Best Kitchen item for belting a burglar with?

[avu9lives]

fork

 

[northernhord]

Hmm I am getting Déjà Vu...

Perhaps not, this could be any item in the kitchen not just a utensil, innit

 

[WouldBe]

Cheese grater.

 

[moose]

Two Le Creuset lids used like cymbals with his/her head in the middle.

 

[dodgepot]

a roasting tray full of boiling hot fat straight in the face.

 

[scott_forester]

Meat clever

 

[cyberfairy]

a quorn sausage

 

[bi0boy]

one of these might work

 

[rhod]

"Right - you asked for it, sonny Jim..."

 

[ajk]

Is that the spice weasel?

Yep indeedy, just aim for the eyes and let rip.

 

[Herbsman.]

"Right - you asked for it, sonny Jim..."

LOL

 

[rekil]

en garde motherfucker

 

[gentlegreen]

Seriously though ... I've always thought that what one needs is a comedy drop-down lion net or spidey-web.
The military developed squirtable glue as a non-lethal weapon - though it would make a right mess indoors :-

 

[scifisam]

I think I'd for the egg-whisk or icing bag too. I'd advance upon them, bugging my eyes out, saying stuff like 'begone, evil alien! Let the magic whisk of algeron defeat you! Mwahahaha!' and hope that the burglar would assume I was too psycho to fight against, and leg it.

 

[quimcunx]

I think I'd for the egg-whisk or icing bag too. I'd advance upon them, bugging my eyes out, saying stuff like 'begone, evil alien! Let the magic whisk of algeron defeat you! Mwahahaha!' and hope that the burglar would assume I was too psycho to fight against, and leg it.

I'd just shoot him with my gun.

 

[The Boy]

I've got an iron bar next to my bed.

I figure that if they are stupid enough to still break in after they have been given a warning by the dog barking then they are fair game.

Seconded. Have a baseball bat and a stanley knife within easy read of me in my bed (not anyone else, mind - don't wanna get done by me own chib or nothin).

Though tbh, I doubt anyone would keep gonig after my two dogs got started

 

[Pingu]

from the items currently in our kitchen probably a sledge hammer or lump hammer

 

[DotCommunist]

cut his throat with the edge of a broken plate

 

[Badger Kitten]

I don't think you are technically allowed to kill people who you find in your kitchen uninvited.

 

[DotCommunist]

I don't think you are technically allowed to kill people who you find in your kitchen uninvited.

better judged by 12 than carried by six imho.


Plus it's a good excuse for murderating

 

[Roadkill]

Frying pan, preferably whilst still hot.

 

[moomoo]

I don't think you are technically allowed to kill people who you find in your kitchen uninvited.

Damn silly rule that is.

 

[Disaster]

I used to keep a fire poker by the bed.

 

[LilMissHissyFit]

The person most likely to end up stabbed is you.

Doubt it... if I had to close enough that would be the end of them.Id have already waloped them with a baseball bat remember?

 

[skunkboy69]

I can verify that boiling water from a kettle is a GREAT weapon.

 

[seeformiles]

Encona Chilli Sauce - Burn the bastard's eyes out (before hitting him with the toaster).

 

[AnnaKarpik]

We wouldn't have to belt a burglar, just pretend to. Then the Jack Russell would start nipping and gnawing his ankles. Ouch!

 

[oneflewover]

A sneak burglar once stole our infra red grill which had my tea in it. In the next room my wife was watching TOTPs. It would have been too heavy to use as a weapon.