Does no one THINK about Christmas presents anymore?

I've been quite badly hurt by bad gifts from my brother a couple of times. Not because they were unwanted, but by the obvious lack of thought that went into them. I'd much rather have a no present policy than regular confirmation that he doesn't give a shit.

But if a good gift isn't any kind of debt or obligation, then why should I have expectations about it?

Hurt? Maybe he's just crap at giving presents? If someone treats me with a lot of love and care throughout the year, a shit present isn't going to bother me.

I'm sorry, are you the gift police or something? I am allowed to be offended, okay.

Gifts are not compulsory but some thought as to what to buy is the whole point of a gift in my mind. If someone cannot be bothered to even think about what I might like, then why spend anything? Just save the money.

He doesn't treat me with love and care throughout the year.

I suppose it's because this time of year throws relationships, and who owes what to whom etc into sharper relief than usual. So if for example I buy something over £5 for the much better off relatives, the only way they can feel comfortable with it is by immediately reminding me that I shouldn't have and that I was reckless with what little cash I have.

Edited to add: FWIW I don't spend what I can't spare, but if I ever overspent the only person it hurt was me.

I've never considered that any of my presents might actually offend anyone.

haha, there's your problem then

To give you a token of some kind, any kind at Christmas? Tbh, a generic gift and a asked for gift are exactly the same in terms of thought and effort going into it, ie. zero.

true. i think other issues are colouring my perception of this particular gift. from anyone else i think i would have just put it aside and not over-analysed it. it's been a weird old year for friendship in a lot of ways.

kyser used to do this kind of wilful refusal to acknowledge the complexity of human relationships much more entertainingly.

Ah, yes. I remember it well.

You wore a gown of gold.

I was all in blue.

How young and gay.

old and camp more like.

Prince of love, thankyouverymuch.

Ah, yes, that's what I meant to say.

Ah, yes , I remember it well.

ah, yes, that is also what I meant to say.

You lost your hair?

I lost a comb.

You mooned my mum?

That dazzling April moon!

Ah yes, she remembers it well.

You can't be a lapsed Jew, only a lapsed Judaist.

I can see why - I actually feel quite upset for you, but you can't change people (especially elderly mum's and m-i-l's - I have one of each and I know.) I bet she's really pleased to have done something so nice for you though.

((Mrs M))

Would you not want any kind of unsolicited gift, even if it wasn't Christmas? I often buy people stuff that I see if it makes me think of them and I can afford it, and just give it to them, not for any birthday or special occasion. I hadn't really considered that could make people uncomfortable, would it bother you?

I think I've been Koreanised into giving people stuff to show my warm feelings for them. There is something really nice about giving/receiving things just because, rather than because it's the day when you MUST give gifts. Of course if people don't want anything then it wouldn't be really nice.

I can totally see how being given stuff just because it's purple could be aggravating though!