Best swear in a film or tv programme

[Wintermute]

The opening song from the Southpark movie

"Shut your fucking face uncle fucker
You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucker
You're an uncle fucker, yes its true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you"

 

[corporate whore]

Dead Man's Shoes

Local geezer: "What ya looking at mate?"
Paddy C: "YOU YA CUNT!"

 

[Utopia]

David Brent's "Fuck off" to Finchy in The Office at the end of the xmas special!

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

I can't believe nobody's mentioned the bit in Usual Suspects where he says "THere is no FUCKING coke on this ship". Superb

 

[Biffo]

The first swear I thought of when I saw the thread. Clarence Beeks' 'Fuck Owwff' is the most beautiful bit of swearing in cinema, narrowly beating Beeks' other great swear in the same movie of - 'Back off! I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain!'.

class

Nice one

 

[Onket]

Dead Man's Shoes

Local geezer: "What ya looking at mate?"
Paddy C: "YOU YA CUNT!"

This is utter brilliance. Then when he pops up & apologises a few minutes later it just tells you it's all going to go mental. Fucking ace film.

This is a good sample from the incredible PWEI's 'Nightmare at 20,000FT'-

"If I get my hands on the sonofabitch who built that fucking plane I'll rip his Goddam fucking face off"

It's from a film called Jungle Burger, which I bought off ebay on the strength of that sample, and unfortunately is shite. Cracking swearing though!

 

[tim]

In response to someone knocking on a door, by the Alister Campbellish character in "The thick of it"

"Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off"

 

[Nine Bob Note]

Stewie in Family Guy episode The Thin White Line...

"Well, I guess now we know what kind of dog he is. A melan-collie. [laughs by himself]

Nothing? Wait. No. I should've said: "Chi-wah-wah." [laughs by himself again]

I don't have to fucking impress you! [walks off screen]"

 

[Pie 1]

I can't believe nobody's mentioned the bit in Usual Suspects where he says "THere is no FUCKING coke on this ship". Superb

Actually I was thinking of this one - Benicio Del Toro with that accent is a hilarious swearer


Fenster: So who the goddamned piss-hell stole the fuckin' truck?

Other dude: What?

Fenster: Who stole the fuckin' truck?!!

 

[Pingu]

the bit at the end of leon where he notices the grenade and goes "shit"

 

[dirtysanta]

....Or Clarence Boddecker in Robocop:

"Bitches Leave....."

And his brilliant " Just gimme ma fuckin phone call "

 

[dirtysanta]

Pulp Fiction - WHen their cleaning marvins brain off the seat

Vincent - "Im like a race car and you got me in the red. Im ready to blow"
Jules - " Oh. Yo ready to blow? Well I'm a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker ! "

 

[madzone]

Camomile Lawn 1992 Channel 4 when one of the characters (the name escapes me) says to Calypso, 'We all thought what a cunt you were for marrying Hector'

Shocking stuff for tv in 1992

Or possibly when Caractacus Potts says to Truly Scrumptious, 'Get that fucking lollipop outta my face you simpering cunt' in Chitty Chitty Bang bang The Directors Cut.

 

[stevepinker]

Deadwood

AL:I was gentle as I was able, and that’s the last we’ll fucking speak of it, Johnny

Shit pretty much all of deadwood

 

[Juice Terry]

Another classic from Usual Suspects:-

Cop: Number 1, step forward.
Hockney: Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
Cop: Number 2, step forward.
McManus: Give me the fucking keys, you fucking cocksucking motherfucker, aaarrrghh.
Cop: Knock it off. Get back. Number 3, step forward.
Fenster: [laughing] Hand me the keys, you cocksucker.
Cop: In English, please?
Fenster: Excuse me?
Cop: In English.
Fenster: Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?

 

[trabuquera]

Pretty much the entire script of BAD SANTA - a very sweary movie indeed.
""Every year, you're worse. Every year, less reliable. Every year, it's more booze, more bullshit, more buttfucking!"
*shrug* "Yeah, the Three Bs." "



scariest, most venomous swearing surely has to be "Sir" Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast.

Possibly scarier is Kevin Spacey managing to utterly gross out (and psych out) policeman Chazz Palminitieri in Usual Suspects just by describing what happens to him when he dehydrates because of his medical condition... and I don't even think he swears?

 

[elevendayempire]

Actually I was thinking of this one - Benicio Del Toro with that accent is a hilarious swearer


Fenster: So who the goddamned piss-hell stole the fuckin' truck?

Other dude: What?

Fenster: Who stole the fuckin' truck?!!

And, of course...

Cop: Number 1, step forward.
Hockney: Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
Cop: Number 2, step forward.
McManus: Give me the fucking keys, you fucking cocksucking motherfucker, aaarrrghh.
Cop: Knock it off. Get back. Number 3, step forward.
Fenster: [laughing] Hand me the keys, you cocksucker.
Cop: In English, please?
Fenster: Excuse me?
Cop: In English.
Fenster: Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?

SG

 

[Ned Pointsman]

Curb Your Enthusiasm;

"Fuck you, you car wash cunt" - Susie Green.

 

[noodles]

Withnail and I .....

"Monty, you terrible cunt!"

"What fucker said that?"

 

[foamy]

"Now fuck off and die you fucked up slag"

 

[badseed]

Everything that Dennis Hopper says in Blue Velvet.

 

[Johnny Canuck3]

I like the swearing in Heartbreak Ridge, also in a movie with James Woods called The Hard Way.

Best Sopranos swearing: Paulie is explaining about snakes, something like this.

"You know why you call someone you don't trust, a 'snake'? It's because of how snakes are - they've proven that the snake is able to have babies after impregnating itself, and how can you trust an animal that can literally go fuck itself?"

Tony then explains that it's something about Adam and Eve.

 

[Mrs Magpie]

Frankly my dear I don't give a damn

 

[Firky]

You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you are doing it!

 

[Firky]

Actually that has a fuckin' class ending with not a swear word in ear shot, Hamlet IIRC:

"I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame the earth seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy the air, look you, this mighty o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire; why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, how like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust. Man delights not me, no, nor women neither, nor women neither."

 

[Logales]

I'd go for Watership Down when the seagull is stuck in the piece of string and shouts "Piss off" at the rabbits.

Incredibly tame compared to the others in this thread but for a 6 year old watching a cartoon about rabbits, I was

 

[Azrael]

Deadwood again, surely the sweariest show on TV.

This cunt-a-thon from Wild Bill Hickock to Jack McCall, over a poker table, still holds the record:-

Wild Bill: "The only thing standin' in the way of you bein' called a cunt is this poker game ... That hood over your eye looks like the hood of a cunt to me. And when your mouth moves, it looks just like a cunt moving."

The coward McCall: "I don't want a gunfight with you, Wild Bill."

Wild Bill: "No, but you will run your cunt-mouth at me. And I will take your cunt-mouth so I can play poker."

 

[N_igma]

More of an exchange than anything but still hilarious.

Cartman:Hi, don't call me fat you fucking Jew.

Mr Garrison:Eric, did you just say the F word?

Cartman:Jew?

Kyle:No, he's on about fuck, you can't say fuck in school you fucking fat ass!

Mr Garrison:Kyle!

Cartman:Why the fuck not?

Mr Garrison:Eric!

Stan: Dude you just said fuck again

Mr Garrison:Stanley!

Kenny (mumbles):Fuck

Mr Garrison:Kenny!

Cartman:What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody, fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

Mr Garrison:How would you like to go see the school councillor?

Cartman:How would you like to suck my balls!

Mr Garrison:What did you just say?

Cartman:Oh I'm sorry I'm sorry, actually, what I said was, (gets speaker out) HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS MR GARRISON?

Stan:Holy shit dude!

 

[futha]

when david brent tells finchy to fuck off in the office

 

[stavros]

"You dirty fuckin' rotter."

"Darling mother, beloved cunt." (typo in an obituary)