snadge
metal alchemist
I'm with DC on this, I've had it myself, tried my best but it just get worse.
get out quick.
Breaking Up With Someone Financially Dependent On You
- Thread starter Yelkcub
- Start date
I'm with DC on this, I've had it myself, tried my best but it just get worse.
get out quick.
ShiftyBagLady
Thinks she is a flower to be looked at
what rubbish
he clearly loved/loves this woman and commited to her, enough to live together and to support her when shes having a tough time. Love and commitment doesnt disintegrate just because a relationship ends.
I dont think he is being taken advantage of (unless the woman is putting undue pressure on him to support her, which he has not said she is) and i'm sure his self esteem will benefit a great deal form knowing he did the best thing he could have done to help someone whom he loved.
I have no really constructive advice for you Yelkcub, I've never been in that situation but it's not selfish to acknowledge that at some point the ties that you have, financial and otherwise will be severed and she will have to support herself.
You do need to make sure that you are financially secure, that you have somewhere to live and you can feed yourself etc, thats not selfish it's survival.
If you can talk to her and work out how much she needs, where else she can get support and how much may be able help her you might have a clearer idea of where you stand.
i'd say that you're being kind and honourable but you're under no obligation to. 2-3 months is a reasonable time frame, i think.
Good luck
oh and ((((yelkcub))) cause it must feel really shitty
did you read the OP? He said: "but I need her out of my life asap."
me too....
i guess the lesson here is always be sure you can fend for yourself whether youre single or in a relationship....
the thought that my survival hangs on whether a r'ship works out or not makes me feel panicked and trapped...and im not even in that situation....
gotta look out for #1....
i do agree that hes being thoroughly decent and nice.
JohnnyOrange
All The World...
You have absolutely no idea whatsoever, and have clearly never been in a situation like this. I hope you never are.
In my experience the person isn't using you like a doormat, they just depend on you with no malicious intent. It's easy to want to help them if you're a decent person, but it takes its toll and you have to take the difficult decision of taking control of things by changing them where you probably thought you were in control by being supportive.
ShiftyBagLady
Thinks she is a flower to be looked at
yes of course i read the OP
I did suggest talking to her and setting some sort of a timetable. He does of course have the option of leaving and doing nothing but that is not the course he seems to want to pursue. so what is your point?
cybershot
Well-Known Member
I would say she is suffering from depression rather than stress, just by reading some of this thread. It's difficult for the other person to know how to deal with 'invisible' illnesses, as you can never know what frame of mind the other person is going to be in, and you end up having to thread lightly and you may end up doing something that will trigger something and from there the rest of the day goes downhill for you both, it can even sometimes go on for days, just for saying something tongue in cheek!
Not helped by the fact GPs are generally crap at dealing with this sort of stuff and are just happy to whack you on a bout of anti-depressants.
She probably needs some form of counsiling.
I would assume Yelkclub has sat down and discussed how he feels with her (probably more than once) to even come to this. If not, it's defo worth doing it, she's probably aware she is doing it, but if she feels she is seriously going to lose you over it, she may try much harder to put you under less pressure.
The only problem then is, your both holding back, and not being the person you need to be. Which may make you feel worse. It did me, and in the end I had to break the whole thing off. In a way and in the long run I think it will probably help my ex alot in being a lot more dependant in being able to deal issues which to most general people, are not even an issue. Although she does see a therapist every week.
It' can be really difficult for both people, but like me, it just gets to the point that you feel you don't have a life of your own anymore, then ultimatly you've got to come to a decision.
spanglechick
High Empress of Dressing Up
who has suggested that. its possible to advise the OP to take steps to end his financial support without bitching about his ex or her motives. twat.
Sometimes easier said than done.
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
Yelkcub's issues with this lass go back over loads of threads. I'm sorry that it has come to this, perhaps inevitably, and he must be feeling very sad right now and worried for the future.
He's said some very supportive things amidst what he primarily mentioned about financial support.
On the legal advice/employment/PI side - that sounds "unusual". Best of luck with that.
For the rest, what do you want? Sounds to me as if you'd prefer a financial tie whilst you love her. Keep the home fires burning.
He's said some very supportive things amidst what he primarily mentioned about financial support.
On the legal advice/employment/PI side - that sounds "unusual". Best of luck with that.
For the rest, what do you want? Sounds to me as if you'd prefer a financial tie whilst you love her. Keep the home fires burning.
no offence, but when you did the posts about her temper tantrums, i felt she had to go, asap.
no woman has any right to start shouting at a lad and losing the rag as you described at the time. relationships are about kindness and common sense and temper tantrums are NEVER acceptable in my calm world, and they shouldnt be mistaken for passion EVER.
passionate girls are never about tempers but about kindness and love, and calm love, dont forget that.
i read it before the edit and of course i totally empathise
and youre right it is easier said than done....
i guess when my sorry as hell fuckhead of a 'dad' left my mom (who was totally stepford when she was married to him) ....seeing him leave and her having to get her shit together sharpish (and boy did she ever, my total hero always) made me realize right then and there (at the age of four
) ...that i would never, ever, depend on anyone other than myself at the end of the day to take care of me and mine...she did move on and marry the most wonderful man who was a REAL dad...but she always worked , so i guess it left some sort of impact on her as well (im sure)....
total freedom is being able to live with or without a partner, sort of. i think.
total freedom is being able to live with or without a partner, sort of. i think.
that is a very insightful statement Knut and i agree 100%
temper tantrums are NEVER acceptable mr Yelkclub because there are loads of quality women out there who wont tortute you like this. Temper tantrums are NOT NORMAL and NEVER ACCEPTABLE.
that is your most important lesson from your last relationship.
that is your most important lesson from your last relationship.
i am sure he didnt mean it and got the total wrong end of the stick and was saying whatever he wanted to say in a totally stupid way ms cesare.
You are a top person and no one here wishes you anything other but love and happiness, Johnny Cannuck is a respectful guy and he would have gotten it wrong and definitely *not* meant it that way, i am really positive of that ms.
well thats his karma to deal with
i can only say what i think/feel/know and send it out into the universe innit.
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
You going flying flying flying about love and respect and what people hopefully mean when they're crying about money, financials and stuff. But I tell you that Johnny encouraged people to gang rape me - and you don't believe it or try and down play it. What's that all about? Don't believe me? Want to see the download?
yes i want facts and i seriously doubt that he said that. i am a journalist however so i can read it. what else do you expect ms?
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
well thats his karma to deal with
i can only say what i think/feel/know and send it out into the universe innit.
Yeah, what goes out to the universe is what matters as long as you keep it heartfelt x
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
Do you want a link or the downloaded version?
Treacle Toes
Time
Ces he made a very poor taste analogy because he took offence with the suggestion of him being gang lynched with you being gang raped because he felt you were laughing at him...He was not encouraging anyone to rape you, little solice I know because his spiteful response was nasty all the same.
yes i want proof, because i am 100% sure that he DIDNT mean anything remotely bad against you, JC2 is a really decent moral person and i object to him being branded like this.
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
I never initiated the lynch thing to him but he suggested gang raping me, with 10 U75 people, where the fuck could he come up with that shit
cesare
shady's dreams ♥
yes i want proof, because i am 100% sure that he DIDNT mean anything remotely bad against you, JC2 is a really decent moral person and i object to him being branded like this.
OK
yes i want proof, because i am 100% sure that he DIDNT mean anything remotely bad against you, JC2 is a really decent moral person and i object to him being branded like this.
JC has got himself a useful idiot.
i like ya loads cesare, i have to go to bed now, i like JC2 as well. I hope the hoopla was nothing serious.
god bless to my blessed urbans
my prayers and kisses shall on behalf of you all shall be going out to Lester Bangs, Johnny Cash and the great red dawn of the north.
Xxx, M
