Fork Etiquette: a rant

[scifisam]

Every dinner time, without fail:

Mum: 'Electrogirl! Hold your knife and fork properly!
Me:'oh for god's sake'
Mum: 'you're eating like a navvy!'

I don't even know what that means.

I got that - and 'you're eating cack-handed.'

Dad, we're in a caravan on Canvey Island; I don't think correct fork etiquette is really going to make us leap up the social ladder.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

I do that, I just squish them onto the fork,

...you miss the tiny joy of each little pea exploding in your mouth that way

 

[Crispy]

I've been frowned at by people for scooping food onto my fork

Jesus Christ

 

[pigtails]

Jesus Christ

what do you do with your fork??

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Mum: 'you're eating like a navvy!'

I don't even know what that means.

I think your answer lies here....

Navvy is a shorter form of navigational engineer (USA) or navigator (UK) and is particularly applied to describe the manual labourers working on major civil engineering projects. .....Many navvies were immigrants, as manual labourers of low social standing and training requirements often are in relatively affluent societies

 

[electrogirl]

Ha brilliant. My mum, the racist.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Ha brilliant. My mum, the racist.

Bless

 

[Crispy]

what do you do with your fork??

I use it to shovel food into my face

 

[pigtails]

I use it to shovel food into my face

 

[Crispy]

If it all goes in my mouth, then it's a been a good day

 

[perplexis]

Surely what this is really about is that you should only stab the food with the fork pointing downwards so that it looks a bit like stuff is getting pushed onto the back of it, but mostly by a process of impaling. As opposed to stabbing it while its concave face is facing upwards, which is awkward and potentially injury-ridden?
i.e. something practical and not some kind of benighted snobbery? At least at its origins, I hope.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

Surely what this is really about is that you should only stab the food with the fork pointing downwards so that it looks a bit like stuff is getting pushed onto the back of it, but mostly by a process of impaling. As opposed to stabbing it while its concave face is facing upwards, which is awkward and potentially injury-ridden?
i.e. something practical and not some kind of benighted snobbery? At least at its origins, I hope.

I fear you are wrong my dear! That would be applying some kind of logic to a situation where no logic exists. It's all about rules denoting who is in and who is not in. U or non-U if you like. Which reminds me - how do we ban Bunny fucking Guinness from Gardeners Question Time?

 

[pigtails]

If it all goes in my mouth, then it's a been a good day

I'm trying to make food stains down your front a fashion statement.

If I 'wear' it often enough I figure people will think it's on purpose!

 

[Mrs Miggins]

I'm trying to make food stains down your front a fashion statement.

If I 'wear' it often enough I figure people will think it's on purpose!

We call 'em "dinner medals" in our house

 

[perplexis]

I fear you are wrong my dear! That would be applying some kind of logic to a situation where no logic exists. It's all about rules denoting who is in and who is not in. U or non-U if you like. Which reminds me - how do we ban Bunny fucking Guinness from Gardeners Question Time?

I suspect you're right.
However, anyone who thinks food can be better enjoyed by balancing it in a completely impractical manner needs an appointment with a shouty chef ASAP.

 

[electrogirl]

I drank gravy from a mug once.

 

[scifisam]

I fear you are wrong my dear! That would be applying some kind of logic to a situation where no logic exists. It's all about rules denoting who is in and who is not in. U or non-U if you like.

Spangles gave a good practical explanation for the silly fork usage.

 

[Mrs Miggins]

I drank gravy from a mug once.

you dirty dirty bastard. How can you show your face in public?

 

[8ball]

There was one time where I was in a branch of pizza express where they do really good burgers (the one near Hyde Park Corner if you want to know) and we all got the burgers and they all started eating them with a knife and fucking fork! Burgers are EAT WITH YOUR HANDS food.

I've seen them eating fucking pizzas with a knife and fork.

I had to stab them.

 

[MightyAphrodite]

What is your stance on the "5 second rule" Mrs Miggins ?

 

[Mrs Miggins]

What is your stance on the "5 second rule" Mrs Miggins ?

I don't know what that is......

 

[MightyAphrodite]

I don't know what that is......

If your food falls in the floor (or on the street etc) if you pick it up within 5 seconds it doesn't count and you can eat it like nothing happened.

I'm a supporter by the way.

 

[8ball]

I'm a supporter by the way.

You look the type . .

 

[pigtails]

What is your stance on the "5 second rule" Mrs Miggins ?

ace rule!

 

[Mrs Miggins]

If your food falls in the floor (or on the street etc) if you pick it up within 5 seconds it doesn't count and you can eat it like nothing happened.

I'm a supporter by the way.

oh I'll pick up and eat food that has fallen on the floor - 5 seconds or not - people are far too clean these days IMO. Nowt wrong with the floor. I wouldn't eat something that had fallen in a pile of dog poo though....

 

[TrippyLondoner]

I'm from a northern working class family and I just don't get these rules!

It would be polite of them not to make such stupid rules in the first place, but oh no we can't have that can we!

 

[8ball]

It would be polite of them not to make such stupid rules in the first place, but oh no we can't have that can we!

We all know why this nonsense got made up.

It's just hard to let it all drop when it's been drummed into you since birth . .

 

[Mrs Miggins]

We all know why this nonsense got made up.

It's just hard to let it all drop when it's been drummed into you since birth . .

Well quite but I still hate the way these people can make me feel inferior...although i also know that noone can make me feel inferior without my consent....

 

[weltweit]

"An Englishman only has to open his mouth or pick up a piece of cutlery for half the population to instantly despise him! "

Said about the class divide by someone I can't recall who.

 

[TrippyLondoner]

"An Englishman only has to open his mouth or pick up a piece of cutlery for half the population to instantly despise him! "

Said about the class divide by someone I can't recall who.

What an odd country this is.