Am I being bullied or should I just suck it up?

Discussion in 'education & employment' started by miniGMgoit, Jun 26, 2014.

  1. miniGMgoit

    miniGMgoit OverWeightUnderAchiever

    So there's this nurse at work, shes a casual so thankfully I don't have to deal with her often but when ever I do she's always an utter cunt to me and me alone. She will pick through my work, point out things I've done wrong or not done and so on. Last night I handed over and left after the usual interrogation. Her favorite thing to do is wave her hand dismissively and say "never mind, I'll work it out" insinuating that I've left a mess. She never does it to the people I'm working with, just to me.

    About 40 minutes later she calls me up to tell me that I have a. given someone too much dexamethasone and b. charted their drugs wrong. She then gleefully informs me that she has informed the ANUM (manager) and will be filling out an incident report documenting my mistakes.

    I've looked up dosing information regarding cerebral swelling and I gave the correct dose, the dose that was ordered by the doctor. The doctor charted the IV antibiotics incorrectly. Only the first dose was given and the doctor didn't chart the dose incorrect, just the amount of times it is to be given. This is clearly not my fault either although if I were perfect I would have picked up on this but I'm not so there you go.

    My moan is that there is now an incident report floating around that I know will not be investigated properly stating that all this is my fault when in actual fact none of it is. It pisses me of that she is such a cunt to me and only me. She has been from day 1. I have no idea what I have done to provoke this response from her but she really does hate my guts.

    I don't know what to do about it to be honest. A friend (actually an old nursing lecturer from when I was at uni) has suggested I both speak to the manager about her and also speak with the union. It all seems a bit OTT but at the same time I do need to protect myself. At a bit of a loose end to be honest.
    Greebo, Idris2002 and dylanredefined like this.
  2. miniGMgoit

    miniGMgoit OverWeightUnderAchiever

    And also I feel it was a bit invasive to phone me at home, late at night.
    Blagsta, J Ed, muscovyduck and 2 others like this.
  3. 8ball

    8ball Up to something

    I think your friend has given you some good advice.
    Mation, Shirl, Sweet FA and 25 others like this.
  4. gabi

    gabi Banned Banned

    Go to HR. I've had to do that twice in my current job after being bullied by my boss. She backs off for a month or so, whether that's coz she's been spoken to by them or just because I tell her I've reported her I don't know.

    It's not ideal. And something I've never had to do in my career before but it seems to work.
    muscovyduck and Greebo like this.
  5. miniGMgoit

    miniGMgoit OverWeightUnderAchiever

    It weird, I feel like if I go speak to someone she's got to me.
    Saying that I think I will have a word with our manager today. I'll go down the route that "this has happened and I don't know what to do about it, what do you think?"
  6. Miss Caphat

    Miss Caphat I want it that way

    that sounds like an excellent way to deal with it. don't sound defensive. stay calm and keep it short and just say "I don't feel that I have made this mistake(s)" and if your manager asks you to elaborate you can give her more details at that point. You'll end up coming across the better, less of a pain-in-the-ass employee.
    Also it's good practice to prove yourself as the kind of employee who is able to admit when they've made a mistake or recognizes areas that need improvement so that when complaints are made against you you can just go "hmm, that's odd. I don't feel that's what happened" or "ok, I will work on that in the future" as the case may be.

    I'm not saying you don't do that in any way, by the way! I just mean I personally try to do this and it's been a good tactic professionally ime.
    Greebo and bubblesmcgrath like this.
  7. Miss Caphat

    Miss Caphat I want it that way

    also, from your posts it sounds like your job is quite stressful and challenging and I can see why it would be disheartening to have someone out to get you like that!

    Greebo likes this.
  8. miniGMgoit

    miniGMgoit OverWeightUnderAchiever

    Ok, gave the Union a call, they were very sympathetic and had great information on where to go from here.
    They said to firstly wait and see what the outcome of the riskman is. To not approach the manager regarding the problem I have with this other nurse until that has been completed. If the riskman comes back as I've done nothing wrong I can go down the route that I'm being bullied and that she has a perception that I'm not capable of completing my job. As I know I've not done anything wrong that will be what I'm going to do.
  9. bubblesmcgrath

    bubblesmcgrath Well-Known Member

    Document everything this person has done and said to you that has made you feel this way. You are definitely being bullied and your work is being undermined. Can you ask to work with someone else? The reason I ask is that once the union starts to investigate and this gets going, it wont be comfortable or easy. Bullying is awful and the reality is that people fight a bullying accusation and it can become dirty and very stressful. Try to remember and document dates and times when she has behaved this way to you. Also, if possible make sure you're never alone with her again as she'll be less likely to bully if there's a witness. On the off chance she does do this in front of someone ask her to repeat what she said and verify what she said (in front of her) with the witness. Start taking out a note pad and write down word for word what she says to you front of her...ask her to repeat it back to her and ask if this is correct. If she questions why you're writing tell her you want to be 100% clear on every word she is saying because she's implying that you have been xyz and done xyz incorrectly... She'll shut her gob soon enough.
  10. bubblesmcgrath

    bubblesmcgrath Well-Known Member

    Ps. Get tough as nails and send copies of every document you write to the union and do let your immediate boss know what's going on. And if needs be get the union to deal with HR.

    Word of warning. ... if you are both in the same union they'll be watching her back too. Just remember that.

    And also....if you feel that the whole thing starts to get worse or your stress levels start to go off the radar go to your doctor and take some sick leave....and tell your doctor what's going on and how stressed you are at work.

    Keep talking but most of all keep documenting events and referring them to the union.
    You could also get some independent advice privately from a solicitor. ....leak that bit of info at work to someone who you can't trust to keep it a secret..... the union may not be happy but it'll keep them on their toes and your bully biddy will get wind of it and shit herself. If she has ANY cop on she'll sort her attitude out towards you :)
  11. RedDragon

    RedDragon "I am not one of your fans!"

    I'd be inclined to keep a diary and wait until she over steps the mark - bullies just can't help themselves, give her enough rope.
  12. farmerbarleymow

    farmerbarleymow Sweetcorn, Seagulls and Wasps are Brilliant!

    All good advice above. I'd also suggest writing to her directly, copying the management in, telling her to desist from ringing you at home at night.
    fogbat and Greebo like this.
  13. dessiato

    dessiato Looking for my shopping trolley

    I think you should do as your friend suggests. At the moment you seem to be coping with it in a "maybe I'm a bit paranoid" way. But, IMO you aren't, and you need to set in motion systems to protect yourself from this unacceptable behaviour. Especially tell her not to call you at home except in the most extreme circumstances.
  14. friedaweed

    friedaweed Sitting down for a wee

    Definitely keep a diary with dates and times of all communications with said power tripper. :rolleyes: I hate people like this:facepalm:

    Keep yer chin up miniG:thumbs:
  15. Idris2002

    Idris2002 the liberation forces make movies of their own

    So much this. The invasive late night phone call is a major red flag, I'd say.
  16. Sirena

    Sirena Don't monkey with the buzzsaw

    Why don't you have it out with her? You're a human, she's a human....:confused:
  17. miniGMgoit

    miniGMgoit OverWeightUnderAchiever

    Thanks folks

    To be honest its really got to me. I've got enough stress going on at the moment what with other things that this has utterly ruined me. Burst into tears while cooking spaghetti this afternoon :facepalm:
    I figure my stress levels are sitting at 9/10 all the time at best. The smallest thing can push me over the edge now. I've got to mind that and remember to take take some breaths and count to 10 before saying anything. I'm concerned that I've unknowingly slipped into a pretty heavy depressive state. As some of you know my life is pretty shit at the moment. I'm having some very dark thoughts.
  18. 8ball

    8ball Up to something

    Have you seen a Doc about the depression?
    farmerbarleymow and Greebo like this.
  19. Manter

    Manter Lunch Mob

    miniGMgoit some great advice above. Nothing to add really, just supportive hug. I'm sorry it's so tough x
  20. weltweit

    weltweit Well-Known Member

    I had a director being very overly aggressive with me in review meetings, seemingly quite out of character. A day or two after one of these gatherings I had a quiet word with them by the coffee machine explaining that I didn't like it, that it was not like him and that we were all on the same team with the same objectives. It seemed to have a positive effect because he was much calmer with me after that. I can't guarantee having a quiet word will always work though.
    muscovyduck and Greebo like this.
  21. 8ball

    8ball Up to something

    That sounds like a case of someone playing up to how they thought they were meant to act, and then possibly being quite relieved when you let them off the hook (had probably been on a course - I can always tell when someone has been on a course).

    MiniGM has said nothing about his colleague's behaviour being out of character, so I don't think it's likely to be a comparable case.
    Greebo and muscovyduck like this.
  22. weltweit

    weltweit Well-Known Member

    They were frustrated that "we" were not making better progress, as was I, but there was no faulting my level of effort or the actual work I was doing.
    Yes that is probably a good point.
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  23. fucthest8

    fucthest8 The rucksack of bollocks that is work.

    Yeah, I'm with Idris on this one, this particularly is bullshit of the highest order. Apart from that, another vote for pretty much all the advice you've been given above! Document everything, draw management's attention to the home phone call, clearly made in order to gloat. Out of order.
  24. ViolentPanda

    ViolentPanda Hardly getting over it.

    I'd suggest that she's become a bullying cunt because she's done this shit before and got away with it, relying on people not wanting to make a formal complaint, so getting onto your boss is wise, as is presenting your side of the story.
  25. astral

    astral author unknown

    How does the colleague in question have access to your home phone number? Is it a job requirement that you hand it over, or did she look it up through phone listings?

    Either way, calling you at home, late at night is massively out of order. That is what I would personally being reporting at the moment. Once the complaint about medication is investigated and found to be BS then you can complain about the rest of her attitude.

    Calling someone at home to gloat that they've done something wrong is harassment and should be treated as such. If you had not updated your notes, I could perhaps understand the call but that is clearly not the case here. I'm sorry that things are so bad at the minute miniGMgoit it's clearly a really hard time for you and that is affecting your ability to look at this situation logically and realise that this person is a dick who is MASSIVELY out of order.
  26. ViolentPanda

    ViolentPanda Hardly getting over it.

    The problem with that, within a work environment, is that it can be misrepresented as something entirely different to what it actually is, if the person happens to be vindictive.
    Do everything under the oversight of HR and the union, and that can't happen.

    You bloody hippy! :facepalm: :p
    harpo, Greebo and 8ball like this.
  27. miniGMgoit

    miniGMgoit OverWeightUnderAchiever

    I don't fancy the options they have on offer
  28. twentythreedom

    twentythreedom Seagulls are cunts

    All good advice already - nothing to add other than best wishes and strength to you miniGMgoit :)
    Enviro and Greebo like this.
  29. 8ball

    8ball Up to something

    Is that based on seeing them previously or a bad experience on a particular antidepressant?

    I had a major slump last week which I'm beginning to claw myself out of now and I can identify with how far you can slip down the hole 'unknowingly'.

    Is there someone else IRL you can talk to? I found talking about some stuff really helpful even though it didn't really feel like it at the time. It's kind of like just having permission to not be ok can help a lot.
    Greebo likes this.
  30. Sirena

    Sirena Don't monkey with the buzzsaw

    I know and I'll never recover now...:(

    I think, sometimes, the easy way is the easy way. I know it's controversial and all.... :)

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