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Call Me And Idiot An Say You Told Me So

Yelkcub said:
So when she's passed out on the floor, almost choking on her own vomit and I've had to call and ambulance and spend all night in the hospital with her, she's putting it on?
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What was she doing at your house doing that? :confused:
 
Yelkcub said:
She gets ill, a lot. I've seen her pass out (and properly pass out) from the pain her OTT IBS inflicts. I think she uses that as an excuse for her unreasonableness sometimes, but stress does make it much worse.

Sometimes when I finish with her, she get ill. Genuinely ill - like you can't fake. I feel for her, look after her, and feel sorry for her.

And then it starts again.
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You are not responsible for her. She is not your responsibility. You can care about someone without having to care FOR them. She is using you, manipulating you, and you really, really need to stop. If you keep doing the same thing again and again the same thing is going to keep happening again and again.

Do something different. Stop the cycle. She's not a child, and she will not die if you don't take care of her. For god's sake, STOP IT.
 
Yelkcub said:
So when she's passed out on the floor, almost choking on her own vomit and I've had to call and ambulance and spend all night in the hospital with her, she's putting it on?
Click to expand...

She's not putting it on but you've exceeded your duty of care. Does she not have family? Rational family?
 
Yelkcub said:
She gets ill, a lot. I've seen her pass out (and properly pass out) from the pain her OTT IBS inflicts. I think she uses that as an excuse for her unreasonableness sometimes, but stress does make it much worse.

Sometimes when I finish with her, she get ill. Genuinely ill - like you can't fake. I feel for her, look after her, and feel sorry for her.

And then it starts again.
Click to expand...

Illness serves a purpose. In this case, it serves the purpose of keeping you in her pocket.

Of course it is genuine, and genuinely painful. But she clearly has a vested interest in remaining ill rather than doing something about NOT being ill.

IBS is a fucker to be sure, but it can and does respond to treatment. Problem is, treatment involves dietary changes, commitment to change, desire to change, discipline, etc.

While she's got you on a string she is still invested in being ill. It works for her, so why should she change?

If you're not around, she'll use the same tactic with someone else. Simple.
 
Yelkcub said:
So when she's passed out on the floor, almost choking on her own vomit and I've had to call and ambulance and spend all night in the hospital with her, she's putting it on?
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Nobody is saying she is putting it on...I don't think :hmm: But you feeling guilty and bound to her because you have to look after her is not good times.
Think you need to realise you deserve to be happy mr.
 
missfran said:
You are not responsible for her. She is not your responsibility. You can care about someone without having to care FOR them. She is using you, manipulating you, and you really, really need to stop. If you keep doing the same thing again and again the same thing is going to keep happening again and again.

Do something different. Stop the cycle. She's not a child, and she will not die if you don't take care of her. For god's sake, STOP IT.
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^^^ this, 100%
 
Yelkcub said:
So when she's passed out on the floor, almost choking on her own vomit and I've had to call and ambulance and spend all night in the hospital with her, she's putting it on?
Click to expand...

no, but she could quite easily ingest something that's going to make her ill.
 
story said:
Illness serves a purpose. In this case, it serves the purpose of keeping you in her pocket.

Of course it is genuine, and genuinely painful. But she clearly has a vested interest in remaining ill rather than doing something about NOT being ill.

IBS is a fucker to be sure, but it can and does respond to treatment. Problem is, treatment involves dietary changes, commitment to change, desire to change, discipline, etc.

While she's got you on a string she is still invested in being ill. It works for her, so why should she change?

If you're not around, she'll use the same tactic with someone else. Simple.
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Story appears from the void and speaketh sense as usual :)
 
Yelkcub said:
So when she's passed out on the floor, almost choking on her own vomit and I've had to call and ambulance and spend all night in the hospital with her, she's putting it on?
Click to expand...

She may not be faking it, but you being there isn't helping. And after you'd got her to hospital, then what? Why did you keep caring for her post-crisis?
 
story said:
Illness serves a purpose. In this case, it serves the purpose of keeping you in her pocket.

Of course it is genuine, and genuinely painful. But she clearly has a vested interest in remaining ill rather than doing something about NOT being ill.

IBS is a fucker to be sure, but it can and does respond to treatment. Problem is, treatment involves dietary changes, commitment to change, desire to change, discipline, etc.

While she's got you on a string she is still invested in being ill. It works for her, so why should she change?

If you're not around, she'll use the same tactic with someone else. Simple.
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Nicely put. :cool:

I wonder what exactly you are getting out of this Yelkclub...what's in it for you? I think this is an important question to ask yourself and may help you to understand why you keep going back for more.

Do you enjoy rescuing her?
Do you like/need to feel needed?

Would you not be able to live with yourself and feel like a bad person if you thought of yourself and walked away?
 
cesare said:
What prompted you to start this particular thread? The hospital trip?
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Nah, she's ok right now but I let her back in, she's being an idiot and I know I've made a mistake but that saying fuck off will lead to more drama and no doubt illness.
 
story said:
Illness serves a purpose. In this case, it serves the purpose of keeping you in her pocket.

Of course it is genuine, and genuinely painful. But she clearly has a vested interest in remaining ill rather than doing something about NOT being ill.

IBS is a fucker to be sure, but it can and does respond to treatment. Problem is, treatment involves dietary changes, commitment to change, desire to change, discipline, etc.

While she's got you on a string she is still invested in being ill. It works for her, so why should she change?

If you're not around, she'll use the same tactic with someone else. Simple.
Click to expand...

Wise words, worth listening to.
 
Yelkcub said:
Nah, she's ok right now but I let her back in, she's being an idiot and I know I've made a mistake but that saying fuck off will lead to more drama and no doubt illness.
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So you know what will happen if you decide to think about yourself and not put up with her bad behaviour? But won't do it even if you know you have made a mistake and are unhappy because?:hmm:
 
Yelkcub said:
Nah, she's ok right now but I let her back in, she's being an idiot and I know I've made a mistake but that saying fuck off will lead to more drama and no doubt illness.
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And what, it's not worth the drama? It's better to just go through all this shit AGAIN? That's like saying "I could stop this dog from biting me, but if I do it's just going to bark all night". For god's sake man, STOP DOING THIS.
 
Yelkcub said:
Nah, she's ok right now but I let her back in, she's being an idiot and I know I've made a mistake but that saying fuck off will lead to more drama and no doubt illness.
Click to expand...

Then make yourself absent from her rather than telling her to leave. As soon as she needs some help or support, she'll find someone who will do it for her.

You yourself are dispensable, it is your actions and responses that she wants.

Harsh? But true. How do I know? Because she is not doing anything to nurture you or the relationship. She is not investing in you, she is invested in her own behaviour patterns and the known outcome.
 
cesare said:
What form has her idiocy taken this time?
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An argument over a hotel room would you believe. "If we're (i.e. me) not paying the extra for that room, I'm won't to go!"

I told her when I let back in I couldn't take anymore everyday situations having all the joy sucked out them by her being fussy. It's not like I'm asking to stay in a B and B. It's paying an extra £60 for a kingsize over a double for six hours in room.

I'm far from tight, but I'm 5.11 and twelve and a half stone, she's 5.4 and light, it shoudln't be an issue.
 
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