Advertising cliches that piss you off

[laptop]

"Reduces the appearance of ageing" = makes your face swell

All other content-free cosmetic claims that play on insecurity

And "5% pure lard" seconded

 

[ChrisFilter]

adverts for shavers - they're all macho men with fast cars and jet planes and glamourous laydeez hanging off of them.

it's just so far removed from my experience of standing in front of the mirror scraping hair off my chin...

gutted.. i get models and fly-bys every morning

tesco's own by the way.

 

[Idaho]

And why do adverts never use the word advert? 99% of all people in this country call an advert and advert - we do not call them commercials and we don't abbreiviate them to the chirpy, familiar 'ads'.

How about adverts which make out that buy buying a certain product we are getting one up on a clumsy stick in the mud who by not buying cough sweets dooms himself to getting soaked by a passing bus driving through puddle.

File Not Found. You are a bitter, angry person. I like it

 

[i_hate_beckham]

gutted.. i get models and fly-bys every morning

Thats just before you wake up though.

 

[i_hate_beckham]

"You're wearing a bikini during your period? What about bloating?"

How in that is holy do they know she is on her period with out her tampon string hanging out or a visible sanitary panty line?

 

[tobyjug]

The advertisments that piss me off the ones that are work of art advertising crap.

 

[Termite Man]

I really hate adverts that don't actually advertise anything ( like the hp ones ) . Whats the fucking point

 

[Firky]

Of course all advertising is irritating...

However car adverts where they drive around fantasy landscapes - pinball machines, giant kitchens, mythical plateaus. So ridiculously removed from sitting in traffic on the way back from the out of town comet on a sunday afternoon.

See.... move up North, far less traffic and no giant kitchens!

 

[Snorkelboy]

"Natural Goodness"

 

[Bedonteau]

Them Michael Winner ads really irritate my bosoms. "Calm down dear, it's a commericial". Moyles should hang for "ironically" promoting this cack.

 

[kyser_soze]

I really hate adverts that don't actually advertise anything ( like the hp ones ) . Whats the fucking point

Well...ermmm...they're advertising HP as a corporation?

These ads are called 'corporate message' and aren't actually selling anything, just giving out the message that, hey, HP technology is used to help design guitars, make movies etc etc... They are mainly used to keep the brand in front of mind and because it keeps City inevestors happy (big psychological thing about making sure your investment products make themselves as visible as possible)...besides which in HPs case what else can they puton TV...ooo, look an exciting printer/server box/scanner...not exactly the sexiest products on the planet so they advertise how they are used.

You don't generally see too many on UK TV as audience response tends to be a bit flat but there are loads in the US. Most famous UK one's were probably for Hanson Trust (The Company from Over Here that's also doping Rather Well Over There')

And you guys SO don't get the irony of the MAch 3 ads...why do you think they are so stupidly OTT...

 

[Idaho]

And you guys SO don't get the irony of the MAch 3 ads...why do you think they are so stupidly OTT...

I think the only people who 'get' adverts are coke-fuelled ad-execs who are terribly impressed with their own profession.

 

[Tea]

lol. <coughs>

 

[kyser_soze]

I think the only people who 'get' adverts are coke-fuelled ad-execs who are terribly impressed with their own profession.

AH well, life's a bitch being a coke-fuelled ad exec sometimes

 

[Louloubelle]

I think the only people who 'get' adverts are coke-fuelled ad-execs who are terribly impressed with their own profession.

hmmm

I have to disagree

I 'get' ads and I'm not coke fuelled or an advertising exec

 

[Thumper Browne]

S'cuse the c&p lyrics but its all in here....

Step right up
step right up
step right up
Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
That's right, you too can be the proud owner
Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
One-tenth of a dollar
one-tenth of a dollar
we got service after sales
You need perfume? we got perfume
how 'bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady
something for the little lady
Something for the little lady, hmm
Three for a dollar
We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
And a smoke-damaged furniture
you can drive it away today
Act now, act now
and receive as our gift, our gift to you
They come in all colors, one size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills
you're tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go
going out of business
going out of business
Going out of business sale
Fifty percent off original retail price
skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it?
how do we do it?
volume, volume, turn up the volume
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
Don't be caught with your drawers down
Don't be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up

That's right, it filets, it chops
It dices, slices, never stops
lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn
and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
it gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers a pizza
and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise longe for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar, step right up
it's only a dollar, step right up

'Cause it forges your signature.
If not completely satisfied
mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up
Please allow thirty days for delivery
don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in it, live in it
laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it
Live in it, swim in it
laugh in it, love in it
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
that's right
And it entertains visiting relatives
it turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts
change your life
change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy
get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack
see you later alligator
See you later alligator
And it steals your car
It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
It's a friend, and it's a companion
And it's the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions
it never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips, bust
thighs, chin, midriff
Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job
it is a job
And it strips the phone company free
take ten for five exchange
And it gives you denture breath
And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
Well it takes care of business
never needs winding
Never needs winding
never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
'Cause it's effective, it's defective
it creates household odors
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
It gives you an erection
it wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation
no salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot
prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
How do we do it
how do we do it
how do we do it
how do we do it
We need your business
we're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business
end of our going-out-of-business sale
Receive our free brochure, free brochure
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
Step right up
step right up
step right up
You got it buddy: the large print giveth
and the small print taketh away
Step right up
you can step right up
you can step right up
C'mon step right up
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
Step right up, step right up, step right up
c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Step right up
you can step right up
c'mon and step right up
C'mon and step right up

Tom Waits

 

[File Not Found]

I wonder what kyser soze does for a living.

 

[kyser_soze]

Never made a secret of it FNF - I enjoy my job, I'm good at it, help my clients grow their businesses and get a decent level of remuneration in the process.

And I haven't done any coke for nearly 2 weeks now...

 

[Mrs Miggins]

And I haven't done any coke for nearly 2 weeks now...

Christ! - you want to be careful - you might get the sack

 

[File Not Found]

Never made a secret of it FNF - I enjoy my job, I'm good at it, help my clients grow their businesses and get a decent level of remuneration in the process.

And I haven't done any coke for nearly 2 weeks now...

Hey, I'm training to be a lawyer. I'm not one to diss morally dubious professions.

 

[File Not Found]

Although, if I find out that you had anything to do with the Flash adverts, I will hunt you down and kill you.

 

[kyser_soze]

Although, if I find out that you had anything to do with the Flash adverts, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Nah - media planning and buying. I just get to decide when and where the ads appear, not create them.

 

[gsv]

Although, if I find out that you had anything to do with the Flash adverts, I will hunt you down and kill you.

LOfuckinL!!!


GS(v)

 

[hotvans]

perfume ads - you know when you're about to get into it becasue theres shite music, anorexic models, or models looking v v dumb and trying to look moody or/and mysterious - and theres no plot or poijnt to it at all and they nearly always look directly into the camera in a pouty way
shite shite shite
plus all adverts for hair shampoos/conditioners - they're all tried and tested right? read the small print at the bottom of the screen
so x confitioner makes hair 4 times smoother*
*when compared to using shampoo alone - doh!

 

[Cloo]

Any ad that uses the 'Germs are everywhere and if you don't wipe down every single thing your child walks towards before they touch it, and then they die of germ-induced lurgy you only have yourself to blame, you negligent slut!' line.

 

[Termite Man]

Well...ermmm...they're advertising HP as a corporation?

These ads are called 'corporate message' and aren't actually selling anything, just giving out the message that, hey, HP technology is used to help design guitars, make movies etc etc... They are mainly used to keep the brand in front of mind and because it keeps City inevestors happy (big psychological thing about making sure your investment products make themselves as visible as possible)...besides which in HPs case what else can they puton TV...ooo, look an exciting printer/server box/scanner...not exactly the sexiest products on the planet so they advertise how they are used.

...

So what your saying is HP waste money on advertising a non-existant product just to keep City investors happy ! If I were a city investor I'd be fairly pissed of that HP are squandering valueable cash on a load of bollocks .

Still shit adverts !

 

[Wintermute]

The Coke one really does my nut. Not "Coke - it's chock full of sugar and all sorts of dodgy stuff we'd rather not mention but it does quench your thirst for a bit", but "Coke - drink it and the world will be a nicer, fluffier place". Like fuck. This Product Will Not Make Your Fucking Life Any Fucking More Enriched. It Will Make Your Teeth Sticky.

Mind, the ones I really don't get are the IBM server ones. I mean, yeah like HP they're just trying to maintain an image, but how many people actually buy servers? And they really do seem like they're extolling the technical virtues of their product - to a mass tv audience?? Fucking lunacy. I blame the internet, you know.

 

[kyser_soze]

So what your saying is HP waste money on advertising a non-existant product just to keep City investors happy ! If I were a city investor I'd be fairly pissed of that HP are squandering valueable cash on a load of bollocks .

Still shit adverts !

No, HP are advertising how their products are used in the real world, not the product itself - i.e 'Use an HP server and you too can be as creative as Dreamworks'...or to a different audience (say IT directors) the subtext of the ad is 'These are high powered, reliable servers that are uswed for rendering and therefore will be good for your company because they don't fall over'

It's also been created to make HP shareholders feel fuzzy and warm about being an HP shareholder - HP don't just make boxes foer accountants, HP make boxes for artists.

The point with these ads are that you can take muiltiple meaning from it without having 10 separate messages/ideas being thrown out - it relies on the viewer to bring meaning and relevancy into their own lives because in the long term making people think they made the choice to but something on their own makes them feel better about buying something.

 

[swelegant]

What bugs me are the panty liner commercials, where you won't feel "morning fresh" unless you wear them, or insinuating that people are going to check what your undies are like when you get hit by a bus

Another thing that shits me is how women are often semi naked or naked in adverts. If there's going to be naked women, there should be naked men as well!

 

[Juice Terry]

Airlines that assume everyone flies first/business class, no mention of the all the poor fuckers cramped into cattle class like ...er ... cattle.