I wanted to. I was really looking forward to the week as I could put it all into action, but when the week came nothing happened. I probably am relying too much on meditation.

This goes against what people usually say, but based on your posts I think you focus too much on you're feelings. You don't feel great atm and haven't for some time. But you seem to hope that tomorrow, or next week or something that will change and you are, er, really aware of/ in touch with your feelings. They kind of get in the way tbh.

I suggest you forget how you are feeling and just be hard-headed about making changes in your external world. If you don't have any clothes that you can approach an employer in then try something like getting a day or a week's cash in hand work in construction (or something). Then buy clothes and get a better job. It doesn't have to be 'the' job but something kind of alright (just don't be too fussy).

It sounds like there are two things that would make you happy- a new job and a new wardrobe. So, spend the next couple weeks or months making that happen. You say you're intelligent - then it shouldn't be hard to find a way to get money for interview clothes. And it shouldn't take more than a fortnight (max). Then force yourself to apply for jobs and attend interviews, whether or not you feel good about yourself on that particular day. If you stick at these two goals you will achieve them.

Then you'll catch yourself feeling good (or at least better) about yourself. It'll just happen when you're in your nice new clothes or having a laugh at work.

Then come up with a couple more goals and repeat. But focus on external goals, stuff that will make you feel better on the inside.

 

[girasol]

I know how you feel, I'm at a point in my life I NEED to take action (about work) but everything I look at seems complicated and bewildering. There's so much choice... And I'm getting old...

But if I don't do it then what? Stuck doing the same thing for the rest of my life... Some days it feels like I should go for it, and others it just scares me that I'll end up making the wrong decision, I won't be able to cope with full-time job, studying, being a mum.

And what if I go down the wrong path? Every decision/change in my life was sort of made for me, it just happened... This time I need to make it happen but I don't know if I have the balls.