Can squirrels get addicted to crack?

[Bob]

Now in many ways this thread should be in Suburban, or maybe drugs. But you'll see why it really belongs in Brixton.

Yesterday I was chatting to one of my neighbours and he pointed out that the reason I had found his screwdriver in our front garden (in central Brixton) was that crack users / dealers sometimes hide bits of their stash in our garden.

An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds.

Now I assume that if the squirrel dug up a rock of crack and nibbled it it wouldn't get any effect. But what if it did? And do I face the prospect of dreaded crack squirrels? Turf wars (flower bed wars) between dealers & squirrels?

Squirrels have nasty bites so I'm now worried by being done over by a twitchy squirrel.

[zenie]

LMAO only in Brixton

[Ms T]

I still don't understand why your neighbour's screwdriver was in your garden?

I don't know about squirrels, but I reckon our cats have become addicted to kitty crack (catnip). We got home last night to find they'd found the bag, and ripped it open so it was all over the kitchen.

[Bob]

I still don't understand why your neighbour's screwdriver was in your garden?

They'd been using it to either mark where they put something or to dig the crack up with. My neighbour's front garden is fairly full of building rubbish - so they'd probably nicked it from there.

[passenger]

i gooogled it

[fanta]

Now in many ways this thread should be in Suburban, or maybe drugs. But you'll see why it really belongs in Brixton.

Yesterday I was chatting to one of my neighbours and he pointed out that the reason I had found his screwdriver in our front garden (in central Brixton) was that crack users / dealers sometimes hide bits of their stash in our garden.

An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds.

Now I assume that if the squirrel dug up a rock of crack and nibbled it it wouldn't get any effect. But what if it did? And do I face the prospect of dreaded crack squirrels? Turf wars (flower bed wars) between dealers & squirrels?

Squirrels have nasty bites so I'm now worried by being done over by a twitchy squirrel.

Wow

Have you though of writing and suggesting this as a vital research subject to New Scientist?

[twistedAM]

I don't know about squirrels, but I reckon our cats have become addicted to kitty crack (catnip).

It's true. That happened to Cartman's cat in South Park...she invited all the cats round and they were chopping up lines of catnip and snorting it.

[lang rabbie]

Now I assume that if the squirrel dug up a rock of crack and nibbled it it wouldn't get any effect. But what if it did? And do I face the prospect of dreaded crack squirrels?

Medical researchers have developed self-medicating cocaine-binging rats*, so I supect a squirrel could become a crackhead.

But, who cares about the science - just issue a press release to the South London Press, saying how concerned you are about the health of the squirrels. Crime and furry animals - it's bound to make the front page of The SLP.

When the RSPCA get wind of a story that there are crack-crazed squirrels at risk of harm in the area, their vigilante forces will zoom into action.

The local crack dealers will have to face the daunting prospect of hundreds of middle-aged Home Counties animal-lovers maintaining a twenty-four hour vigil to protect innocent squirrels from the crack menace.


* Source: I kid you not - Repeated self-administered cocaine "binges" in rats: effects on cocaine intake and withdrawal Psychopharmacology (Berl). 2001 Mar;154(3):292-300.

[Bob]

Medical researchers have developed self-medicating cocaine-binging rats*, so I supect a squirrel could become a crackhead.

But, who cares about the science - just issue a press release to the South London Press, saying how concerned you are about the health of the squirrels. Crime and furry animals - it's bound to make the front page of The SLP.

When the RSPCA get wind of a story that there are crack-crazed squirrels at risk of harm in the area, their vigilante forces will zoom into action.

The local crack dealers will have to face the daunting prospect of hundreds of middle-aged Home Counties animal-lovers maintaining a twenty-four hour vigil to protect innocent squirrels from the crack menace.

They can clear up my front yard while they're there.

I did read a history of cocaine recently. Apparently they've given it to chimps too - who have to hit a bar to get their dose of cocaine. The researchers then increase the number of times the chimp has to hit a bar til the point that the chimp gives up. With most drugs they find a number of hits where the chimp can't be bothered anymore. With cocaine the chimps keep on hitting the bar until the researchers stop the experiment - in one case after the chimp has twacked it 13,000 times.

[deese_nuts]

I don't know about squirrels, but I reckon our cats have become addicted to kitty crack (catnip). We got home last night to find they'd found the bag, and ripped it open so it was all over the kitchen.

[guinnessdrinker]

They can clear up my front yard while they're there.

I did read a history of cocaine recently. Apparently they've given it to chimps too - who have to hit a bar to get their dose of cocaine. The researchers then increase the number of times the chimp has to hit a bar til the point that the chimp gives up. With most drugs they find a number of hits where the chimp can't be bothered anymore. With cocaine the chimps keep on hitting the bar until the researchers stop the experiment - in one case after the chimp has twacked it 13,000 times.

where are the animal rights protesters when we need them?

[nipsla]

Yesterday I was chatting to one of my neighbours and he pointed out that the reason I had found his screwdriver in our front garden (in central Brixton) was that crack users / dealers sometimes hide bits of their stash in our garden.

An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds.

Now I assume that if the squirrel dug up a rock of crack and nibbled it it wouldn't get any effect. But what if it did? And do I face the prospect of dreaded crack squirrels? Turf wars (flower bed wars) between dealers & squirrels?

Squirrels have nasty bites so I'm now worried by being done over by a twitchy squirrel.

Maybe a more important question is though...

Could we somehow wean the Brixton crack-heads onto nuts? That would be an interesting experiment.

[Stobart Stopper]

Maybe a more important question is though...

Could we somehow wean the Brixton crack-heads onto nuts? That would be an interesting experiment.

It just wouldn't sound right at the copshop:

"Why did you rob that man of his wallet and mobile phone?"

"I wanted to buy nuts,officer."

"Don't bullshit me, son."

"No, seriously. I needed to sell the phone to buy nuts. I'm an addict."

[Red Faction]

this is one of the reasons i love U75 so
this thread belongs in the archive!!

[Louloubelle]

Turf wars (flower bed wars) between dealers & squirrels?

surely you mean tufty wars?














*gets coat"

[Bob]

That's made my morning.

[prunus]

When the RSPCA get wind of a story that there are crack-crazed squirrels at risk of harm in the area, their vigilante forces will zoom into action.

The local crack dealers will have to face the daunting prospect of hundreds of middle-aged Home Counties animal-lovers maintaining a twenty-four hour vigil to protect innocent squirrels from the crack menace.

This is probably the best idea I've heard in ages!!!

[geminisnake]

Tears of laughter rolling down my face

I'm going to pm pogofish a link to this thread, dunno if he'll be able to advise one way or t'other.

[pogofish]

Brilliant thread!

There are studies into cocaine/other drugs & the effects on rodents but not specifically squirrells. The picture it conjures is great - squirrells defend their nut stashes with great courage & determination so I'd imagine that a crack-crazed tree-rat would be a formidable opponent indeed.

Some of the dealers might even try training them to defend their supplies!

Bringing it to the attention of the animal agencies would probably be the best thing - If only to sit back & watch the moral panic get into high-gear!

[Skim]

surely you mean tufty wars?

What a tragic end for Tufty

[Louloubelle]

can human get addicted to squirrels?

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/pal/sha1.html

[trabuquera]

...in London parks last year or the year before?
I could have sworn I read about it somewhere - folks just toddling along the pathways and being landed on & clawed up by irate squirrels. Or was it just an urban legend?

so glad someone else linked to scarysquirrel.com.... anyway, I too had heard urban legends of squirrels licking out abandoned crack vials and going all antisocial. however it may be bullshit - (sorry for ingcredibly iggnorant drug question but ..) surely you wouldn't be getting any high off EATING crack or crack residue anyway, even if you was a squirrel? don't you have to heat it first to benefit from its wonderful psychological effects?

[Blagsta]

An acquaintance of mine got mugged by squirrels in Springfield Park in Hackney.

[PacificOcean]

I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

[aylee]

I hereby nominate this thread for Thread Title of the Year 2005.