claire said:
Ann, interestingly I've just started learning SQL at work with a guy who has really full on Aspergers. I was a little apprehensive, as when he speaks to you he can't look at you, takes sentences very literally (i.e. 'see you later' means exactly that, not I'm just off home) and he picks his nose whilst he's talking (not saying you'd do that). But... turns out he's an excellent teacher. Very logical, doesn't presume I know anything (which I don't), very patient. I think some of these skills come from his Asperger's nature.
Taking this literally is an Aspie trait. I am quite gullible in some respects, if someone is making a joke, winding me up, I can be taken in quite easily, and don't always 'get' it at first. But over the years, because I'm more aware that I'm easily taken in, I'm now more questioning, I'll instinctively want to take it literally, but my 'fuzzy logic' experience over the years has built up to a point where I should stop and actually process it: is it likely that this is meant literally? is it likely that the person is joking? If a person I know to be a bit of a comedian says something along those lines, I'm much more sceptical, but if it's someone I don't know very well, or someone who doesn't have a history of larking around, then I'm more inclined to take things literally.
I don't have any problems with 'see you later', because I've learned it can have dual meanings, but tbh, with Aspies, even though we can be 'programed' or learn such things, it's always better to say exactly what you mean, i.e. Goodnight! See you tomorrow! If that's really what you mean, just to avoid any confusion.
A lot of Aspies have problems with idioms, like if you said something about letting the cat out of the bag, they'd even take that literally, they'd be looking round for the cat and the bag!
I'm not that far along the spectrum.
The logic thing is also an Aspie trait. Aspies tend to be quite logical.
claire said:
I guess you don't have Asperger's very noticably if your colleagues aren't aware of it? This guy there is absolutely no mistaking it, but he's accepted and respected cos he's a fucking ace programmer
They may not be aware that I'm Aspie, but I wouldn't say they're totally unaware. A reason for starting this thread is because some stuff I've said and done in my blunt Aspie way has been taken the wrong way, and I've been told I'm rude, abrupt and abrasive, for pointing some stuff out, so I guess some people have 'noticed', but they're just being judgemental instead of thinking, hey, why would she be rude, surely that wasn't intended? They're just jumping to conclusions and bitching behind my back. Again the irony is delicious -- I'm supposed to be the one with communications problems, but I'm the one who's been trying to address issues head on, whereas they're quite content to avoid stuff and then complain behind my back.
I'm not an outwardly no-mistaking it there's definitely something odd/Aspie about me. I've had years of practice at 'pretending to be "normal"'. I'm pretty okay at eye contact, which is one of the main things that tends to differentiate most other Aspies from NTs. I had eye-contact avoidance beaten out of me as a child. I grew up instinctively avoiding eye-contact but also with a violent father who would say 'look at me when I'm talking to you' and if I didn't, I'd get hit, so I kind of ended up with a bit of a Pavlovian reaction: if people talked to me, I would look them in the eye... for a while, I went the other way, I was so scared of not looking at people, I'd stare too much... I'm pretty much in the middle now, I reckon, but I probably will look elsewhere a bit more than an NT person, although I often make a conscious effort to gain and maintain eye-contact.
Other signs are monotone voice - I don't have that, I don't think I've ever had it tbh, although I can't remember whether or not I did as a child. I've had voice coaching and been trained to vary tone and emphasis and pitch for newsreading though, so I don't have a monotone voice.
I can get into monologues though. Once I'm on a roll, and I have something to say, that's it... I waffle...
BTW, how do you know he's Aspie? Did he tell you or did HR or other colleagues? Have you been given any guidelines as to how to deal with him, or what you can expect to be different about him?
If there's anything you want to know but don't feel comfortable asking him, feel free to ask.
