16th: Less than two weeks into the bombing campaign, the US admits its new range of smart weapons may be too intelligent. Sources say the $7m Supersophic missiles have a range of only 50 metres because less than a second after launch the onboard computer has worked out that violence only leads to more violence and that all war is futile. Realising there's no point any more, the weapon either deliberately crashes itself into a beautiful woman or flies back home to America to spend the rest of its days buzzing round a farm. The Pentagon orders that, from now on, missiles must be 'no more intelligent than a steelworker'.
