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Ask urban75's resident wanker in the black...

1. Do you ref in Nth Hillingdon or Sportsmans leagues at all out of interest?

2. Having not played for 3/4 years or so i was wondering if the new `interpretation` of the offside rule was applied strictly by refs in Sat/Sun leagues. Surely thats just asking for a massive ruck, mainly invloving the dodgy cunt who is running the line. Did it cause mayhem?

3. For fucks sake wowbagger come on i didnt fucking touch him i got the fucking ball what are you doing, come on, for fucks sake, fucking hell, it wasnt even there look it was there, fucking moving ball ref, come on get a fucking grip. fucks sake. jesus.
 
adzp said:
1. Do you ref in Nth Hillingdon or Sportsmans leagues at all out of interest?
Click to expand...

No.


2. Having not played for 3/4 years or so i was wondering if the new `interpretation` of the offside rule was applied strictly by refs in Sat/Sun leagues. Surely thats just asking for a massive ruck, mainly invloving the dodgy cunt who is running the line. Did it cause mayhem?
Click to expand...

If we're using club linesmen, often the competition rules actively prohibit them being allowed to judge offside, only ball in/out of play. Otherwise, and if you think they can be trusted, you ask them to give you a flag if there's someone standing offside and then you judge whether they should be pinged or not.


3. For fucks sake wowbagger come on i didnt fucking touch him i got the fucking ball what are you doing, come on, for fucks sake, fucking hell, it wasnt even there look it was there, fucking moving ball ref, come on get a fucking grip. fucks sake. jesus.
Click to expand...

*imperceptibly slight sigh, reaches into top pocket behind badge for book* Okay, let's have your name please.
 
WHATS THIS FOR!!?? fucking hell, jesus look thats going to cost me £6, fuck me, i didnt fucking touch him, jesus, fuck, jesus...<turns to oppo player on ground> fucking little girl <scuffle>
 
*backs off whistling, takes number and colour of players who started it and anyone running 30 yards to get involved*
 
Wowbagger said:
*backs off whistling, takes number and colour of players who started it and anyone running 30 yards to get involved*
Click to expand...

isn't that a bit racist.... :p :p

surely the name would suffice..... :D
 
when Rooney's boot came off the other night, Portugal where given a foul

Is there a rule about playing on with one boot or was it a cock up ?

Ta
 
Re: boots.

Law 4 - Players' Equipment:

Safety
A player must not use equipment or wear anything which is dangerous to himself or another player (including any kind of jewellery).
Basic Equipment
The basic compulsory equipment of a player is:

* a jersey or shirt
* shorts - if thermal undershorts are worn, they are of the same main colour as the shorts
* stockings
* shinguards
* footwear

Shinguards

* are covered entirely by the stockings
* are made of a suitable material (rubber, plastic, or similar substances)
* provide a reasonable degree of protection

Goalkeepers

* each goalkeeper wears colours which distinguish him from the other players, the referee and the assistant referees

Infringements/Sanctions
For any infringement of this Law:

* play need not be stopped
* the player at fault is instructed by the referee to leave the field of play to correct his equipment
* the player leaves the field of play when the ball next ceases to be in play, unless he has already corrected his equipment
* any player required to leave the field of play to correct his equipment does not re-enter without the referee's permission
* the referee checks that the player's equipment is correct before allowing him to re-enter the field of play
* the player is only allowed to re-enter the field of play when the ball is out of play
* A player who has been required to leave the field of play because of an infringement of this Law and who enters (or re-enters) the field of play without the referee's permission is cautioned and shown the yellow card.
Click to expand...

The important bits there would be in that second list. It is not an offence if a player loses his boot and carries on playing: he should correct it as soon as is reasonable.

And the only restriction on footwear is that it must be safe.
 
Corax said:
Where do babies come from?
Click to expand...

Well, Corax, when a daddy referee goes for a night out and gets pissed, sometimes his old chap needs somewhere to be stored for the night. So he finds the first available woman and shags her silly, and then fucks off again (if she makes a fuss, she is cautioned for dissent and shown the yellow card). And eventually the woman gets pregnant and has her baby, who she raises on her own and who, frustrated with his lot and being bullied at school, takes up refereeing in a desperate hunt for some power over someone. Therefore, we really are all complete and total bastards.
 
ernestolynch said:
Can a player play barefooted then?
Click to expand...

No, players must have some sort of footwear (even if it is flip-flops or wellies). In fact, India lost the chance to qualify for the 1970 World Cup because they insisted on playing barefoot and FIFA told them to get stuffed.
 
J77 said:
If the ref wears green, can the players wear black?
Click to expand...

Competition rules here. Most competitions still have a rule that says "No team shall wear black or very dark shirts". The top leagues don't, and so if one side wants to play in black, the officials will change.

I don't agree with this. I think that black with white collar, cuffs and sock tops is easily the best colour for officials and should be reserved for us. As Pierluigi Collina said in his book, it gives the referee an air of both sobriety and style. Teams managed well enough in the past not wearing black and can do so again.
 
OK so in a few years time you write a book in which you name your favourite player.
Would you feel morally obliged not to referee games involving that player or would you just be a money-obsessed cunt like Collina?
 
Are there any rules on the grounds of taste?

The shirt colour got me thinking, what if the BNP wanted to play in full SS Regalia or something? Or if FCUK started doing kit?
 
Corax said:
Are there any rules on the grounds of taste?

The shirt colour got me thinking, what if the BNP wanted to play in full SS Regalia or something? Or if FCUK started doing kit?
Click to expand...

There's nothing in the LOAF about it. It would be a matter for the County FA, or probably for The FA.
 
is it theoretically possible to restart from a kickoff by hoofing the ball upfield, or must you pass back or level to a man on your own side?
 
Red Jezza said:
is it theoretically possible to restart from a kickoff by hoofing the ball upfield, or must you pass back or level to a man on your own side?
Click to expand...

Fun fact. At the kick-off, the ball *must* be kicked forwards and move. Yes, forwards. Not backwards or sideways, forwards.

From Law 8 - The Start of Play:

Procedure:

# all players are in their own half of the field
# the opponents of the team taking the kick-off are at least 9.15 m (10 yds) from the ball until it is in play
# the ball is stationary on the centre mark
# the referee gives a signal
# the ball is in play when it is kicked and moves forward
# the kicker does not touch the ball a second time until it has touched another player
# After a team scores a goal, the kick-off is taken by the other team.
Click to expand...
 
Am I right in thinking that 'move' means a full balls width or circumference (I can't remember which) - not just 'move slightly'.
 
flimsier said:
Am I right in thinking that 'move' means a full balls width or circumference (I can't remember which) - not just 'move slightly'.
Click to expand...

No, you're not. The phrase used to be "moves the distance of its circumference", but that was removed and replaced with simply "moves" a few years ago because some people weren't bothering to watch the ball and check the exact distance it moved (and it is a really nasty fiddly little distance to check on) and when the others did and tried to pull things back because the ball didn't move far enough, it just created resentment towards the ref for being overly pedantic.
 
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