A colleague who I don't like and can't stand wants me to go to lunch with them..

[Lo Siento.]

god, this happenend to me a few years ago - the wife of a colleaugue of mine asked me to go for lunch time drinks, and i reluctantly agreed, thinking 'this person doesn't seem interesting to me, but what harm can a few drinks do?'.......before i knew it i had my very own personal stalker who haraased me for a number of years with endless texts, emails, phone calls etc etc. managed to get rid of her about a year ago, and to this day i wish i would have followed my instincts - she put me through hell!

so, my advice - if your gut says no - DON'T DO IT!!! life's to short to bother with people you don't want to bother with!

I don´t think that´s a very healthy way to look at things.

 

[Lo Siento.]

I knew we'd had this little talk before

yup.

 

[klang]

I don´t think that´s a very healthy way to look at things.

maybe not, but i'm scared by experience.....and i stick to my advice.

 

[Lo Siento.]

maybe not, but i'm scared by experience.....and i stick to my advice.

see you just don´t notice all the times that you have a drink with someone and they turn out not to be a crazy stalker

 

[Yelkcub]

Exactly. On one thread it's "I'm all alone" and on this one it's all "I hate this person but I will not tell you why and I don't want to interact with them"

Chuckles is an enigma. She moves in mysterious ways.

 

[klang]

.

 

[kyser_soze]

You know if you get to know some people, you might not be lonely anymore...

 

[klang]

see you just don´t notice all the times that you have a drink with someone and they turn out not to be a crazy stalker

there's plenty, but only the ones i instantly liked, or should i say - the ones i didn't instantly dis-like. human relationships are a lot about chemistry, and the one thing i can rely on when it comes to spotting chemistry is my gut. what's wrong with that?

 

[quimcunx]

I don´t think that´s a very healthy way to look at things.

trusting your instincts?

 

[TitanSound]

Chuckles is an enigma. She moves in mysterious ways.

Enigma? Batshit crazy more like

 

[tar1984]

Show her this thread.

 

[Lo Siento.]

trusting your instincts?

that a harmless drink could easily lead to stalkers.

 

[Upchuck]

I'm not going. The person is annoying, sloppily dressed, and not someone I want to get involved with other than on a professional level. Also going to luch here where I work is a spontaneous thing. I never make plans that far ahead here. The invitation the day ahead is what makes me feel depressed and suspicious. There will be no lunch.

I need to work on my personal skills though. Some people i don't click with I then just have nothing to do with, they are not part of my life. I see how this can cause me problems.

 

[kyser_soze]

I need to work on my personal skills though

*speechless*

 

[Upchuck]

Can I just reply 'No I don't think so'.

 

[quimcunx]

that a harmless drink could easily lead to stalkers.

No. Your instinct that going for a drink with a particular person is a bad idea.

 

[Lo Siento.]

Can I just reply 'No I don't think so'.

depends. How rude would you like to be?

 

[Lo Siento.]

No. Your instinct that going for a drink with a particular person is a bad idea.

but the poster didn´t say they had a bad feeling about them, just that they seemed uninteresting...

 

[klang]

No. Your instinct that going for a drink with a particular person is a bad idea.

yes that's what i'm trying to say....

 

[Upchuck]

depends. How rude would you like to be?

i don't want to be obviously rude, but i want to stamp out the possibility of any further invitations.

 

[Epico]

I think I love you Upchuck. I know your a) a lesbian and b) insane - but that doesn't put me off.

 

[klang]

but the poster didn´t say they had a bad feeling about them, just that they seemed uninteresting...

being uninteresting is enough or a reason for me NOT to meet up with somebody

 

[5t3IIa]

What do you normally do at lunchtimes?

 

[cesare]

i don't want to be obviously rude, but i want to stamp out the possibility of any further invitations.

What's the point of being rude unless it's obvious?

 

[Upchuck]

What do you normally do at lunchtimes?

Depends. On Tuesday I went to lunch with a colleague, and did the same yesterday with a different person, but both people were of my choosing.

Today I'm typing this and eating a mixed doner

 

[Lo Siento.]

i don't want to be obviously rude, but i want to stamp out the possibility of any further invitations.

contradictory aims.

 

[5t3IIa]

Depends. On Tuesday I went to lunch with a colleague, and did the same yesterday with a different person, but both people were of my choosing.

Today I'm typing this and eating a mixed doner

Well, I suppose if this were real life I'd make an excuse. Then make another excuse. Then wallow happily in a Mexican stand-off with her wondering if you'll make another excuse and you perhaps having to make one. For the third time. It's passive agressive but it's a colleague so what can you do.

 

[Upchuck]

This was the exact wording of the request:

Fancy lunch out tomorrow?

I should reply: NO!

 

[London_Calling]

I'd go. Makes sense on the basis the more you know people the more 'human' they become.

The OP reads like a child rather than a mature adult - a little embarrassed for you. I'd imagine the other person has probably gone a long way out of their confort zone to invite you, presume it's about overcoming existing 'issues' by bridge building.

I wish them well with you.

 

[Griff]

This was the exact wording of the request: I should reply: NO!