Discussion in 'Christmas and Year Review 2016' started by aqua, Dec 1, 2016.
Mogden your highs made me smile, thank you for that. xxx
my mum died
david bowie died
plus: finding myself cut off from my family, massive depression and anxiety issues, being the object of derision in my local neighbourhood, having to cancel my holiday in September, falling out with the Green Party LGBTIQ group
being diagnosed with gender dysphoria after 3 years of waiting.
getting CBT for social anxiety
Becoming a LGBT role model
getting 2 new kittens
Raising the trans pride flag above 55 Broadway with the CEO of London Underground.
1. My mum's health. It's deteriorated so much, so quickly and I'm amazed at how much awfulness we as a family seemed to have got used to. The worst feeling in the world is this powerlessness - the knowledge that you have no control over loved one's mental and physical state. it's just something you have to deal with
2. Matt's death - I think about him every day and miss him terribly. He was a true friend and I wish I'd told him this more often. Every time I think I'm making a joke on this site, I think of his laughter. We loved making each other laugh.
3. Moving away from my friends to be with family - my world has shrunk massively and I still don't know what to do about it. Being nearer family comes with its own difficulties too and feel a bit stretched by the demands of family life.
4. Job/joblessness/money woes - hated my job and gladly gave it up, but need to find work soon, but feel unable to do any job gladly and feel incompetent and useless and pessimistic about any prospects.
5. Mental/physical health worries - lots of things have happened that I can't control, but self-esteem has taken a battering when it was pretty poor to begin with. I still don't know how to deal with external shite maturely. Feel like a big baby who can't cope with life and therefore no point in even pursuing a love life.
Highs - HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
I guess some things can be characterised as highs
1. I am with my family and helping my mum - it feels good to be there for them, esp my mum
2. The time I'm spending with my mum feels so precious and I feel useful, esp when reading to her - the reading enriches me so much too. I will always have this time with my mum and I will never regret what I've given up to come and be with her
3. I am finding out a lot about myself and it's not all bad
4. I am spending a lot of time with my dad and, while he's never been an ogre, I feel like I'm getting to know him properly. I have been living with him for 4 months or so and we've not irritated each other once (well not so the other notices). I am amazed and delighted by this.
5. the loss and the removal of friends has made me appreciate them a lot more
I realise I've left out the rest of the world and politics, but fuck it.
i do wish i was more connected with the outside world, but i am also glad i am as not as connected as others.
The fucking state of the world. Would you fucking look at it.
Friends Matt and Jenny dying. Too young and so much to offer still
My mental health. I've been riddled with anxiety this year. It's stood in the way of getting on with living despite grieving. Hopefully I've now taken the first steps towards righting that in the first few days of this year.
My brother's death in April. It was sudden. A complete shock. And of course has weighed heavily the rest of this year. My own grief and knowing that my family are suffering. Having to accept that this catastrophic event is a permanent state, has tendrils reaching far into the future as his young daughter grows up without him. That the photos we have are the last photos we'll ever have.
That all the times I was on the floor with grief there wasn't anyone just there to pick me up.
My mum's increasing memory problems. This is finally being assessed so we'll see where that takes us. As my dad said 'at our age it's not dying too young you have to worry about but living too long'.
The support I had from friends in my grief. Friends who have continued to look out for me and check up on me as time has passed.
Some nice days out and trips with friends and urbs, including Bournemouth, sailing in Chichester, camping, Blisworth, getting utterly drenched in Brockwell park while laughing hysterically.
A holiday to Vienna and Hamburg. Very much a holiday of two halves. Or maybe 3 halves as I stopped off in Nuremburg too.
My family being generally supportive of each other and finding joy in each others' company where we could. The gidgets being delightful.
All your highs are about love and acceptance: that is a massive step forward in creating a love life
I think often about the way you're doing what you can to bring some joy and entertainment to your mum and that is very inspiring
Deaths. Just too many deaths. Had to arrange and witness shared family loancat being put to sleep in Feb after long illness. Ridiculously sad. Then @mysadcat carked it at the end of the year. More deaths: not known to me, but cared about still, and I was surprised at my own upset over them - Prince, Bernie Worrell, Greebo.
Digital deaths: not right for both Cute Overload AND The Toast to cease publishing in the same year.
Dealing with builders, paying for builders, cleaning up after builders. Everything I own gets covered with a fresh layer of plaster dust each day.
Surprised the hoover hasn't imploded already.
State of the World: the TrumpBrexitSyriaRussiaTory nightmare dragging on and with worse in store.
Retirement of the best boss (only good boss) I ever had.
My ma's health improved gradually (though her temper didn't)
My bad back was kept in check - even with not-really-enough exercise, the sciatica/leg agony didn't come back
Building work finished in the end
Got very into perfumery, learned loads about scent families and more of what I like+hate
Still alive and still in work
um, that's it
My mum died. She was 82. After dad went a couple of years ago we hoped she'd be off round europe living it up for once - not having to look after me old man. But she got cancer in october - the treatment gave a brief bit of remission, but from june onwards she just seemed to throw the towel in and died in August. Big hole.
Fucking brexit and trump - given up on big politics -its just a mess and too many people are isloated and fearful of each other.
Having the shed burgled and a load of music equipment stolen. Police did fuck all - managed to get some of the stuff back from a 2nd hand shop thanks to my own detective work - still lost two guitar amps though.
A close relative becoming increasingly unstable, aggro and hard to reason with - to the point of family break up and him being well on the way to planet crash and burn.
Up to october - Leeds United. Why do I support this fucking tragi comedy of a football club with a lunatic/crook owner that play such medicore football?
My two little kids - as ever. they are brill even when they are being a massive pain in the arse. Life affirmation by the bucket load in the form of two small, noisy creatures made up of energy, curiosity and joy.
My teenager doing really well in her GCSEs and becoming ever more confident and outgoing after several years of struggle with some tough tough personal stuff that looked like it was going to break her.
Organising and performing at three ace tribute gigs - for bowie, for lenny cohen and one for all the music greats who died in 2016. Really moving, inspiring nights where people came together to celebrate what they gave us. Blessed that i know so many great musicians who are up for turning up and winging it with no rehearsal!
The job. I work at a community centre and my boss managed to blag two years worth of funding for me to do community arts stuff. We did a "Festival of wordsmithery" that was great and the "open access" music group goes from strength to strength. This is in a right deprived area and its great to see so many of societies marginalised and shat on getting into everything from contemporary dance, writing poetry, learning drums or singing punk rock songs.
From October this year - Leeds United! Team playing their hearts out. Best manager in decades. New sensible owner in - capricious lunatic owner on the way out. chasing promotion. Brilliant atmosphere at elland road. how could i ever doubt them? MOT.
Highs: 2016 is over
Lows: that 2016 ever happened
1 - Breaking up from my partner of nearly 10 years, heartbreak, worry, and the stress of moving out
2 - Feeling ill at the start of the year and crazy migraines later in the year
3 - One of my pet rabbits died. RIP Mouse. My other rabbit missed him greatly at first, but is adapting to single life now (but isn't ready for another relationship).
4 - Insecurity at work because of lack of funding
5 - cuts to local services, benefit issues, and ugly racism rearing its head locally have made life hard for people around me
1 - My lovely new flat, which i moved into in December. Its taken lots of money and effort to get it liveable, it'll take more effort to sort it properly, but its so much better than i thought i'd get, and i'll hopefully be here a good few years
2 - The cause being found of why i was so ill at the start of the year - vitamin d deficiency! So a course of tablets sorted it.
3 - Going to Spain in September - it was brilliant, and the first time i've left the country on my own. It made me feel confident in myself.
4 - Being ok for money, certainly not rich, and it takes a very complicated work life to do it, but it meant i could afford carpets etc in my new flat, and while i have to budget, i'm not worrying all the time about paying bills.
5 - Being friends with good people who i know care about me
Going in and out of the same toxic relationship and letting myself be treated in a disrespectful manner.
Working really hard, crazy hours, in poor conditions for a really shit wage.
Ending of a 20 year friendship- well more the way it ended ( don't have good friends as lodgers! Or in my case don't have lodgers!)
Concern over ex partners son with severe mental health issues.
Gaining my old independence and doing what I want to do when I want to do it whether with people or on my own.
I went to Barcelona on my own
A festival over my bday on my own
Went to see quite a few bands on my own.
Clubbing on my own
Deciding to stop waiting for my ex to change
For my ma to die ( she has terminal cancer, was diagnosed 6 years ago)
Decided to just get on and make plans! Including selling my house, to downsize and get some money behind me to retrain.
Cycling regularly - owe that to my ex. My general fitness really improving and losing weight but really slowly.
Relationship with son improving, him coming back to live with me and knowing that when he moves in few weeks that we have really worked through something huge.
Freeing myself at last from an exhausting toxic relationship and not ending on bad terms. ( although we can't be friends)
Reconnecting with friends and making new ones.
Realising that by being out of my previous relationship I'm just open to so much more and moving forward-.
Feeling free and inspired!!
Over all a very formative year. I feel way better then same time last year
Separate names with a comma.