Can squirrels get addicted to crack?

Discussion in 'Brixton' started by Bob, Oct 3, 2005.

  1. Bob

    Bob Rusesabagina for a nobel

    Now in many ways this thread should be in Suburban, or maybe drugs. But you'll see why it really belongs in Brixton.

    Yesterday I was chatting to one of my neighbours and he pointed out that the reason I had found his screwdriver in our front garden (in central Brixton) was that crack users / dealers sometimes hide bits of their stash in our garden.

    An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds.

    Now I assume that if the squirrel dug up a rock of crack and nibbled it it wouldn't get any effect. But what if it did? And do I face the prospect of dreaded crack squirrels? Turf wars (flower bed wars) between dealers & squirrels? :confused:

    Squirrels have nasty bites so I'm now worried by being done over by a twitchy squirrel.
  2. zenie

    zenie >^^<

    LMAO only in Brixton :D
  3. Ms T

    Ms T Honey-coloured ramparts

    I still don't understand why your neighbour's screwdriver was in your garden? :confused:

    I don't know about squirrels, but I reckon our cats have become addicted to kitty crack (catnip). We got home last night to find they'd found the bag, and ripped it open so it was all over the kitchen. :D
  4. Bob

    Bob Rusesabagina for a nobel

    They'd been using it to either mark where they put something or to dig the crack up with. My neighbour's front garden is fairly full of building rubbish - so they'd probably nicked it from there.
  5. passenger

    passenger up and down...


    i gooogled it :D
  6. fanta

    fanta Banned Banned

    Wow :eek:

    Have you though of writing and suggesting this as a vital research subject to New Scientist?
  7. twistedAM

    twistedAM Left Of The Dial

    It's true. That happened to Cartman's cat in South Park...she invited all the cats round and they were chopping up lines of catnip and snorting it.
  8. lang rabbie

    lang rabbie Je ne regrette les gazebos

    Medical researchers have developed self-medicating cocaine-binging rats*, so I supect a squirrel could become a crackhead.

    But, who cares about the science - just issue a press release to the South London Press, saying how concerned you are about the health of the squirrels. Crime and furry animals - it's bound to make the front page of The SLP. :)

    When the RSPCA get wind of a story that there are crack-crazed squirrels at risk of harm in the area, their vigilante forces will zoom into action.

    The local crack dealers will have to face the daunting prospect of hundreds of middle-aged Home Counties animal-lovers maintaining a twenty-four hour vigil to protect innocent squirrels from the crack menace.

    * Source: I kid you not - Repeated self-administered cocaine "binges" in rats: effects on cocaine intake and withdrawal Psychopharmacology (Berl). 2001 Mar;154(3):292-300.
  9. Bob

    Bob Rusesabagina for a nobel

    :cool: They can clear up my front yard while they're there.

    I did read a history of cocaine recently. Apparently they've given it to chimps too - who have to hit a bar to get their dose of cocaine. The researchers then increase the number of times the chimp has to hit a bar til the point that the chimp gives up. With most drugs they find a number of hits where the chimp can't be bothered anymore. With cocaine the chimps keep on hitting the bar until the researchers stop the experiment - in one case after the chimp has twacked it 13,000 times. :eek:
  10. deese_nuts

    deese_nuts Active Member

  11. guinnessdrinker

    guinnessdrinker political refugee R.I.P.

    :mad: where are the animal rights protesters when we need them?
  12. colacubes

    colacubes Well-Known Member

    Maybe a more important question is though...

    Could we somehow wean the Brixton crack-heads onto nuts? That would be an interesting experiment. :D
  13. Stobart Stopper

    Stobart Stopper Well-Known Member

    It just wouldn't sound right at the copshop:

    "Why did you rob that man of his wallet and mobile phone?"

    "I wanted to buy nuts,officer."

    "Don't bullshit me, son."

    "No, seriously. I needed to sell the phone to buy nuts. I'm an addict."
  14. Red Faction

    Red Faction Allez Les Rouges

    this is one of the reasons i love U75 so
    this thread belongs in the archive!!
  15. Louloubelle

    Louloubelle Well-Known Member

    surely you mean tufty wars?


    *gets coat"
  16. Bob

    Bob Rusesabagina for a nobel

    That's made my morning. :cool: :)
  17. prunus

    prunus Mostly gone

    This is probably the best idea I've heard in ages!!! :D
  18. geminisnake

    geminisnake a complex mass of conflicting ideas

    Tears of laughter rolling down my face :D

    I'm going to pm pogofish a link to this thread, dunno if he'll be able to advise one way or t'other.
  19. pogofish

    pogofish Testicle Hairstyle

    Brilliant thread! :D :D

    There are studies into cocaine/other drugs & the effects on rodents but not specifically squirrells. The picture it conjures is great - squirrells defend their nut stashes with great courage & determination so I'd imagine that a crack-crazed tree-rat would be a formidable opponent indeed.

    Some of the dealers might even try training them to defend their supplies!

    Bringing it to the attention of the animal agencies would probably be the best thing - If only to sit back & watch the moral panic get into high-gear! :)
  20. Skim

    Skim has retired

    :D :D

    What a tragic end for Tufty :(
  21. Louloubelle

    Louloubelle Well-Known Member

  22. trabuquera

    trabuquera Modesty Bag

    wasn't there a spate of squirrel attacks on people... London parks last year or the year before?
    I could have sworn I read about it somewhere - folks just toddling along the pathways and being landed on & clawed up by irate squirrels. Or was it just an urban legend?

    so glad someone else linked to anyway, I too had heard urban legends of squirrels licking out abandoned crack vials and going all antisocial. however it may be bullshit - (sorry for ingcredibly iggnorant drug question but ..) surely you wouldn't be getting any high off EATING crack or crack residue anyway, even if you was a squirrel? don't you have to heat it first to benefit from its wonderful psychological effects?
  23. Blagsta

    Blagsta Minimum cage, maximum cage

    An acquaintance of mine got mugged by squirrels in Springfield Park in Hackney.
  24. PacificOcean

    PacificOcean Unhinged User

    I haven't laughed so hard in ages!
  25. aylee

    aylee In exile in Haringay

    I hereby nominate this thread for Thread Title of the Year 2005. :D :D :D
  26. shakespearegirl

    shakespearegirl just worked out taglines

    A friend of mine in East London had been stashing weed in a pot plant in her back garden. Next morning half of it was missing (it had been in two bags). She was very puzzled and a bit paranoid. A few days later getting up v early in the morning she spotted a fox digging around in the same pot plant. Needless to say she moved her stash although the fox kept making repeat visits for a couple of weeks
  27. trabuquera

    trabuquera Modesty Bag

    sadly an urban legend...

    about the crack-crazed squirrels but they certainly do attack and bite people every so often. They don't have the excuse of drug dependency tho'. but I like the sound of this rodent bandit:

    From The Northern Echo - 27/10/2003 (288 words)
    POLICE have launched a squirrel hunt after an officer was attacked by a furry felon. PC Graeme Whitfield was working on the crime desk at Consett police station, County Durham, when the squirrel burst in and bit him. Someone had left the door of the station open and the grey squirrel saw its chance, ran up the outside of the officer's trouser leg and sunk its teeth into his hand.

    Now police have launched an inquiry and have issued "Wanted" posters in an effort to catch the squirrel. PC Whitfield, 31, said: "I was working when I heard a commotion in the corridor. I looked out and saw a couple of officers who said a squirrel had run into the building. Before I knew it the squirrel had run at me, up my trouser leg and we had a scuffle. It bit my hand, drawing blood, and climbed up the blinds before making off again.

    "It was pretty painful but luckily I had a tetanus jab only a couple of weeks before, so I didn't need another one. The word went around the station like wildfire and the lads in the Intelligence Unit soon made Wanted posters with a picture of a squirrel on it. No arrests have been made but we are on the look-out."

    It is believed the animal was foraging for food when it entered the building.
    Officers at the station are asking colleagues to be vigilant and to pass on any information to divisional wildlife liaison officer, Acting Inspector Eddie Bell.
    He said: "It is unusual for a squirrel to attack someone and I think PC Whitfield has been extremely unlucky.We don't want the public thinking they have to be on their guard due to an outbreak of sudden squirrel violence. This was a one-off. PC Whitfield was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
  28. starryeyedsarah

    starryeyedsarah Banned racist fuckwit Banned

    I don't know about squirrels, but I reckon our cats have become driver addicted to kitty crack (catnip). :) We got home last night to find they'd found the bag, and ripped it open so it was all over the kitchen. :D[/QUOTE]

    ask fat freddy...mrs T , ask don't forget to check yer headphones... ;)
  29. starryeyedsarah

    starryeyedsarah Banned racist fuckwit Banned

    "Aye" :D :D
  30. Chuff

    Chuff Ako mula sa ibang planeta

    this reminds me of Goa'n sussages, famous throughout India, its all the good eating (tourist poo) unfortunately every year when it gets too hot and the season ends loads die from the sudden shoch of their Heroin supply dissapearing. :(

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