We WILL win the Eurovision this year - Engelbert Humperdinck will see to that

Best yet.

Who has the shitty job of following this work of genius.

They HAVE to win!

cakes

I can't breathe.

The similarities to Cheeky Girls are striking.

Poor old Iceland, having to follow that

Right, shall we just call it an early evening then? It's half past fucking midnight over there, let these people have an early night!

I really don't think we'll remember you Iceland.

Sorry

Icelandic men are fit.

My Littl'un has just said the same thing (only minus the swearing!)

This is not doing much for me. Plus they have not baked anything like the Russian grannies

Italy saucette will slaughter these mugs.

Oi, this is a music contest alright? You want hot totty you go watch The X-Factor or whatever, yeah?

That's going to be the new standard, isn't it? Used to be drums, now if you're not baking sweet goods you're not getting into the top 10.

"I like the way you fill me up"?!

Did I just hear that opening line right?!

"The Queen" on twitter is def on form tonight. 6 grannies......6 teeth amongst the pearls

Oh, europop at it's finest!
I can (almost) imagine dancing to this in Aiya Napa!

Cyprus, you do not make me want to dance very hard in white stilletoes at the discotheque, sozzles.

Was she dancing on books?! That would never be accepted at my library

If only Humperdink had Beth Tweddle's number

France entry is a bloke.

I thought that too!

Not sure the gymnasts are adding much to France's song

My daughter just said the same.

French still smarting at not getting the Olympics, I see

"We've got some Olympic gymnasts, what should we do with them?"
"Well, there's this breakdancing video from the 90s I've been watching..."

I thought she was rather distracting

Meh, I've always liked tomboys.

Oh yeah, I can possibly see the Winehouse comparisons. Just about. It's subtle though. Real subtle.

There's the real winner. Everyone go home.

The tech aspects of the show are stunning.