Another Huge Row....

[Yelkcub]

I'm off on a stag do to Miami tomorrow, hence the case. She through a wobbly last time I went away, even thought I offered to cancel and take her somewhere instead. She couldn't get the time off work.

I took her skiing at Christmas and to Paris for Valentine's day and away to a really nice spa hotel a couple of weeks ago, so it's not like we don't go away together.

 

[Yelkcub]

Find help? I don't want to pry but I assume from that she has issues that you're already aware of... surely that might explain the suitcase thing, and others?

Butterfly child said earlier on about not being able to rescue people which I reckon is essentially true. You can support them while they help themselves but if they're stuck in a place and not willing or ready to do anything to help themselves it can become frustrating, more so if you deeply care about that person. It can lead to resentment from both sides. Does that seem familiar?

On the nose, I'd say.

As above I guess I know the answers, I'm just letting off some steam.

 

[softybabe]

....apparently it's completely unhygenic to put a suitcase on the bed to pack it.

i wont condone it...i wont even have it in my bedroom in the first place...i sleep in the bed darn it! dont know where the suitcase has been...yuk yuk yuk

 

[moomoo]

I'm off on a stag do to Miami tomorrow, hence the case. She through a wobbly last time I went away, even thought I offered to cancel and take her somewhere instead. She couldn't get the time off work.

There's your answer....................

 

[harpo]

My sister would have a fit at suitcases being on the bed but she also has fits at using the wiping cloth to wipe things if she's just bleached it. Work that out cos I can't.

 

[Agent Sparrow]

Wow, I really can't believe there are people suggesting the relationship might not have legs because of this argument. Granted the friends comment is a bit shit, but lets face it, none of us are perfect in relationships and to suggest that all couples in which spiteful comments are made in the heat of an argument should split up is a bit OTT!

Besides, there's obviously more context to it...

I'm off on a stag do to Miami tomorrow, hence the case. She through a wobbly last time I went away, even thought I offered to cancel and take her somewhere instead. She couldn't get the time off work.

I took her skiing at Christmas and to Paris for Valentine's day and away to a really nice spa hotel a couple of weeks ago, so it's not like we don't go away together.

So, one theory is abandonment issues, although there can of course be many other reasons for the reaction, which taking someone away on your own holidays won't touch upon. Sometimes it's easier to argue than to have a conversation about missing your partner and wanting to feel missed (and fearing you won't be), which makes you feel vulnerable. Why not ask her what's wrong when you're both calmer?

 

[trashpony]

Wow, I really can't believe there are people suggesting the relationship might not have legs because of this argument.

Besides, there's obviously more context to it...

I suspect that those people who are saying that are very aware of the context. This isn't the first time yelkcub has posted about his gf

 

[Agent Sparrow]

I suspect that those people who are saying that are very aware of the context. This isn't the first time yelkcub has posted about his gf

Ah, OK. So she's done worse than this in the past?

 

[trashpony]

Ah, OK. So she's done worse than this in the past?

She is not entirely reasonable from his posts. He's mentioned the wobbly she threw last time he went away. That was quite bad iirc

 

[Agent Sparrow]

She is not entirely reasonable from his posts. He's mentioned the wobbly she threw last time he went away. That was quite bad iirc

But who is entirely reasonable? And who is perfect in a relationship? Some people might not be explosive but might be imperfect in other ways. Obviously there are lines we all draw about what level of unreasonableness in a partner and when those are met, we withdraw from the relationship. But expecting someone never to be unreasonable (or not to be perfect in other ways) is setting someone up to fail.

I dunno, haven't seen all these other posts, but from this thread, it could just be someone who is going ot miss their partner but doesn't know exactly know how to say it. It's certainly not ideal behaviour, but it's also not the worst crime you can commit, IMO.

 

[trashpony]

But who is entirely reasonable? And who is perfect in a relationship? Some people might not be explosive but might be imperfect in other ways. Obviously there are lines we all draw about what level of unreasonableness in a partner and when those are met, we withdraw from the relationship. But expecting someone never to be unreasonable (or not to be perfect in other ways) is setting someone up to fail.

I dunno, haven't seen all these other posts, but from this thread, it could just be someone who is going ot miss their partner but doesn't know exactly know how to say it. It's certainly not ideal behaviour, but it's also not the worst crime you can commit, IMO.

Oh yes, I agree with all of that. And I am not one of the people who said this should signify the end of the relationship (in fact I confessed that I don't put bags on my bed ). In fact I don't know why I'm posting because I can't remember exactly what's happened in the past and I should just let the people who are spouting doom and gloom to speak for themselves

I'll shut up now

 

[Agent Sparrow]

Oh yes, I agree with all of that. And I am not one of the people who said this should signify the end of the relationship (in fact I confessed that I don't put bags on my bed ). In fact I don't know why I'm posting because I can't remember exactly what's happened in the past and I should just let the people who are spouting doom and gloom to speak for themselves

I'll shut up now

I should do!

On the surface I sympathise a bit with the gf as I also have a tendency to be a bit explosive and irrational at times. And if someone suggested I should be dumped as a result, I'd be pretty fucked off! On the other hand, I can apologise, analyse my thoughts and talk them through calmly afterwards, which of course are quite big factors, and I don't have a clue to what yelkcub's post argument routines are. I hope that they can both find resolution afterwards. I can understand the strain on yelkcub if he feels that they don't.

But basically, we are all imperfect, I guess the whole point of a relationship is seeing whether you can live with your partners imperfections and whether their good stuff outweighs the bad stuff.