Best football chants

[embree]

Lee Hughes, the well known drink driving killer, used to go out with a stripper. Wolves honoured him with this:

Lee Hughes is a wanker,
He plays for Albion,
His girlfriend is a prostitute,
Who comes from Birmingham,

She dances on the tables,
Her tits and arse on show,
And if you wanna shag her,
It's twenty pence a go.

He wasn't best pleased and ended up getting himself sent off

 

[embree]

Joe Royle, whoever you may be,
You're going down to Division Three,
And you won't win a cup and you won't win a shield,
Your biggest game is Macclesfield!

Gary, whoever you may be,
You've kept Leeds in Division Three,
And you won't win a cup and you won't win a shield,
Your biggest game is Huddersfield!

Both copyright Man United, originally aimed at Man City and updated for Leeds last year

 

[embree]

When I was just a little boy
I asked my mother what shall I be?
Shall I be pompey? Shall I be Saints?
Here's what she said to me
Wash yer mouth out son
Go fetch your fathers gun
And shoot the Pompey scum
And support the Saints
We hate Pompey! We hate Pompey!

Le Tiss, Le Tiss
Matt Matt Le Tiss
He gets the ball, he takes the piss
Matt Matt Le Tiss

 

[internetstalker]

The trees are green
the sky is blue
the river nene runs through you

the market square's made of cobblestone
it shakes the ol' dears to the bone

A finer town you'll never see,
a finer town there'll never be
your city lights don't bother me

Northampton town I'm proud to be

 

[embree]

Southend's special for those tense seaside grudge matches with Blackpool or Brighton:

Oh Southend pier
Is longer than yours
Oh Southend pier is longer than yours!
It's got some shops, and a railway
Oh Southend pier is longer than yours1

 

[zaphod22]

He's here, he's there
we're not allowed to swear
Frank Leboeuf, Frank Leboeuf.

- Chelsea fans to the aforementioned after he had complained about the swearing in the original version.

 

[upsidedownwalrus]

One man went to war, went to war with Millwall, one man and his baseball bat, went to war with mill wall (to tune of one man went to mow)

I sometimes wish millwall were in the prem as it would give the authorities such a headache when we played them!)

 

[embree]

We are Wombles, We are Wombles,
We are Wombles, From the Lane,
We are Wombles, Super Wombles,
We are Wombles, We drink champagne.

We drink Champagne, We snort Cocaine,
We've got ladies, over 'ere,
You've got shit jobs, you shag your dogs,
And your wife is on the game

We drink Campari, We drive Ferraris,
We've got ladies, over 'ere
You drink John Smiths, you're all blacksmiths,
And your toilet's out the rear

We wear Gucci, we wear Armani,
We've got cashmere over here,
You've got shell suits, wellington boots,
And your fashion's soooooo last year.

Tune of 'Sailing'

 

[embree]

Sunderland:

Niall Quinn's disco pants are the best
They go right from his arse to his chest
They are better than Adam and the ants
Niall Quinn's disco pants!

Burnley:

I went to an alehouse I often frequent,
I saw old Jack Walker his money was spent,
He asked me to play,
I answered him nay,
With rubbish like yours I can beat any day.

And its NO NAY NEVER,
NO NAY NEVER no more,
Till we play Bastard Rovers,
NO NEVER no more.

Ewoods now empty, its getting knocked down,
They play their home games on a piece of waste ground,
Jack Walker looks round and says something's not right,
Cause theres far more players than supporters in sight.

And its NO NAY NEVER,
NO NAY NEVER no more,
Till we play bastard rovers,
NO NEVER no more.

Five years have now passed and Burnley rule supreme,
The league and the cup have been won by our team,
The Bastards are bankrupt and long since have died,
And Jack Walker sweeps up down at Burnley's Long Side.

 

[embree]

Bristol Rovers at Forest last season:

You've won the Euro Cup!
We've won the Watney Cup!

La Donna e Mobile again

 

[QueenOfGoths]

A recent one from Mr.QofG's heard at the recent Maidenhead v AFC Dons the other week re: Blue Square South top scorer and Don's striker, Jon Main. The lyrics aren't quite 100% (I don't think it's Cruyff as the third player and there may be a fourth but Zidane and Pele are deffo in there). Shout to the tune of Ting Tings' That's Not My Name:

"They call him Pele
They call him Zi-dane
They call him Cruyff
That's not his name

He's Jonny Main
He's Jonny Main
He's Jonny Main
He's Jonny Main"

 

[Yelkcub]

To the tune of Addams Family:

He tackles and harrasses,
He headers and he passes,
He gets up peoples asses,
He's better than Roy Keane
Gavin McCann...duh duh...Gavin McCann

Dunno what team it was but very amusing

 

[Scutta]

a couple of ones i heard united fans singing about ji sung park, "park,park, wherever you may be, you eat dogs in your own country" z

"..... it could be worse you could be scouse

......eating rats in your council house!!"

to finish the song off..

 

[embree]

Always smile when I remember Barnet's 'Ground control to Frazer Toms'

 

[stavros]

It's absolute genius, but I haven't heard it for ages.

Where did you last hear it?

Not sure, but I have heard it. Might've been at a non-league game, probably Taunton Town.

 

[Voley]

We drink Campari

Only a Womble could think that's classy.

 

[bluestreak]

now i'm not going to nominate this for best, but this was going around when i first started following west ham:

"we are the boys from london town
and you'll never get a better bit of willy up yer gown
so if you're gonna give us head you'd better take it all down
or we'll spread it on yer tits in the morning"

classy.

 

[aylee]

Burnley:

I went to an alehouse I often frequent,
I saw old Jack Walker his money was spent,
He asked me to play,
I answered him nay,
With rubbish like yours I can beat any day.

And its NO NAY NEVER,
NO NAY NEVER no more,
Till we play Bastard Rovers,
NO NEVER no more.

Ewoods now empty, its getting knocked down,
They play their home games on a piece of waste ground,
Jack Walker looks round and says something's not right,
Cause theres far more players than supporters in sight.

And its NO NAY NEVER,
NO NAY NEVER no more,
Till we play bastard rovers,
NO NEVER no more.

Five years have now passed and Burnley rule supreme,
The league and the cup have been won by our team,
The Bastards are bankrupt and long since have died,
And Jack Walker sweeps up down at Burnley's Long Side.

Very, very good.

 

[Deareg]

"..... it could be worse you could be scouse

......eating rats in your council house!!"

to finish the song off..

thanks

 

[oneflewover]

No silverware
We don't care
Follow Hull City Everywhere

Fuck all
we've never won fuck all

Don't wanna go home
Don't wanna go home home home
Cos this is the best trip
we've ever been on
(sloop john B?)

 

[oneflewover]

To Pulps Common people

About Terry Dolan

He came from Rochdale with a lack of knowledge
He studied management at Bradford college
That’s where I
Caught his eye
He told me he was a manager

I said “in that case you’d better come and manage us”
He said “fine”
And then in three seasons time, he said

“I wanna take you to the Vauxhall Conference
I wanna do whatever Halifax Town do
I wanna sign lots of crap old players
I wanna watch the club slide out of view
And hoof and hoof and hoof
Cos there’s nothing else to dooo…”

 

[rapattaque]

The Superbock numbers at Euro 2004 were good.

'Superbock,
Superstar,
gets you more pissed than Stella Artois'

and

'He scores with his feet,
he scores with his cock,
Wayne Rooney drinks the Super Bock'

 

[Artie Fufkin]

We are the boys in blue and white,
We love to sing and we love to fight,
So lets sing.

Oldham

 

[Private Storm]

No silverware
We don't care
Follow Hull City Everywhere

Fuck all
we've never won fuck all

Don't wanna go home
Don't wanna go home home home
Cos this is the best trip
we've ever been on
(sloop john B?)

At the Fulham game last night, the "Neutrals, neutrals give us a song" amused me a lot.

 

[3_D]

The chants were best in the 70s:

All great songs as you say, but totally generic. In 2009 (as in 1979 - and probably 1969) most of these are heard on the East End at Bristol City every week (with appropriate amendments, obviously).

 

[oneflewover]

At the Fulham game last night, the "Neutrals, neutrals give us a song" amused me a lot.

Of course the only ground it can be sang at

 

[aqua]

"Are you Grimsby, are you Grimsby, are you Grimsby in disguise?"

Hull City vs Newcastle in the FA Cup a few years ago.

also this year premiership season

e2a that'll teach me to post before reading the whole thread

 

[chieftain]

From Spurs Against Boro on Wednesday night: "Four nil and a long way home!" repeat...

 

[grogwilton]

Two of my favourites from Reading:

"John Madejskis magic, he wears a magic hat, he drives a great big Bentley, and he's shagging cilla black"

on their way to a reading game:

"Wally Downes is magic, he wears a magic, hat and when he saw Neil Warnock, he hit the fucking twat"

on his way to hit Warnock:

 

[Maggot]

"what's that coming over the hill?

it's michael chopra, it's michael chopra"

I've heard:

"What's that coming over the hill?
Is it Chimbonda, is it Chimbondaaaaaa"

Which scans better.