Discussion in 'Wintervaltide - Xmas and Year Review 2011' started by mrsfran, Dec 20, 2011.
Nice if it happened like that, sadly "should" isn't "does".
I'm loath to participate in gift-exchange with people who don't have that sort of attitude, really.
A bit difficult when they're close relatives, who you won't see on the day, but other slightly closer relatives will. Thus dropping them in it. Sometimes you have to pick your battles.
seriously, i don't understand why anyone gives presents to over-16yos
I love giving gifts!
I just gave a 30 year old a gift and he giggled and got all excited and now I'm very cheerful.
Seriously, does anyone really have the right to get annoyed about a present they don't like? Are there people making wedding-style lists to get all the stuff they need at Christmas?
...and my two sister in laws, and my mum, and a friend... it's a lot of presents to think about is all. I don't think anyone else is likely to ask now though
It was a bit like that because we all got to our mid 30s without kids, now we don't get each other anything. But even then it was nice to have something to open on Christmas. We would get something on list then maybe a something extra if there was spare.
I buy enough tat I don't need. I don't need any more tat I don't need and don't even like. and I don't need to be traipsing round shops seeing lots of lovely tat I would like but can't have because I've got to spend my money on inspired tat for someone else that they don't like who will give me tat that isn't any of the tat I saw and did like.
Gifts aren't supposed to be a way for you to top up your collection of stuff though, are they? They're (hopefully) spontaneous acts to demonstrate affection.
I have nothing against spontaneous acts to demonstrate affection. What's that got to do with Christmas though?
Agreed. A good friend of mine bought me Lemmy's autobiography "White Line Fever" for my 50th birthday - a touch of genius, absolutely the best present I could have had when moving into another decade to read about someone like him still rocking and rolling into his 50's and 60's.
Trouble is (and I hope this doesn't ruffle too many feathers here), you have to know someone really well to surprise someone effectively and not many of us do any more (or so it seems).
Or maybe, some people are just good at choosing presents?
frankly at this point in my life I have sufficient material wealth and look forward to the day when someone actually follows through on what I've asked for. Nothing. Thanks I appreciate the concept but really I have enough stuff...
That would really annoy me too, if I was told I had not quite reached budget. I have no real issue with giving people something specific I like / them telling me something specific they want, but if we have an agreed budget and it doesn't meet it I certainly wouldn't hound them for further ideas, what a complete lack of imagination.
err, because that's what gift-giving at Christmas is, even if it is part of a load of social ritual which convinces us otherwise...
My Mum, who can't get out and is really not mobile unless bunged in a wheelchair sent me flowers by courier with a really sweet message but I just wish she hadn't. It's a very small bunch that probably set her back at least £30 (that she cannot afford) that I could have picked up for less than a fiver
I'm just really upset. Not about the fact she's been ripped off but that she feels she has to get me anything at all and that she's frail and old and feels guilty about the whole Christmas thing.
This isn't about anybody's rights - the people who are incredibly hard to buy for also happen to host the Christmas & Boxing Day stayover every year (they also have more spare rooms). Therefore, doing anything which is likely to get their backs up (even though I won't be there) really isn't a good idea.
I spent several years trying to persuade two friends not to buy me christmas presents. One gave up after about 4 years of protest but after several discussions the other agreed that she liked buying presents and it didn't matter in the slightest that I didn't want anything as it was about her pleasure. I gave the last present she gave me to charity (even though it was something really good that I did want that year ) and when I told her that it stressed me out in August she finally stopped.
Both of them considered themselves excellent present choosers. Basically what they meant was they would buy anything for me as long as it was purple. Even when I didn't buy myself anything purple for about 5 years. they are both as hit and miss as everyone else.
It's not spontaneous.
jesus, sounds like a sodding protection racket.
Yes. If it's someone you think of as a close friend but the present they get you is obviously generic and/or little thought has gone into it. Probably better not to bother and plead poverty than demonstrate you really can't be arsed with them via the medium of Christmas presents.
it's spontaneous in the sense that you're not obliged to buy ANYONE a present, or any object in particular.
I have a friend like that. She always buys me present(s) even though I've quite frankly got enough fucking people to buy things for and it's always a 'stuff' kind of present that I'll have to find space for iyswim. And I used to feel really bad that she was spending all this money on something I basically didn't want. And that I'd have to find something to give her in return because otherwise it's just rude. And then I felt bad for resenting it. But it's like you say, she does it for herself, not for me.
Seriously, you would actually be offended by a bad gift? Can't you see how ridiculous that is?
That's a little bit exagerrated. Nobody does guilt-tripping like old school eastenders.
There was a period when I first objected where they said that I didn't have to get them anything... but I did as you say. Then I stopped. But that felt unsatisfactory too.
Disappointed, yes; offended, no. I'd try to accept any gift in the spirit in which it was given.
Perhaps she enjoyed being able to send you something? She couldn't get out to get you a present but she still found a way to let you know she loves you. It doesn't matter if you could have got the flowers cheaper, she gave you a lovely gift of a sweet message and probably put some really pleasant thought into thinking how it would make you smile.
I think receiving a well chosen present proves to you hgow well a person knows you.
I mean, it's not the only way you'll know of course and there are other ways. Also a series aill considered presents does start to make you wonder if the giver knows you at all.
Separate names with a comma.