Feminism- experiences of man-whispering and the refusal to do so...

Discussion in 'theory, philosophy & history' started by Rutita1, May 17, 2019.

  1. Rutita1

    Rutita1 Sassy McFlashy

    Following on from spanglechick 's post on another thread and the interesting points she and other's made...

    I often refuse to Man-whisper, I can see that it's sometimes my default...in my life I have had so much more beef with men than women, particular alphas. Even as a heterosexual woman.

    I was not nurtured to yield or whisper useless you actually wanted to (choice eh?) by the significant females in my life growing up... Wider society, shared culture, the patriarchy, of course all there and affecting but in personal everyday interactions my default isn't to demure myself...this has had a major impact on my relationships with men within and outside of my family.

    What about you? :)

    How do you understand the idea of 'man whispering' in terms of female identity and safety?

    How does that reflect on your own life and relationships?

    ETA:

     
    Last edited: May 17, 2019
  2. Supine

    Supine Rough Like Badger

    What is it?
     
    teuchter, BigTom, Enviro and 3 others like this.
  3. Rutita1

    Rutita1 Sassy McFlashy


    Good point..i'll add examples. :thumbs:
     
    Lupa likes this.
  4. ska invita

    ska invita back on the other side

     
  5. SheilaNaGig

    SheilaNaGig Struggling and striving

    It’s not you, it’s me... ( I don’t like you as much as I thought I would, I feel played and I want to get away from you without making you angry/hurt and then becoming all weird and stalkerish or talk shit about me)

    It’s not that *you* don’t make me come, it’s more that I have a problem when I’m not able to... (What the fuck is this shit! There’s two of us here, slow down, pay attention!)

    It would be wonderful if sometimes, if you’re not too busy or preoccupied, if you could maybe... (rather than Sort it out ffs!)
     
  6. spanglechick

    spanglechick High Empress of Dressing Up

    Heh. So, I might explain a bit more.

    True to the spirit of NAMNAW, broth my father nor my ex husband needed special ways of phrasing things to avoid a row... but, having been increasingly frustrated by my partner’s insecurity-driven over-reaction if I try to brooch any topic that includes my unhappiness with what he has done, I resorted to communicating in a way that was entirely designed to hear the message without his instinctive emotional klaxon silencing further discussion. I discussed this with my sisters and it seems to be not uncommon.
     
    muscovyduck likes this.
  7. Rutita1

    Rutita1 Sassy McFlashy


    Can you give an example of this? Even if made up I mean.
     
  8. spanglechick

    spanglechick High Empress of Dressing Up

    The biggest breakthrough involved me sending him a text, forbidding him from replying (he was working away overnight), telling him to read it again in the morning, and then if he still wanted to talk about it when he got home the next evening, we could.

    We never did discuss it, but all the issues about money that he’d been unable to hear from me for years, more or less got sorted, because he could finally hear the message and not the klaxon.
     
  9. weepiper

    weepiper Jock under the bed

    I have to do this all the time with Mr W. It's exhausting.
     
    Clair De Lune, yield and Manter like this.
  10. petee

    petee i'm spartacus

    youse realize that men have no monopoly on this.
     
  11. Santino

    Santino lovelier than lovely

    Don't do this, please. This is just 'but what about the menz'.
     
    Yu_Gi_Oh, Manter, gentlegreen and 3 others like this.
  12. ItWillNeverWork

    ItWillNeverWork Messy Crimbobs, fellow humans.

    *files into box containing other such horrors such as manspreading and micro-aggressions.
     
    Johnny Vodka likes this.
  13. S☼I

    S☼I .

    I'm still not really clear on what it means. Is it an old thing with a new name? What is it?
     
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  14. farmerbarleymow

    farmerbarleymow Seagull + Chips = Happy Seagull

    I've not heard of the term before, but from what I understand from the thread (and happy to be corrected here), it might be phrasing things in a way to soften the message to avoid a bloke reacting rather than saying what you think.
     
  15. gentlegreen

    gentlegreen Well-Known Member

    It's such a shame.
    I'm still always surprised by the 40 year old chap at work come out with MRA shit - in spite of doing pretty well compared to the next generation - he's gone down the Jordan Peterson rabbithole.
    A more enlightened place of employment would be difficult to find - maybe 50 percent (highly educated) women.
    He seems a little over-protective (patronising) of his divorced mother ...

    For me, I noted the appearance of "lad mags" in campus shops several decades ago - though I didn't anticipate what that generation of males would end up like.

    Why would anyone be afraid of being challenged by anyone - male or female ?
    It's a key aspect of how we learn and connects us to people.

    That said, I have found myself in danger of being accused of "man-splaining" a couple of times when I've seen young female cyclists putting themselves in danger .. I see it more as old-splaining - and perhaps they'd see it that way.

    Usually with male cyclists they're behaving like arseholes and that dictates the appropriate advice.
     
  16. ItWillNeverWork

    ItWillNeverWork Messy Crimbobs, fellow humans.

    So treading on eggshells, as it's usually called.
     
  17. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Starry Wisdom

    Man-whisperer: a super-subspecies of the female gender who has learned (through trial and error) to adopt a sympathetic view of her man's motives, needs and desires. She effectively negotiates a win-win resolution while using imperceptible key buzzwords, which inspire her man to satisfy her requests, all the while making it seem like his brilliant idea.

    Donna Sozio & Samantha Brett, the Man-whisperer: a gentle results-oriented approach to communications (2011)
     
    Johnny Vodka likes this.
  18. TopCat

    TopCat Gone away, no forwarding address

    It's just managing someone. Applies to men and women.
     
    no-no, splonkydoo, Enviro and 6 others like this.
  19. Manter

    Manter Lunch Mob

    Women second guessing what they say and how they say it to men.

    In intimate relationships to avoid emotional explosions or even physical violence. In professional contexts to avoid being written off as bitchy/aggressive/emotional etc. Etc etc
     
  20. Sweet FA

    Sweet FA ✪ Three rounds Lord, in my .44 ✪

    It's alright ladies, it doesn't exist.
     
  21. Manter

    Manter Lunch Mob

    Phew! I’ll get back to cleaning up the kitchen then
    ;)
     
    tim, muscovyduck, JudithB and 7 others like this.
  22. Lupa

    Lupa I get knocked down...but I get up again.

    It absolutely exists.
     
    Rutita1 likes this.
  23. Manter

    Manter Lunch Mob

    He was being sarcastic :)
     
    kalidarkone and Sweet FA like this.
  24. weepiper

    weepiper Jock under the bed

    Do you know what, it's really very boring EVERY TIME women identify something that happens between us and men specifically that men pop up and dismiss it. Very very boring.
     
  25. SheilaNaGig

    SheilaNaGig Struggling and striving

    This isn’t what’s being flagged up here.

    It’s what Manter said.
     
    muscovyduck, mango5 and Lupa like this.
  26. ItWillNeverWork

    ItWillNeverWork Messy Crimbobs, fellow humans.

    It's even more boring when someone takes a universal human experience and makes it gender specific so as to claim special victimhood status. And then invents a silly word for it.
     
    jontz01, Lupa, no-no and 7 others like this.
  27. ItWillNeverWork

    ItWillNeverWork Messy Crimbobs, fellow humans.

    If this is the case then ignore my previous post
     
    Lupa likes this.
  28. wiskey

    wiskey Albatross Admirer

    Don't we do this with everyone though? I speak to my mum/boss/friends/husband/children in specific tailored ways to aid getting a good result.
     
  29. Rutita1

    Rutita1 Sassy McFlashy


    So we don't need Feminism at all then. Women and men are the same, treat eachother the same, are educated to have the same outlook and aspirations. Just another silly word we invented to claim special victim status?
     
  30. SheilaNaGig

    SheilaNaGig Struggling and striving

    It’s not just about getting a good result.

    It’s actively avoiding a bad result. And the potential escalation that can follow.
     

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