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Embracing Singledom

"Embracing singledom" is what smug marrieds and over-sexed young people try to tell people like myself to do. (2 girlfriends in 50 years).

That said, you have to weigh that against all the horrors of sharing your life with a weird species obsessed with squeezing themselves into uncomfortable clothes and lethal shoes ...
 
gentlegreen said:
"Embracing singledom" is what smug marrieds and over-sexed young people try to tell people like myself to do. (2 girlfriends in 50 years).

That said, you have to weigh that against all the horrors of sharing your life with a weird species obsessed with squeezing themselves into uncomfortable clothes and lethal shoes ...
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Fuck yeah, I'm not going to miss having to get a cab 100m because 'I can't walk in these shoes'
 
Yelkcub said:
How do you do it? Last time I has split up with someone lived with who actually thought it would last with, I went clubbing weekend, took drugs and had a million one-night stands.

I was 28 then though, and I'm 35 now. The one night stands won't come so easy, the drugs will take too long to recover from and clubs have lost their magic.

How now?
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We're roughly the same age!!
Okay the drugs will take longer to recover - that part is true. But the pulling, attracting a partner is easier I think! Don't know about one night stands - think quality not quantity!
 
William of Walworth said:
One tip : avoid pretending to yourself that singledom is really really the best thing for you unless that genuinely how you feel.
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JohnnyOrange said:
William is wise. While singledom's a thing to enjoy, there's no point in pretending to yourself that it's the bestest thing ever unless you mean it. I found that admitting to myself 'yeah, this isn't bad but it's ultimately not the way I want to be' felt better than putting on a face and pretending that I preferred to be single.

That's not the same as rushing into a relationship with the first person you snog though. There's preferring not to be single and being desperate.

Whatever makes you happy, really, as long as you're being honest with yourself.
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You knew what I was getting at J.O., thank you ...

And yes to this too ...

gentlegreen said:
"Embracing singledom" is what smug marrieds and over-sexed young people try to tell people like myself to do.
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Yeah I used to get that 2 or 3 years ago now and again, and fuck it was annoying! :mad:

'Embracing singledom' is only something that someone can do for themselves (and genuinely meaning it as I and Johnny were saying before)

But if someone else though is almost instructing you to be positive about being single, well .....

(proper encouragement/positivity from others is fine of course ... )
 
I've never gotten this enjoy the freedom bit. You can do whatever the hell you want now.

I could before but then I had someone to do it with. Now I have to either do it alone (which puts me off) or hope it's one of the rare occassions my smug couple friends are allowed out.
 
internet dating is an endless stream of potential ... as long as you find the right sites ;) my single friends have never had it so good. just sign up and go!
gx
 
Rather be happy and single, than involved with someone that made me feel like a prisoner.

I joined various clubs (Muay Thai, BJJ, the gym) when I was single. Met loadsa people and kept myself occupied. And sooner or later, I attracted like-minded folk. I gave up clubbing and one night stands when I grew up.
 
100% masahiko said:
Rather be happy and single, than involved with someone that made me feel like a prisoner.

I joined various clubs (Muay Thai, BJJ, the gym) when I was single. Met loadsa people and kept myself occupied. And sooner or later, I attracted like-minded folk. I gave up clubbing and one night stands when I grew up.
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Thats a no brainer.

I'll be vollunteering for a community radio station as of next month. Awaiting my training.

Thinking of doing a night course or something at some stage.
 
Marius said:
Pub
Cinema
Resturants
Gigs

The usual.

No one to do it with. Watch TV instead and fart around on the net.
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Right, screw this. I am this --------------> <------------------------ close to setting up Urban Fun Club. Do you know what Urban Fun Club is? Urban Fun Club is a place - it changes every week or remains the same - where likeminded people of urban come together to enjoy some fun together. This "fun" might take the form of going to the cinema to watch a film from Hong Kong with exploding cops in it, or it might take the form of going to see a rapper in a wheelchair. Either way, it will involve fun and it will be fun.

I failed business law yesterday, which means that I have to continue my course to August at least but once I am done if I see any more moping from the likes of you, Marius, or you, Yelkcub, I will initiate fun club. And once a Fun Club Initiation Sequence has been commenced, it cannot - CANNOT - be reversed.
 
Sadken said:
Right, screw this. I am this --------------> <------------------------ close to setting up Urban Fun Club. Do you know what Urban Fun Club is? Urban Fun Club is a place - it changes every week or remains the same - where likeminded people of urban come together to enjoy some fun together. This "fun" might take the form of going to the cinema to watch a film from Hong Kong with exploding cops in it, or it might take the form of going to see a rapper in a wheelchair. Either way, it will involve fun and it will be fun.

I failed business law yesterday, which means that I have to continue my course to August at least but once I am done if I see any more moping from the likes of you, Marius, or you, Yelkcub, I will initiate fun club. And once a Fun Club Initiation Sequence has been commenced, it cannot - CANNOT - be reversed.
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I may start FunClub before you!:D
 
I'm a lucky newly single bloke. I have good friends who go places with me. I have some new friends who I get to go places with too, people who weren't around when I was in a couple. I also have some really old friends I've reconnected with. I take myself out on my own if I want to see something enough.

I do find the general day-to-day home/head maintenance a chore, and money/work/health problems are a definite negative to handle alone, my friends are very supportive but those are my biggest challenges, my biggest hurdles to just being able to relax and have fun. At least lack of income is what keeps me up at night now.

I'm at that stage now of looking around for things like part time work, groups to join, new (and old) hobbies, things like that.

Seems obvious that to move on you got to move on. I hate the phrase 'move on' though, it's kind of cheap. Two words that reflect huge confusion and massive disruption.

On reflection, I'll be much better off alone than being with somebody who didn't appreciate what I tried to do for her. Whatever I did was never appreciated/enough/sometimes it wasn't even accepted as being an effort, if that makes sense.

I am a little lonely, and would like to find some female company, though I'm lucky to have lots of female companionship, which does make me happy. Having said that, I don't feel like one night stands are right for me, nor do I want to fall into another relationship, so I'm feeling that accepting that this lonely feeling is just a natural state for anybody who is on their own is going to be the right way forward.

There's other things one can do with the energies you end up pumping into a relationship. Things that heal, entertain, stimulate or add to what's good in the world. Acceptance is what I think this is called.

The depression post break-up has been the hardest thing to handle. It has taken far too much time dealing with that. It was a very unexpected event, at least for me - I kind of thought we'd make an effort to patch things up if it ever came to such a point, but that didn't happen. We were married (unconventionally, but I meant it) you see. So that part of things is quite hard. But does get better.

Is this 'embracing singledom'?

There's a world of fun out there to enjoy, once your brain moves away from pining for what's gone and forward into thinking about what YOU want to be doing. Shit, there may even be some one night stands, but failing that there's always bands and booze, shopping, friendship, beautiful people, sometimes sunny skies and places you can go, books to read, things to do you didn't get to do before, And to eat. Also I never ever need to watch fucking Big Brother again, nor do I have to resist the urge to vomit when listening to David Gray.

It's all good. And it will be great one day.

Hope that helps.
 
Yelkcub said:
I may start FunClub before you!:D
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I'm totally down with that. Because of how mental intense my course is I just wouldn't be able to commit to anything but once it's out of the way in August then I suddenly have 7 nights a week to fill up.

If you wish to lead, I shall follow happily.
 
Yelkcub said:
I may start FunClub before you!:D
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Funclub sounds great. Shame that I'm not in London so won't be able to take advantage of it.

I have a single mate in London and we do have the best time when i can manage to make it up to him. Although his sofabed sucks.

Things like this and Offlines make me wish I did live in London but I'm too well set up in Wales. Or that he would move back to Wales.

When i was in London last we were playing pool with this guy who had just come out to the pub on his own. Part of me found it sad, the other part envious that he was comfortable doing this.

Before I sound all doom and gloom though, I am a happy go lucky chap, I'm working out ways to get myself out of the flat and deal with singledom again. I'm too social not too. Its just taking a little bit of time to get it all set up.
 
Re: getting laid.

You have two directions you can take at 35 I reckon (and I'm speaking as a happily coupled up 35).

You can go down the experienced older gent who is emotionally sorted and solvent and have mid-late 20s lasses happy, OR you can play the more baggage but less hang-ups crowd of your peer group and older.

But put it this way - there are a LOT more single women of our age now than if you found yourself in this situation a couple of decades ago.

Have fun!!
 
Marius said:
Funclub sounds great. Shame that I'm not in London so won't be able to take advantage of it.

I have a single mate in London and we do have the best time when i can manage to make it up to him. Although his sofabed sucks.
p.
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See, I've got loads of mates to go out with, I play footy at a club all my mates play for, and most of the people that used to come to my clubnights still try and get me to go to what they are going to.

But they've all met her. I want to go out and not see the gap where she used to be. I want to go to a world where she never was, where everything I did to try and help her never happened.

It sounds terrible, but I want her erased. I tried and tried and failed. So, I want away from that.
 
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