Drummer on the dance floor.

Discussion in 'music, bands, clubs & festies' started by Tory Boy, Dec 10, 2005.

  1. Tory Boy

    Tory Boy (it's called 'irony')

    Dear dance floor drummers,

    You bunch of selfish fucking cunts!!! What kind of fucktard brings a bongo onto the dance floor thinking that they are in anyway contributing to our aural pleasure. In paticular you, the bloke who tried to play almost non stop for the last 3 hours. Only it wasn't non stop was it? It was play some bollocks rythm (and i use the term rythm very loosely) for 10 seconds then stop because your a bit shit, wait ten seconds then start up again and repeat. Non of which was even pretending to be in time with the music. Drummer, you are a social square peg if ever there was one. Some mothers really do 'ave em!

    You are known to me as a phenomonen called 'social betamax' in that you aren't seen around very often but when you are, you're not really very compatible, are you? Is the bongo the 'must have' accessory for the socialy crippled nowadays, is it? Is that why you were there on your own, was it? Did all you digereedoo playing friends have to go bed early so they could get up nice and early in the morning for 'special lessons'?

    I've come to the conclusion that bongos on the dance floor are the musical equivalent of a workmans radio left on at a funeral. They are neither wanted nor appropriate. Mind you, you'd probably take a bongo into the opera, wouldn't you? Why not go the whole hog and take an air horn in to Macbeth or duck call on a guided tour of Belsen?

    Why do we have to put up with you pricks on our dance floors? I presume less fluffy scenes had you're card marked some time ago, didn't they? Infact now I mention it, I've never seen one of you tossers at a D+B night. Infact if you haven't already, then why don't you seen what the south east London grime scene make of your bongos? I'm sure they'd just luurve them.

    You see the DJ's know what they're doing which is why they were booked and paid to be there in the first place and why you were not. You, with all the sublety or a music therapy session for neurotic middleclass housewives, may close your eyes and fantasise that we are all dancing along to your club handed, migraine of a noise if you like but if you take a stroll with your bongo out into the car park and thrash out your percussive spasm there instead you'll notice just how many of us follow you.

    You haven't earned or even influanced the audiance in the slightest other than cultivating an unspoken yet collective sense of pity and frustration and a higher than normal number of embarrased glances between complete strangers. You are just a talentless fucking parasite getting you ego kicks by proxy.

    What? What was that you said? That some people have approached you and said how much they are enjoying your paticular musical strain? They didn't happen to have a bongo on them as well did they? They probably wanted to see if you would be their friend so you could exchange phone numbers and go to the cinema together and see how it feels to be 'normal'. What? They didn't have bongos? Well in that case they were the aggressive looking and very, very mangled ones who had alienated everyone else and who, in a desparate 'e' fueled bout of self consciouness and social paranoia, have let they're loved up side get the better of them and felt the need to make contact with the only person left who will talk to them. YOU. Take it from me, you have no talent whatsoever.

    So just to recap, incase your social reasoning skills have let you down once more, drumming on the dance floor while the DJ is mid flow is at best plain fucking rude and at worst diliberately thoughtless and disruptive. GET IT dance floor drummers? If you are reading this and are STILL at a loss then please, please just fuck off and die...



    Tory Boy
  2. Termite Man

    Termite Man zombie flesh eater

    Do you not like drummers on the dancefloor then :confused:
  3. kakuma

    kakuma Banned Banned

    and yes, i was that drummer.....
  4. Termite Man

    Termite Man zombie flesh eater

    that explains the hatred then :p ;)
  5. Dubversion

    Dubversion Gorn Enforced Holiday

    ditto anyone taking any kind of instrument or juggling-style implement to any event ever.

    fuck OFF.
  6. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Starry Wisdom

    what about air guitar?
  7. kakuma

    kakuma Banned Banned

    get yer didge out man
  8. Termite Man

    Termite Man zombie flesh eater

    unless it's throwing knives to be thrown at the dancfloor drummers and/or jugglers !
  9. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Starry Wisdom

  10. kakuma

    kakuma Banned Banned

    air 303
  11. Pickman's model

    Pickman's model Starry Wisdom

    not a juggling-style implement.
  12. Termite Man

    Termite Man zombie flesh eater

    you could juggle them before you throw them , make the jugglers think your "one of them" before knife inflicted carnage is released :cool:
  13. Tory Boy

    Tory Boy (it's called 'irony')

    It's not all drummers. Just the 99.9% of them that ruin it for the rest. By and large they are shite, almost without exception, and fuck only knows why people bother with digereedoos. Just sounds like a fart...
  14. gentlegreen

    gentlegreen Hand-wringing liberal.

    The most outrageous thing I ever encountered on a dance floor was several crates of beer - though it was way less irritating than blokes with pint glasses of the stuff.
  15. Wolfie

    Wolfie Well-Known Member

    did you register with the express purpose of posting that rant?

    how queer ...
  16. Tory Boy

    Tory Boy (it's called 'irony')

    Nope. I registered with the express purpose of making as many new friends as I can, but then choose Tory Boy as my name and started ranting about drummers without checking to see if there were any drummer types here first...Now I feel...like Ian Beale...

    only on my third or forth post and I've got Mod action already...WIKID :p
  17. miss giggles

    miss giggles an unknown quantity...

    Top post! :D :D
  18. topaz

    topaz Well-Known Member

    as a dj that happened to make me laff anyway - welcome t.b.! :D
  19. pilchardman

    pilchardman Dances With Penguins

  20. silentNate

    silentNate 1.618 xakep

    Top quality rant... Hate drummers like that :mad:

    Don't mind jugglers though [​IMG]
  21. editor

    editor Forked with electrons

    Blimey. What a lot of effort!

    Funny though. :D
  22. sus

    sus Well-Known Member

    nice one - concrete bongo time :D
  23. flappy

    flappy New Member

    I've frequented ther dance floor with a conga or two on a few occasions in the past. I must add, only when I've been asked and I normally decline until they insist I turn up. Yes I'm the 0.01%! :cool:

    I must admit though I havn't done many D&B nights but not because I'm wary of the reaction but because D&B is notoriously all over the place and is fukkin hard to know where the beats going.

    I do understand Tory boys points but its all good fun, three cheers for the good drummers!! :D

    edit, just to add, this is one of flappys mates posting, not flappy :)

    ATOMIC SUPLEX Member Since: 1985 Post Count: 3

    Well I think it's a good start.

    Sadly as I think even going to places that play music that anyone would ever consider taking bongos to is for cunts.
  25. adsr

    adsr Help! Its all a bit pony

    I think jugglers should be excluded from the rant if they have stuff that is on fire.
  26. rich!

    rich! stalin tache

    Like their hair and their shorts?

  27. adsr

    adsr Help! Its all a bit pony

    I was thinking dreadlocks and facial hair

    What more would you want on the dancefloor than a man with a flaming beard. You could roast marshmallows. Although they would taste of hippy.
  28. sam/phallocrat

    sam/phallocrat Denarian + 1 R.I.P.

    Top notch rant (at least for this site) - slightly let down by spelling and the length. 7.5/10 :)

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