Chris Martin

[AverageJoe]

Some of their stuff is ok. Some of it is utter shite.

Always preferred Doves to Coldplay though.

I have a soft spot for the Kingdom of Rust album by Doves.

 

[Looby]

What is their music for?

You cant dance to it, you cant riot to it, it doesn't offer hope in despair or transport you to some spiritual/ecstatic state, you surely couldn't have sex to it ....

So just when would coldplay be the right soundtrack for you life?

When your eating quiche? When you're in IKEA? When you're voting for the liberal democrats?

I have one Coldplay track that I sort of like which is Yellow. There is a memory attached to that which is probably why.

I don't hate their music because there's nothing really to hate I just feel meh about it.

I have no idea why I dislike Chris Martin so much but something about him really winds me up. Much like Bono and Gary Fucking Barlow.

I'm sick of obscenely rich celebrities lecturing me on poverty or the environment whilst they swan around on private jets, put their kids in expensive schools and generally do what they fucking like because they're fucking Bono. All the while maintaining the charade of some sort of social conscience.

Sanctimonious cunts.

I'm not sure how much of the above explains it though, he's just irritating and whiny.

He's probably a very nice man.

 

[Looby]

Fat people music.

Fuck off

 

[isvicthere?]

Many, many years ago a colleague of mine was very keen for me to meet his son, who was in a band, Because apparently we had "a lot in common" and would "get on well".

That band was, of course, Coldplay.

The drummer of Coldplay used to play in the same cricket team as my brother-in-law.

Fact.

 

[Geri]

What is their music for?

You cant dance to it, you cant riot to it, it doesn't offer hope in despair or transport you to some spiritual/ecstatic state, you surely couldn't have sex to it ....

So just when would coldplay be the right soundtrack for you life?

When your eating quiche? When you're in IKEA? When you're voting for the liberal democrats?

Yellow is a bit of an anthem for Watford fans. My friend died of prostate cancer and a brain tumour, and a tribute video was made after he died with Yellow as the soundtrack. I can't watch it without crying.

 

[butchersapron]

urgh - girls music.

 

[story]

Fat people music.

Say what?

I mean, what the fuck are you saying here?

You want to rethink this statement? Get back to us once you've had a bit of a think

 

[gabi]

Yeh, cos Chris Martin is fucking HUUUUUUGE. He's a weed like me.

What the hell is fat people music anyway? And seriously. Who gives a flying fuck what size a person is.

 

[weltweit]

I think coldplay is fine, just more music innit, And Martin, good luck to him, hating coldplay is like hating Blunt or U2, they make perfectly acceptable music, live with it!

 

[Nancy_Winks]

I'd be pretty pleased with myself if I'd written that!

 

[gabi]

That's the thing. I know musos who have been struggling away for years who would probably kill to write a Yellow or a Clocks if they were honest with themselves. But they pretty much universally dismiss this guy as a talentless dickhead.

 

[Kaka Tim]

Christ. I hate Coldplay as much ad the next man, but these sneering judgements of people who listen to them are a bit fucked.

Hate the sin, not the sinner

 

[Nancy_Winks]

Hate the sin, not the sinner

I actually like the images of you rioting whilst having sex to some screaming semi dressed nihilistic punk record haha. It's just when doing the washing up it'd do my head in!

 

[Favelado]

Christ. I hate Coldplay as much ad the next man, but these sneering judgements of people who listen to them are a bit fucked.

Let people let off a bit of steam. When it's about people's music taste I think it's harmless enough.

 

[butchersapron]

Let people let off a bit of steam. When it's about people's music taste I think it's harmless enough.

It's never just about the music.

 

[Favelado]

It's never just about the music.

Ah, It's probably not. I'm old, flawed, can't change and I'm looking for an excuse.

 

[andysays]

I quite liked the first two albums, but haven't bothered to listen to any of the others. I quite like 'Fix You' and the one where is he is walking backwards in the video.

I think the reason he is so disliked on here is probably because he is a well meaning liberal son of a vicar type.

I realise you're talking about the type, not the reality, but he is, in fact, the son of a now-retired accountant, for what that's worth.

I seem to remember his dad has some quite intimate connections with the Tory party, though can't find anything to back that up.

For my money, his music and his projected media profile are too bland to inspire anything stronger than "Meh..."

 

[porno thieving gypsy]

I thought the thread would be about the Jamaican singer

 

[Geri]

I realise you're talking about the type, not the reality, but he is, in fact, the son of a now-retired accountant, for what that's worth.

I seem to remember his dad has some quite intimate connections with the Tory party, though can't find anything to back that up.

For my money, his music and his projected media profile are too bland to inspire anything stronger than "Meh..."

I genuinely thought his mum was a vicar, but it appears that she was a music teacher.

 

[Kaka Tim]

I actually like the images of you rioting whilst having sex to some screaming semi dressed nihilistic punk record haha. It's just when doing the washing up it'd do my head in!

Nihilistic Punk is perfect washing up music! Do you not feel anger at the futility of existence when vainly trying to chip encrusted egg residue off a not stick saucepan?
Im not sure if i could combine having sex and rioting with domestic chores though.

 

[Geri]

Katherine Jenkins is far more annoying, anyway.

 

[DotCommunist]

I've long maintained that Parachutes is a decent album- I had it when it was a minor Indie hit, before they got big if you will.

 

[cantsin]

"A Sky Full Of Stars"

'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars
I'm gonna give you my heart
'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars
'Cause you light up the path

I don't care, go on and tear me apart
I don't care if you do, ooh
'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars
I think I saw you

'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars
I wanna die in your arms
'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark
I'm gonna give you my heart

I don't care, go on and tear me apart
I don't care if you do, ooh
'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars
I think I see you
I think I see you

'Cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars
Such a heavenly view
You're such a heavenly view

 

[SpookyFrank]

That's the thing. I know musos who have been struggling away for years who would probably kill to write a Yellow or a Clocks if they were honest with themselves. But they pretty much universally dismiss this guy as a talentless dickhead.

Almost nothing worth listening to after those first two albums though. And the second album is 75% tosh.

All they seem to do these days is plodding keyboard chords. Coldplay's not untalented rhythm section must have gone mad from bordeom.

And it's not about the music anyway, it's just the sheer smugness of the bloke. The complete absence humility or self awareness. The fact everything he says sounds like it was written for him by a columnist at a sunday paper lifestyle magazine.

 

[DotCommunist]

also: writing meaningful things on his hand and becoming one of those cliched american organic fed weirdo celebs complete with wankily named kids

 

[Kaka Tim]

That's the thing. I know musos who have been struggling away for years who would probably kill to write a Yellow or a Clocks if they were honest with themselves. But they pretty much universally dismiss this guy as a talentless dickhead.

Hes extremely talented at writing bland, undemanding, banal, sentimental tunes for rom com soundtracks and waiting-in-a-call-queue music.

 

[SpookyFrank]

'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars
I wanna die in your arms
'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark
I'm gonna give you my heart

Pretty sure that should be "you get lighter the darker it gets", assuming the song is supposed to be in English.

I suppose he uses that clumsy bit of grammar so he could end the line with the word 'dark', which rhymes with 'heart' if you're deaf.

 

[SpookyFrank]

also: writing meaningful things on his hand and becoming one of those cliched american organic fed weirdo celebs complete with wankily named kids

Who in their right minds would take dietary advice from two people who look like they could be snapped in two by a stiff breeze?

 

[savoloysam]

English definition of “pretentious”

pretentious
adjective uk /prɪˈten.ʃəs/ disapproving us

› trying to appear or sound more important or clever than you are, especially in matters of art and literature, Chris Martin.

 

[SpookyFrank]

Listening to 'Clocks' again, there's nothing to it but some bog standard descending arpeggios over a bog standard chord progression. The lyrics are just a random selection of sort-of-rhyming couplets. Not with a gun to my head could I even guess what the song is supposed to be about.

The chorus is two words for fuck's sake. All very well if they're good words, but it's just the start of a sentence that he never finishes.

So yeah, I could've written that to be honest. I have written stuff like that in the past, most of it when I was a teenager and hadn't let learned to play instruments or compose music properly. I binned all of it on the grounds that it was tedious crap.